


Good Night Calls

by SexualPizzaBox, SlashPrincess



Category: Banana Bus Squad, Real Person Fiction
Genre: Banana Bus Squad - Freeform, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Unrequited Crush, we can't tag at all
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-19
Updated: 2017-10-02
Packaged: 2018-07-25 11:27:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 44,195
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7530958
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SexualPizzaBox/pseuds/SexualPizzaBox, https://archiveofourown.org/users/SlashPrincess/pseuds/SlashPrincess
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After one fatal moment H2O Delirious's and Ohmwrecker's bond becomes stronger than ever, leading to greater highs but also greater lows. As one falls dramatically for the other they are left stranded as Vanoss comes into play with the already captured heart of Delirious's. Who will win the fight for love, and who will be left to rot alone? All because of one Good Night Call.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> We are so happy to be able to write together and even more happy that you guys like it, so... we're just hoping you're gonna enjoy this story too. <3
> 
> Follow us on tumblr for more Banana Bus Squad content:  
> SlashPrincess: http://johlockedslashprincess.tumblr.com  
> SexualPizzaBox (also known as Weetiebel): http://weetiebel.tumblr.com/

H2O Delirious fidgeted anxiously on his chair. He was trying to connect to Skype but his internet kept crashing.

"Motherfucker." He swore, his eyebrows furrowing. When it crashed for the hundredth time he took his phone out from his pocket and scrolled down his list of contacts, stopping at R.

_"Sorry dude. My internets shitty today, seems like we'll have to catch up when I sort it out :("_ He texted Ohmwrecker, sighing before sending the disappointing news. Del really did want to play with Ohm that night, purely for the fact he loved the attention he got when they suddenly became the last gamers in the group Skype call.

Ohm blinked at his phone as he walked down the dead road towards his local shop to get some dinner. It was about midnight and the crew had been playing GTA V way into the night.

_"Hey that's okay Jon, wanna call me? My phones about to run out of credit xD"_

Del chuckled when he read the text, of course he wanted to call him. Ohm's voice was his favourite thing in the world.

Del didn't have to wait even a full second before Ohm answered.

"Heeeeelllllooooo Jonny boi!" Ohm called down the phone, smiling to himself. He couldn't wait to hear the sound of Del's beautiful but crazy laugh on the other end.

"Hey bitch!" Del snorted loudly, relieved when he finally heard his friend. "What's up? I thought you'd be playing with the guys when I'm... you know… out of reach."

"Nah dude, I’ve been playing with them all day. It’s tiring talking to them for long periods of time. I think I am actually losing brain cells just speaking ABOUT them, let alone talking WITH them." Ohm joked. The noise of the shop floor lightly playing in the background.

"Yeah, I know what you mean. Who could stand fucking Wildcat crying over everything for more than two hours. Are you having dinner now? What will you cook me, babe?"

"Yes and microwaveable spaghetti. Mom’s spaghetti.”

"Makin’ the Wees Neak.” Del chuckled into the phone. “Seriously though, that’s a pretty shitty meal. You're not my bae anymore.”

"Shut up you, it’s midnight and I can't be bothered to cook." Ohm snorted lightly, causing the one cashier to look over to him; giving him a weird stare-down.

 

They kept laughing all night, talking about nothing in particular and Del loved it. He never imagined he could find a friend like this online, but here he was, holding his phone to his ear and enjoying every minute of it.

The clock struck two. Ohm, worried about his Del, whispered. "Dude, how the fuck haven't you run out of phone credit yet?"

"I think I will cry when the bill comes next week." Del was already lying in bed, listening to Ohm chewing his meal and trying to hide his yawn.

“I'll pay half. It's mainly my fault I've kept you so long."  Ohm slurped his spaghetti up. He could hear Del becoming tired as his voice strained and his comments became more and more random. "Go to bed, Jonathan."

"I'm just joking, dude. Don't worry about money. I have way more than I actually need." He paused for a while as the wave of affection, Ohm had shown, showered him. He loved the thoughtfulness of the statement and wondered how a human being could be so kind-hearted to even consider paying his phone bill. "Can we… do this more often?“

"Sure." Ohm replied, thinking deeply to himself. He stood in his kitchen, tapping his fingers on the counter as he finished off his meal. "Hey, Jon."

"Hey, Ryan?"

"Do you wanna go to E3 with me?"

Del blinked to the darkness, suddenly awake. "I-I... I don't know, man. You know, I don't do these things."

"And neither do I." Ohm placed his bowl cautiously into the sink, careful to not make any noise. "Look, I don't wanna pressure you into anything just - just tell me if you wanna."

"I do, I've always wanted to... Maybe this year could be the year. But I can't promise anything. I'll have to think about it."

Ohm paused before inhaling quickly. "Okay. Well, anyway, you should be getting to be-"

"No, Ryan, listen... I'm sorry. I mean, yeah, I can be a fucking coward sometimes, but… I'll go."

"But-" Ohm chewed on his bottom lip. He hadn't meant to sound so forceful. "Don't do it for me, do it for yourself, Jon."

Del smiled to himself, Ohm really was the kindest man he had ever met. "I'll do it for both of us."

“Only if you're sure."

"I am..." Del yawned again, his eyelids were starting to get heavy and hearing Ohm’s voice was so calming.

"Well, good, good. Get some rest and we'll speak about this tomorrow. Maybe your internet will be better then too. Night, Jonathan."

"Good night, Ohm." Del mumbled before falling asleep almost instantly.

 ...

Ohm's phone rang- the song 'Delirious Army' playing softly, muffled by his trouser pockets. "Hello?"

"Hey bitch." Del sighed, relieved when he heard the well-known sound of Ohm's voice without interruption by anyone else. Del had noticed this: throughout the endless games Ohm played hardly anyone listened to him; Del included. Even though Ohm was one of the most caring people among the group, he had almost the lowest subs. All because he didn’t like to be loud and attention seek like most of them did. It was weird to think that’s what fame was about; who could shout their name the loudest.

Their usual gaming session had just ended with Del exhausted and almost on the verge of tears that day. And all because of Evan fucking Fong. Del thought they had something special, he had a crush on him from the day they started playing together. But he never really thought about it, because it seemed so surreal. They have never seen each other and Evan had always had some girl around him. But it was never a serious relationship, he considered Evan to just be that type of guy that didn’t want himself to commit to it.  He thought his relationship with Sydney wouldn't last, but today Vanoss told them something he was not prepared to hear.

"Hey, you okay dude? You seem kind of bummed out. What's wrong?" Ohm played with the rim of his t-shirt as he watched cars drive by his apartment. Del had seemed down all game, almost rage quitting when he died and went over to death’s side. He had stayed quiet for the rest of the game; only speaking when someone spoke directly to him.

"You fucking know what's wrong, man." Del was sitting behind the kitchen counter, getting himself drunk by any means possible as he tried to get over the crushing news.

"No..." Ohm could hear the pain dripping from Del's voice. The tone hurt him. “I don’t.”

"Evan is... getting..." He couldn't force the words out. He didn't even know he wanted Vanoss that bad. It never occurred to him that it could have been more than just a crush weighing on his shoulders. Vanoss and he were inspirable. 

 "Married? Is that really what you're sour about? We all saw it coming. They've been going out for age’s dude."

"Yeah." Del chugged the rest of the quarter full wine bottle. "That's why I'm an idiot."

Ohm sighed, rubbing the back of his neck. He felt so useless. "What are you going to do about it Jon? I mean, he loves her."

Del laughed sadly. “I can’t do anything. I mean... Fuck. Fuck me. Fuck him. Why do I even think about these stupid ass things? I'm sorry. I don't want you to listen to me whining over someone I've never met! How completely stupid of me to think we had something! For fuck sake. "

"Del, chill, you’re going to be okay. And I don’t mind your whining. You can fall in love with someone without seeing them. I understand."

"I'm drunk, man." Del droned as he leant on the counter, head spinning. "I don't wanna see him. He's gonna be at E3 too."

"We don't have to see him. It could just be me and you, and we can steer clear of the others." Ohm sighed again.

"Yeah, okay..."

"Well it's sorted then. You can stop your moaning."

“Fuck you." Del said, smiling for the first time today. "I can moan as much as I want."

"Bring it on, motherfucker." Ohm giggled into the phone, almost dropping it as he walked out into the cold air of his balcony.

Del laughed, whilst his intoxicated brain was considering making filthy sounds to cause confusion. Fortunately he decided not to do it.

"So whatcha you gonna be doin’ now? If you’re not busy I’d love a BJ."

"Oh? If that's what you want, I shall gladly deliver." He played along with the drunk man’s random comments, knowing this would only end in disaster. He hated himself for doing so.

Del kept laughing, forgetting for a second about the Asian fucker who may have just broken his heart. "You're such a whore, Ohm. I've always knew-known that."

Ohm laughed deeply. "Nahhh. What would make you say that?"

“Now I know who-what-who you think about when-whilst you’re masturbating, it's not secret anymore, bitch."

"Oh and who is that, Delirious?"

"A beautiful clown, moaning to your ear." Del snorted when he pictured the scene. Distracted, he accidentally sent his empty glass bottle plummeting to the ground. He jerked back away from the sound of shattering and cursed, wiggling on the chair.

"ARE YOU OKAY? WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT JON?"

"A fucking drunk clown-man breaking glass." Del looked down at the scattered broken pieces, deciding he didn’t want to deal with it. Instead he opened a new bottle, now vodka, and started to drink from that; not caring how he’d feel tomorrow morning.

"Stop, Delirious."

"Why?"

"You're going to hurt yourself. Or get liver problems from drinking so much."

"I'm not drinking that much." Del pouted.

"No, no, you are. You’re going to hurt yourself."

"I'm an adult and I can handle myself quite well."

"A depressed adult who just broke a glass.”

"And you’ve never broken a glass? And don't make me out to be fucking depressed, I'm not … a… a… a… depressed-man-person." Del started to feel angry, he didn't know if it was the alcohol talking or the flooding thoughts of Vanoss, but he didn't need Ohm telling him what to do.

"Okay, okay, I'm sorry, Jon." Ohm could hear the tension in Del's voice. It hurt his heart to think he had actually made Del angry at him. "I'm just worried about you, ya know?"

"I should go to bed."

“Jo-" Ohm's phone cut off and all that was left with was the soft buzz of the busy road outside. Damn it, he had fucked up.

Del kept staring to the floor for a while, feeling pissed off and light-headed and sad. He squeezed the phone in his hand before throwing it against the wall in a fit of anger. He knew he was being illogical, but he didn't feel like dealing with anyone right now. Fuck the world. Who needed love anyway, he was perfectly happy on his own.

Del finally stood up, unsure with his balance, and headed to his bedroom, leaving the god damn phone in the kitchen.

Ohm rang Del's mobile again, hoping he'd pick up but to no avail. After 5th time he gave up. He stumbled to his bedroom, worried about Del. He hadn't meant to upset him. Snuggling into his blankets fully dressed he sat there, wide awake, thinking of how he'd make it up to Del.

 ...

Del woke up with a brutal headache and scratchy throat next morning. He blinked a few times to adjust his eyes to the light which stabbed at them. He got out of his bed slowly, stumbling over his own feet, and headed to the kitchen in a search of something to drink. Del passed the vodka bottle that was more empty than full and looked at the glass of the wine bottle all over the floor. He knew he fucked up.

After drinking some water Del found his phone almost dead on the kitchen counter; Ohm tried to call him so many times and he hadn’t picked up once. It almost hurt worse than Evan getting married. He was playing with the phone in his hands, trying to come up with an apology for Ohm, but he couldn't think of anything that would make it up to him. So he decided to do what he always did when he fucked up, lock himself up with his games and solo projects and forget about the world.

 

The sky was almost dark when he took his eyes off of the screen, he felt how sore and dry they were. For the first time in his god damn life he didn't feel any better after playing a few rounds of solo COD and the whole replaying of Among the Sleep. The phone call from yesterday was still haunting him.

"Oh, fuck me." He growled. Del grabbed his phone off recharge and scrolled to most frequently used name, clicking the phone symbol. The nerves made his stomach churn.

"Please leave a message after the tone, beeeeeep."

"Oh shit. Answer it, Ryan. I know I'm a motherfucker but please just pick up, God damn it." Del’s stomach began to twist more violently and his heart dropped. He dialled it again, and then again, but to no avail. Until he called the 4th time and a familiar voice was heard on the other end sounding... completely like himself.

"Hey Delirious, what's up, man?"

Del’s breath hitched and he had to clear his throat before speaking. "Hey man, not much, I just played some games and... yeah."

"That's good to hear, little man. You’ve been up to anything today?" Ohm kept with the small talk. He could hear the awkwardness in Del's voice but he didn't pry on it.

Del’s heart fluttered as the nick name _‘little man’_ popped up. He had never noticed how often Ohm called him it. "Not at all..."

"Oh, nothing?" Ohm bit into his lip, now was the killer question. "Why'd you ring me, man? Something on your mind or just wanted a chat? Either way’s good. Sorry I picked up late, I was just at work, and by work I mean the side job I'm doing at the moment. Sorry."

"Naah, that's okay. Don't apologize." Del coughed nervously. "I'm the idiot here."

"What did you do this time? Smash another glass?"

Del tensed. “Look, I'm sorry for yesterday Ohm… I mean... you're always here for me and it's not your fault for caring about me and I just... I'm a bitch."

"Dude, look, it’s okay." Ohm could feel a lump in his throat as he spoke. Of course he was mad at Del for hanging up and shouting at him, but he could never stay mad. He didn't want to make a big fuss. "I understand you're under a lot. I shouldn't have told you what to do, sorry man."

"It's not okay. I'll try to be a less of an idiot next time." Del coughed again. "Are we still going to E3?" He asked after a moment of silence.

"If you want to."

"Of course I want to."

"Good, so, it’s in a month's time. How do you wanna work it?”

 "Buy a ticket and book a hotel?" Del smiled, the tension falling off of him.

"Okay, let me have a little look a second." Ohm went to his computer which was already on and searched up want Del had suggested.

The tickets were rather pricy but Ohm didn't mind. He clicked the buy button easily for the tickets, buying a duo set someone was reselling on eBay for cheaper, and had a gander at the hotel's, booking one on the outskirts of Los Angeles. For around $150 a night. Hefty, but he was sure it was worth every penny.

"What? What you doing?" The silence killing Del.

"Booking and Buying, I've got a hotel on the outskirts of Los Angeles. Is it okay if you chip in $20 for the hotel?"

“It’s gonna be more than that, it’s LA for God sake.” Del scowled, heading for his own laptop. "I'm gonna pay for it, man."

"$20. Yeah."

“No Ohm, it must be at least two hundred a night! It’s damn E3! What are you, crazy? Let me at least do half.”

"Nah, it’s okay, I'm basically dragging you out here." Ohm swirled in his chair whilst his credit card drained. "If you really wanna pay, take me out to dinner whilst we're there."

"It's not okay. I am going to pay half. Discussion is over or I’m gonna pay all of it" Del had already logged onto twitch, sending Ohm five hundred to his Twitch donations. "But dinner sounds good. I'm definitely in for a dinner."

"Delirious!" Ohm squawked as he saw the notification from Twitch pop up.

"Shut up you." Del laughed. Money was the last thing he want Ohm to worry about. But there was another thing on his mind. "Hey, Ohm. I was thinking... you wanna tell guys we're coming?"

"Only if you wann- I- um- I'm fine with it."

"I'm not really sure... because Evan's gonna be there."

The stupid Asian guy was still occupying his thoughts. It was not that bad anymore, he just got too emotional yesterday because he simply didn’t see it coming and he was just used to thinking about how maybe he and Evan could work it out somehow one day.

 "Well,” Ohm paused, of course Evan was on his mind. “When we go there we can see if you feel like it. It's three days so you can decide when to go and who to tell when.""

"Yeah..." Del stared at his screen, scrolling through twitter, reading how everyone was already so hyped with it. He couldn't believe he was still thinking about seeing Evan and excited for it, because what hell, he was a fucking grown man.

"Well it's decided then." Ohm sang happily. "I'll send you the link and details of the hotel. Meet you there then? I have it booked for the 13th and it’s just 'pay as you go' kind of hotel as the room we are in hasn't been booked at all."

Del smiled, it was one of his favourite things about Ohm; he was practical and could get him out of any funk. "Yes, sir." He laughed.

"Happier now?"

“I am. Thank you for being here for me."

"It's what friends are for."

"You're the bestest friend I've ever had."

"Alright, no need to get all sappy and gay with me. Thanks though. You too." Ohm giggled down the phone, lying on his bed and staring at the ceiling.

The words Ohm had said warmed Del’s heart up way more than he expected. "Are you going to sleep yet? I was thinking that maybe I could kick your ass in Mortal Kombat."

Ohm smiled. "Well, I suppose I could stay up a little longer."

"You always know how to please a man." Del laughed. "But if you're tired... you don't have to."

"Nope, I'm already setting up. I'm gonna beat your ass!"

“You think so? I wouldn't be so sure about that." Del said, turning his own set up on.

They played well over 2 hours of Mortal Kombat before calling it a night.


	2. Chapter 2

Before Ohm knew it, he was on his flight to E3 and more importantly to meet Delirious in person. He took a four and a half hour flight to LA and caught a taxi to the hotel he and Del were situated at. Finding it to see nobody was waiting for him at the hour of 10 pm, he went into a local shop located nearby to find snacks - hungry from his long journey. On returning he saw a figure standing in the reception of the hotel. Ohm walked in to be surprised by a female figure. Gutted not to find Del, he sat down on the seats provided; eating his potato chips he had obtained.

While he was waiting for Delirious to arrive, his phone chimed with a new message. He was expecting it to be from Del but it turned out to be his sister.

“Hello, baby. How was your flight? We’re already missing u. Hope you’ll be back soon. Xx”

He smiled at the screen and sent an affirmative answer that everything was alright. He typed how he’d already checked in at the hotel and was so excited to finally see Delirious.

He loved Susan from the depth of his heart. She was the closest person in his life, the person who knew everything about him; every single detail of his life, and he couldn’t be more grateful to have her. She had a beautiful daughter, Alex, who was 5 years old and was way too clever for her age. It hadn’t been long since he had moved out because of his job and he was genuinely missing the both of them so much.

Even though his twin sister never told him too, he was supporting them with everything he had because they were too amazing to suffer. They had had problems with ex-boyfriends, Alex’s father running away unexpectedly and the fact there were hardly any jobs near their apartment. Susan wasn’t a bad mother, she just had bad luck, so Ohm supported her as much as he could. Even getting a side job to keep more money rolling in for them. He really did love his family.

Before Ohm could finish the packet of chips he was eating, another person wondered in, almost looking in a dream like state, almost looking delirious. He had a slim figure, just a bit smaller than Ohm’s with practically porcelain skin. The other male’s eyes were icy blue with freckles of rich blue surrounding it causing them to look like icebergs floating in a beautiful azure ocean. His hair was ruffled up, disturbed by his journey - Ohm guessed - which was a deep dark brown; black in the light at the reception. The same dark hair appeared as stubble which lined his jaw. Was this him?

Del walked into the posh looking lounge, he wasn’t sure if he had actually got the right place. He was tired as hell from the flight, which felt like it had taken forever, and this was combined with the excitement of meeting Ohmwrecker making him feel rather light headed.

"Good evening, sir." The receptionist greeted him with a polite smile.

"Hi," he returned the smile. "I should have a reservation here. My friend booked it."

"Of course, sir. What's your name?"

Ohm listened to the conversation, curious. 

"I'm Jonathan Dennis and my friend's Ryan… umm... Ryan." Del stumbled on his words, realising he didn’t know Ohm's full name.

"I’m sorry sir, but I will need the full name of your companion." The receptionist smiled.

Del blinked at her with heavy lids, feeling the crimson rush to his cheeks. "Yeah, sorry..." He started to rummage through his pockets to get his phone out and took a look around, not knowing whether Ohm was already here or still on the road. His eyes got stuck on a man sitting on the coach, who was grinning at him. But he looked away and dialled Ohm’s number, feeling so ashamed he had never asked for Ohm’s second name.

Ohm’s phone went off and he picked it up. "It's Ryan McDavidson." He laughed into it, walking over to the pair. Del jumped at the loudness as the voice was doubled, one on his phone speaker and one speaking behind him. He turned around slowly to find the man sat on the sofa now standing behind him.

"I knew it was you, you motherfucker!" Del cursed, smiling widely with his phone still pressed against his ear. "I knew right away."

Ohm laughed, he too still holding his phone up, talking to the other male through it. "Of course you did, Delirious.” The receptionist raised an eyebrow as the pair hung up on each other, laughing, before handing over the keys. The duo got in the elevator before speaking again.

"Delirious? Really?" Jon hissed, when the door closed and the elevator set to motion. But he gave up on the attempt of playing angry a second later, when their arms brushed and he suddenly realized it was all real. He looked up to see his face. Ohm had rather tanned skin with light unnoticeable freckles, almond, dark brown eyes and light brown hair which almost matched his skin. It was so… normal looking, but so nice.

Seeing Del laugh in real life had been a dream come true. His voice was smoother than over Skype and calling. Ohm loved it.

 "How'd you know it was me, I was gonna surprise you!"

“I didn't, and damn, you definitely surprised me." The elevator stopped and the doors opened, but Del didn't even notice it, being overwhelmed with finally meeting the faceless man.

"Why'd you look over at me weirdly then?" Ohm chuckled, stepping out to the elevator and carting his things. He looked back at Del with a raised eyebrow, waiting for the other man to get out.

"You were staring at me!" Del blurted out, taking his own bag and followed Ohm's steps.

"Nawww, I wasn't."

“No, you were. I know I'm beautiful but you were being too obvious. The only thing missing was you drooling on the floor." Del laughed. They passed along a few doors finally arriving to their apartment.

"Oh, I was drooling, little man." Ohm laughed, unlocking the door and stepping inside.

There was a bathroom to their right and to their left was a clothing cupboard. In front of them was a sofa, TV and a bed. And there was also a small kitchen with a dining table next to the bathroom.

Del closed the door behind them and let his bag fall to the floor. Now there was only one thing left to do. "Hey, Ohm."

"Hey, Delirious?"

Del grinned at Ohm, who had turned to face him, and held out his arms. "I think you didn't greet me well enough."

Ohm grinned widely. Almost running into Del's arms which wrapped almost immediately around his body, squeezing him tightly.

"It's so nice to actually see you, dude. You're more normal looking than I’d thought you'd be."

"Aaaah. That hurts my feelings. I'll be less normal next time."

Ohm laughed. He watched as Del flailed his arms and made such an adorable, confused-looking expression. "No, it's a good thing. I thought you’d be super ugly to be honest."

"Oh, thank you. That sounds much better." Del laughed too. "I thought you'd be super normal. And there you are... Super normal." Del knew he was talking shit again, but he didn't care, he loved just listening to Ohm’s voice.

"Super normal?! What do you mean, Delirious?"

"You heard me."

"No, what does that mean!?" Ohm said cutely.

"That means I'm fucking with you."

"Noo. Why am I super normal then, little man?"

Del's heart melted, that nickname was going to be the death of him. "I'm just tired as hell and I'm talking shit and I want fooooood."

Ohm laughed lightly, dropping the teasing. "Where'd you wanna go?"

"Anywhere. Please." Del's stomach rumbled loudly in approval.

Ohm laughed louder. "We could order? That might be better than walking someplace as we're tired as shit. I have some chips to keep you going. They're salt and vinegar."

"Yeah, something, anything. I'll just go have a shower. Could you order some pizza?"

“Sure what do you want, buddy?"

"Peperoniiiii." Del laughed before he disappeared in the bathroom.

 

"Pizza's here!" Ohm hollered into the apartment, Del still hidden away.

"What? So fast?" Del wrapped a towel around his waist, water dripping off of him. He sprinted to the kitchen to find Ohm already stuffing his mouth with two slices at once. "Hey, I want some too!"

Ohm almost choked as Del came slipping in. He was dripping wet, his skin pale and shiny. "You - You've been in there like 20 minutes."

Del just hummed and began eating the best food of his life, not even caring about manners.

Ohm stared at him and licked his lips unintentionally almost forgetting about the pizza. Cartoonz and he were the only ones with the pleasure of meeting Del in person. Why hadn't Cartoonz at least warned him he'd be hot as fuck?

It took Del a while before he felt Ohm's intense eyes on him. "You're staring again." He remarked with his mouth full.

"Naww, I'm not." Ohm still didn't avert his eyes though. “Oh and by the way, there is only one bed.”

Del nearly choked on his pizza. "Are you fucking serious, Ryan?"

 

A silence crept in as they chewed on their pizzas, Ohm fidgeting in his chair.

"Why are you so nervous, man?" Jonathan asked.

"Hm? I'm not."

"Don't play with me. I can see it, there's no screen between us anymore, you know."

"Well,” Ohm paused a second before continuing. “It’s so weird seeing you face to face, ya know? Like... I don't know. I'm just shyer without the screen."

"Naah, don't be, I'm the same idiot I've always been." Del smiled at him, studying Ohm's cute face.

Ohm snickered to himself before getting up. “Anyway, you hogged the shower, it’s my go now."

"Yeah, I'll be probably be passed out when you're done."

Ohm smiled before closing the door behind him, letting out a ragged breath. He hated himself for thinking such things. He wanted Del to himself. He was even considering dropping out of going to E3, scared the others would nick Del from him because they always did. Especially Evan. He hated himself for being so glad when Vanoss had announced the wedding and hated himself more for the fact Del was in pain due to his selfish needs. Ohm turned the shower on and jumped in. He was such a loser, clinging to hurt Del like that.

After his shower Ohm walked out to find Del spread across the king sized bed, dead asleep. He knew he should have been happy meeting Del but it only made his heart hurt even more. Frustrated by the war going on in his head, he quietly bundled onto the sofa and slowly fell into a light sleep. 

 ...

The pair travelled to E3 the next morning. Del was set on one thing; seeing Vanoss and maybe even letting him know he WAS the real Delirious. He decided it was the best thing to do. Maybe if he confessed his appearance then he could figure out what feelings he had for Evan. Maybe…

They saw the line of people waiting for the fan meet up long before they actually got to it. The day was slowly coming to the end and they were already tired, their legs sore as hell. And Del was anxious of meeting people that he was friends with for years, which was fucking ridiculous.

"Calm down, Jon. You don't have to do it." Ohm said. Their fingers and palms brushed and Del took a deep breath.

"No, I do."

They stepped in the line and waited. A light smile appeared on his lips when they were slowly beginning to shuffle forward.

It took them over an hour to finally see everyone who was there. Besides Vanoss and his buff-ass they had also seen Lui, Bryce, Brock, Tyler, Brian, Nogla and Craig whilst they were wondering around. They all seemed to be tired as well but still laughing, signing various pieces of paper and taking photos with other people.

"Are you sure you wanna do this?" Ohm mumbled as they jumped into Vanoss’ queue.

“Yeah, I am.”

So they waited. The closer they got, the calmer Delirious was. He was actually thinking of telling all of them that they weren't fans, maybe over skype; not only revealing themselves to Evan, but to everyone.

He turned around to tell Ohm what he was thinking about, to find out he was gone. He felt the panic clutch his chest until he saw Ohm standing in another line, just a few people in front him. He was in Bryce’s line which seemed to be a lot smaller than Vanoss’.

The minutes went by and Del was only a few people away from Evan now, he could see his face as well as his broad shoulders and the muscles under the white shirt he was wearing. He knew Evan was shy and it was easy to see why he didn't enjoy events like this, being on display, like animals in the zoo.

More time passed by and there he was. Standing behind the last person who had been in front of him for hours. They took the paper with Evan's signature and took the last picture with their phone and were gone.

He took a deep breath and stepped forward, smiling at him shyly. "Hey, man, what's up?"

"Hey dude." Evan replied with a tired smile.

Delirious got a bit nervous but who was he kidding, Evan was fucking hot. "I know you probably hear this a lot... but. I just, I'm the biggest fan."

Evan laughed but didn't remark on the comment. Of course lots of people said it.

So he continued with the usual stuff: "I love your videos, they helped me through a lot. And I don't wanna sound gay, man, but I really mean it." He was babbling, and he knew it. But he couldn’t help it. Evan was still wearing a tired smile. "Can I... maybe get a..."

"Signature?"  Evan asked automatically, being the 100th time it had been asked today. The sound of his voice got overpowered with Delirious asking for… a hug. What was he doing?

Evan stared at him for a little, but agreed. "Sure..."

They both laughed and Del's heart jumped a little when the awkwardness between them eased off. Evan leaned over the table and Del did the same, he was still giggling when Evan started to wrap his arms around him. Del made sure too really sound like him before speaking again. "Hey bitch, I'm the real Delirious." He said in his most typical voice right next to Evan's ear.

Del chuckled once more, trying to hold Evan's warm body for as long as he could, enjoying how close they were, but he soon felt how uncomfortable Evan was so he pulled away from him. They both stared at one another.

"Nice to meet you, man." Smiling once more Del turned on his heels and walked away.

Evan recognized him, he must have. And if he haven't Del was already determined to text him as soon as possible that it was him and that he _was_ at E3. He pulled his phone out of his pocket to call Ohm as he was nowhere to be seen. He dialled his number and waited for him to pick up.

"Hey what's up?" Ryan called, Del heard the crowd cheering around him.

"Hey, Ryan. It's me. Where -" _are you?_ He wanted to add but someone was calling to him.

"Wait!" Evan almost shouted, grabbing Del’s shoulder.

Del grinned at him and put his phone away, forgetting about the call. "Oh... Hi, Evan."

"You're such a motherfucking idiot." Evan hissed, the corners of his mouth twitching.

"I didn't expect you to come to me right away." Jonathan said, attempting to keep his voice and face serious, but failing miserably.

"And what should I have done? Let you walk away?"

"Dunno... Your fans are waiting. And staring at us." Del mumbled, kinda worried about the speculations and rumours that would start after this.

"I know. I'll call you in an hour and we’ll talk." Evan said. He was walking away already, but turned to him once more to mouth: "Bitch."

Ohm ended the call. Why did Del do this to him? He had met Bryce who had treated him like any other fan. He was way too shy to actually tell him that he was more of a friend than a fan. Instead he had stood there like an idiot and now Del was doing this to him? Putting Vanoss before himself. He really did feel invisible.

Del's heart, on the other side of the convention centre, was beating so fast he thought it would jump out of his chest. He needed to get away from the peering eyes as people wondered who he was. He headed to the exit looking around him, trying to find Ohm, but there were so many people it was impossible. He dialled his number again.

"Hello?"

"Hey, where you at? I can't find you."

"Um-" Ohm was contemplating whether to be mean or just act like nothing happened. "I'm just walking to the food court." He was weak.

Del was too excited to hear the pain from his voice. "I'll meet you there in a few."

Ohm waited for around 10 minutes before Delirious appeared. His cute little dimpled cheeks were lit up with a rose-red blush and his smile wide. Ohm wished he could make Del that happy. He really did. But he didn't seem to make anyone particularly happy. Ohm was just there as more of a convenience.

Del's smile disappeared right at the moment he saw Ohm's broken face.

"What... what's going on, Ryan? Did something happen?"

"What? No, no, no. I'm just hungry."

Del frowned, watching him carefully. Something was wrong but if Ohm didn't want to tell him he wouldn't push.

"Well, I promised you a dinner, so let's go get some."

Ohm smiled weakly at Del. There was no way he'd have the balls to tell him that he was deeply jealous and more or less forgotten whenever someone better came into play.  "So you had fun seeing Evan? Was he all you ever hoped him to be? I bet he's a great lad."

“He's... well, I mean. I already knew what he looks like and I also know him better than I should. So it shouldn't have been any surprise... But he's much more than I thought he’d be." He was still so hyped from meeting him. Del checked the time to keep the track of it because he wanted to make sure he wouldn't miss his phone call. "He said, he would call me in an hour so we have plenty of time to eat."

He looked at Ohm who was still too quiet.

"Oh, uh, nice. Did you tell him I was here with you too?" There was something nagging him in his brain not to ask because he knew he'd be heart broken by rejection.

"There was no time for that, man. I'll tell him when he calls."

Ohm looked at Del silently for a second. There was no time for him, not in Del's mind. He sighed before putting up a chipper front. "So, where we gonna eat buddy?"

"Wherever you want to, baby. You look like you're gonna die soon." Del looked at him, worried again.

Ohm twitched at the word _'baby'_ , letting it seep in for a minute. Of course it wasn't meant endearingly. Ohm already knew he couldn't sway Delirious' delirious heart. "Whatever's closest?"

 

"How was your meeting Bryce?" Del asked while heading for the food together.

"Um, It was okay. I didn't tell him I was me."

"Why not?"

Ohm paused for a second. Why didn't he? Was he too shy? Too scared? Too secretive? He bit his lip, trying to think of something that didn't make him sound like a pussy. Delirious was so much braver than him. "I got interrupted before I could say anything..." Ohm mumbled, settling for the lie. "Some stage thing he had to attend. I don't really know."

"Crap. That sucks ass." Del said, disappointed. "But you could always text him, you know. Or whoever that's here who you wanna meet..."

“I don't really have anyone's numbers."

"I do."

"Well, good for you." Ohm laughed. Hurt a little by the fact he really wasn't that close with anyone. "How'd you get them? - steal them I bet."

"Nooooo! I just wanted to say I can give you any number you want."

"Oh, well. I'd have to think about it before I start texting people randomly. Thanks, though."

"Naah, don't worry about it. They're not little babies. And you're a part of a group as everyone else is."

Ohm didn't say anything as they sat down for a meal. They had just ended up in Nandos, the spicy chicken restaurant. They ordered with their stomachs already rumbling and waited for the food to arrive in silence. Del was looking at his phone all the time, his leg bouncing nervously under the table, and Ohm was staring at him, watching him impatiently wait for Vanoss to call, and wondered if Del ever waited like that for a reply from him.

 

Delirious was just about to finish his meal when his phone vibrated.

"Hey man," he said when he answered it.

_"Hey, Delirious. What you doing?"_

He smiled when he heard his voice again.

"I'm just having dinner with Ohm."

_“Oh, I see.”_

"Yeah, he's here with me." Del smiled at Ohm who was still looking too sad for his liking.

_"So, I was thinking... I don't have any more time today, but what about dinner tomorrow?"_

"Sounds good. You still with guys?"

_"Yep."_

"Don't tell them, please. At least not yet."

_"Don't worry, I won’t. I have to go now, but I'll text you the address and time later, alright?"_

"You better. See you, Evan."

_"See ya."_

"What was that about?" Ohm raised an eyebrow, playing with the straw in his drink.

"Looks like we're having dinner tomorrow." Del looked on the phone and then up to Ohm.

"Cool." Ohm felt sick. He wasn't sure if it was because of this news or because he had eaten too much. The _‘we’_ in Del’s sentence meaning Vanoss and him. Not Ohm. Of course Vanoss wanted to take Del for a meal, a meal more expensive and more enjoyable than the one they had just eaten right now. Ohm felt bad that he couldn't pay for anything more. He hardly got any money from YouTube compared to Evan and had to work a side job to pay for his family... Maybe Del was better off with him after all.

"Wanna head back? You look like shit. Are you sure you're okay, Ohm?" Del was studying him, concerned.

"Thanks… and sure. I am just tired. Ya know, it's been a long ass day."

"Bed's yours today." He smiled at him with a wink.

 

They took a taxi back to the hotel. After they had both taken a shower they collapsed on the bed and couch. Del smiled into the darkness.

"Hey, Ohm?"

"Mmm?"

"Thanks for dragging me here. You really are my best friend."

Ohm's heart started to race. Del really knew how to make his heart flutter. “You too."

"Good night."

"Night." They both fell asleep but Ohm got woken up by lightening 3 hours later.

 He ducked his head under his pillow and jumped at every low crackle it made. He hated it.

Ohm didn't want to wake Del up, he didn't want him to know he was weak, but after the 5th time it struck he couldn't take it. He got up and ran to the cupboard near the door, slamming it shut as he got in to hide.

The loud sound, however, woke up Del. He sat up on the couch and looked around, confused when he couldn’t see Ohm in bed.

"What the..." He got up to his feet and headed to the bathroom which he found dark and empty.

"Ohm?"

There was a bang from the cupboard.

Del approached it gingerly and slammed the doors open to find Ohm covered in their clothing, hiding his head. Del blinked at him. He must've been fucking kidding. Ohm was afraid of storms?

"Hey, baby-bunny. Whatcha doing here?" Del said in his calmest voice, as though he was talking to a child.

Ohm almost jumped into his arms, stopping himself as he remembered it was Del. "Nothing."

"You could've just woke me up, you scaredy-cat." He brought him into his arms. The clothing Ohm was wrapped in slid down, exposing his bare chest. Del felt the shivers that took over Ohm's body, so he just held him, caressing his arms and back.

Ohm really hoped Del couldn't feel how hard his heart was beating. "I'm not scar-" And with that another crackle of lightening came fast causing Ohm pushed into Del harder, hiding in his armpit.

"I see." Delirious squeezed him a bit tighter. He was considering the option of lifting him up and taking him to bed, but gave it up when Ohm decided to lean on him a bit more and nearly sent them to the ground.

"Okay, Ryan. There are two options. First one is we're gonna stand here until we both pass out. The other one is I'm gonna take you to bed and wait for you to fall asleep again. Which one you like better?"

Ohm’s laugh lacked air as he let go of Del slightly. "I don't need babying." He began walking towards the bed before another flash and rumble spooked him and he ran back to Del. He was such a wimp.

Del tried not to laugh. "Sure, you don't." He directed them towards the bed and began to walk slowly together with Ohm.

"Don't laugh at me!"

"I'm not!" They flopped onto the bed together and Del pulled the covers over them both. "You seriously gonna sleep with me?"

"Naaah, I'm just gonna lie with you and watch you sleep. I haven't slept for twenty years, you didn't know? I'm a vampire." Del said when he pulled Ohm close to him and let his head rest on his chest.

Ohm nearly had a heart attack. Del was way too close, he could feel his breath on his neck causing him to shiver. "Ha ha, very fun-" There was another bang and Ohm hid.

Del jerked too with this one, which made Ohm's head hit his chin.

"Oh shit." He hissed and decided to position Ohm better. He laid Ohm towards him, so they were facing each other, and threw his arm over Ohm's torso to draw him closer.

"Go to sleep, baby-bunny."

 It seemed like the storm had finally calmed down an hour later. Ohm slowly calmed too while listening to Del’s heartbeat.

"Thanks, Delirious." Ohm mumbled before falling into a deep sleep.

Del sighed and closed his eyes. Ohm's hot breath was tickling his chest and it was weirdly nice and peaceful. He was feeling so good, like his heart wasn't bleeding at all anymore. He was so glad Ohm decided to be friends with him. Because if he decided otherwise Del would be probably lying in his bed at home, alone, torturing himself because of Evan's marriage and crying over things he wasn't able to change.

He sighed once again, blinking into the darkness of their hotel room and kissed Ohm's forehead without really thinking about it. "Good night, Ryan."

…

The second day of E3 went by and Del stared at his reflection in the mirror, actually pleased with how he looked for the first time in his life. His hair had decided to behave and his cheeks were a bit flushed from the excitement that was pumping through his veins. And even though he knew he had literally no chance of his dreams happening, the things he always imagined when he thought of meeting Evan, he was okay with that. He was a grown ass man and he could control his emotions. His heart definitely wasn't beating faster because of Evan while he was running down the stairs and waiting for the taxi to arrive.

 _"On my way, man."_ He texted him when the taxi driver picked him up. He took a deep breath and told himself once again to keep calm. They were friends and he was okay with that.

He was watching from the window as the streets were passing by, the taxi finally stopping.

Del paid and gave the driver a nervous smile before getting off. The restaurant they were supposed to meet at was posh, you could tell Evan had picked it. There was a man in a suit who opened the door for him and he nodded a greeting to him. He stepped in and saw Evan right away, he was apparently watching for him as he smiled and waved at him the second the door closed behind Del.

Del smiled back and felt the tension disappearing with every inch he got closer to him.

"Hey, Jonathan." Evan smirked.

"Hey, Evan." Jon grinned at him and sat down, looking around them. "Are you this posh too or did you pick this because of me?"

Vanoss chuckled lightly. "Well, I wouldn't come here by myself. That's for damn sure. It would have to be someone pretty special."

"I hope so. This place doesn't suit you at all." He paused for a bit. "Oh. And Ohm declined. He said he was meeting up with someone else, which I highly doubt.”

"Oh, that's okay. I mean, did you invite him?"

"Yeah, I thought... you wanted to see us both?" Del looked at him, confused.

“Yeah... I guess." Vanoss seemed unsure. He shuffled in his chair uncomfortably. "I mean..." He went silent.

Del raised his eyebrow. "Why so mysterious, man?"

"Hm?" Vanoss gave him a stern look and laughed. "I'm not."

Del rolled his eyes on him. "No? I see." He returned his stare, but they were interrupted by the waiter who came for their orders. Evan was already drinking a whiskey, judging by the look, so he ordered the same for himself and they both ordered a meal each. A very posh meal each. Del didn’t really understand the menu so he just got whatever Vanoss was getting.

"Oooo, good choice." Vanoss said, cheekily winking at Del.

"I'm learning from the master. So how you enjoying E3 so far?" He decided to start the small talk since Vanoss didn't look like he would tell him what was on his mind.

"Ah, I love it every year dude. Especially this year."

“Oh? Why’s that?”

“Because my favourite clown-man is here.” He smiled at him and Jonathan’s heart was suddenly full of rainbows and they were talking to each other like it wasn’t the second time they’ve seen each other at all.

Del was happy to be here and Evan seemed to be happy as well. When their dinner arrived they fell into a silence.

"So, how's Ohm? Is he good?" Evan asked.

“He’s good. I think."

"Good, it’s sad he couldn't come. How's your first time at E3 going - if it is your first time?" Vanoss started to cut up his food into small pieces. Eating one tiny piece at a time.

Del was starting to feel like there was something off all of sudden, like there was something weird going on between them. But he smiled at him again. "It's huge as fuck, I never imagined it to be that big and that awesome. And yeah, it is the first time. I'm sorry I didn’t tell you I'd be coming, but it was just... I decided to go at the last minute."

"Why is that?"

"Ohm talked me into it. And I didn't even know if I was gonna meet you. I still don't wanna show my face to anyone." He was looking at Evan chewing on his dinner. "I guess... Oh, whatever."

Vanoss gave him questioning look, raising an eyebrow. "What?"

"Nothing." Del stuffed his mouth with a big portion of the steak he ordered to shut up already before saying something he shouldn't say. Like... _‘I would have never showed up if it wasn’t for you’_ or _… ‘I didn't want you to see me. But when I saw you I couldn't help it. I needed to talk to you.’_ His stomach cringed.

Vanoss smirked as he watched Del eat his meal. "It's so weird to see you in person man like, it’s like a dream come true."

Del choked on the piece of meat. "Is it?" He looked at him surprised.

"Well yeah, I mean, it’s such a big deal seeing you and all. I guess Ohm wasn't that surprised to see the one and only H2O Delirious in person by the way you’re reacting to me."

"Mmmm." He swallowed and looked up. Evan was watching him and his dark eyes were stabbing his skin, it was fucking ridiculous. Why did he feel these things? Why did he feel like Evan was doing it on purpose? "I think we've just haven't been playing much together lately... I mean, you and me."

“Maybe... I'm gonna go loo a second." Vanoss got up, and turned, heading to the toilets at the back of the room.

"Yeah, dats a toilet." Del laughed before Evan left, seeing his lips curling into a smile too. He watched him leave. He was fighting the feeling that Evan was actually jealous at Ohm. Could he be? Maybe Vanoss liked him after all? He finished his whiskey with a long gulp and ordered another one.

Vanoss came back smiling. "Ya finished man? Give me a minute." Vanoss sat back into his seat, finishing the rest of his meal.

"Yeah. I was just too hungry. And too thirsty."

Vanoss broke into laughter. "There's the Delirious I know and love."

Del giggled. "Oh, shuch up."

Vanoss smiled a goofy shy smile. "Well, Jon, there was actually something I wanted to ask you."

"What was it?" He asked curiously, eyeing the lips in front of him.

"Well, you're probably my closest friend and like, uh, after seeing you in person I wanna just ask you..."

Evan's gaze was so intense Delirious thought he was going to explode. "What? Tell me." He smiled at him, maybe the things he imagined weren't that stupid, and maybe Sydney wasn't that amazing. Maybe...

"Like be my, um," Vanoss paused for a moment. "My best man?"

Jonathan blinked at him. His heart dropping right to the concrete, exploding on impact. "I'm... I’m sorry?"

"Um, my best man... At the wedding."

"Are you serious?" Del almost couldn't get the words out of his mouth. Well, that wasn't something he wanted to hear. At all. In the slightest bit.

"Um, yeah, you're my best friend. Of course I want you to be my best man."

"I... I..." He was hypnotised by the deep brown eyes that were watching him closely. What the fuck was he going to do? Of course he didn't want to be his best man. He didn't want to go to the wedding to watch him slipping away from his life. But if he said no… did he really want to ruin what was left from the relationship they had? "I... yes. Yes." He said, his voice as small as it could possibly be.

Vanoss smiled widely. "I wouldn't want anyone else to be my best man, dude."

"Yeah... I'm happy I can do this for you, Evan." He tried to smile too, but he felt the tears he was fighting forming in his eyes. "Sorry, I have to go to..." He mumbled and pointed out in the direction of where the restrooms should be. He got up to his feet, he needed to get away from him, as far as he could.

"Sur-"

He was practically running. He closed the doors behind him, trying to breathe. He was so overreacting, what was wrong with him? He couldn’t believe he was expecting Evan to tell him… what actually? To run away with him? To have his happily ever after? Evan was his friend and nothing more so why was he feeling like someone took his heart out of his chest and squeezed and wringed it, why were there tears in his eyes and no air in his lungs?

"Calm down, you idiot." He whispered to himself, taking a deep breath.

It was okay. He was gonna be okay. Ohm would go with him and distract him and all the guys would be there. And who knows, maybe this... crush or whatever it was would be long gone by the time of the wedding _. 'Yeah. Exactly. That's just my motherfucking brain that doesn't get the things the way they really are. I'm not in love with anyone. I don't wanna be with anyone. Because I don’t need anyone.'_ He turned the water on and rinsed his face with it. Yeah. It was totally okay. He dried himself and tried to breathe deep for a while before opening the door and going back to the table. Totally okay.

"You alright, Jon?"

"Yeah, why wouldn't I? I just had to pee." Delirious smiled at him, still fighting with his mind whether he should or shouldn't be heartbroken.

Vanoss was still eyeing him, not convinced at all. "I wanted to ask you something else. My Bachelor’s party's in a few days, wanna come?"

He was still totally okay, because that's what he was expert at, playing it all cool until he fooled everyone around; including himself. "Ummm, yeah. Depends if I'm still in LA. When you throwing it?"

"In three days."

"Guys gonna be there?"

"Of course," Evan smiled, finishing his plate off, finally.

"Yeah... I, I'll think about it. And I'll let you know." He watched Evan smile and imagined what it would be like; being at a party with the friends he'd never spent a moment with in real life. Probably amazing, he wasn't shy or asocial like everyone expected him to be; he just liked his privacy and decided years ago to protect it. But it still wasn't easy taking the mask off.

"Well, text me when you've decided, I’d be happy to have you around." Evan said with hope in his eyes and called a waiter over, paying for the dinner.

"Thanks, man. Next meal's on me."

Because of course there would be a next meal. And he was okay with it.

"Of course it's on you." Evan chuckled while getting up. “And I’m gonna have the most expensive meal on the list.”

 

They left the restaurant together, stopping at the edge of the path.

"I hope I'll see you at the party. I'm sure everyone else would love to see you too." Evan stuck his hands into his pockets, looking like a fucking model. Del couldn’t tear his eyes off of him.

"Yeah, man. Like I said... I'll call you. Or text you. Or maybe not, maybe I'll make it a surprise."

"That would be so you..."

They smiled at each other both knowing it was time to say goodbye.

"It was nice to see you, Jon." Evan pulled him into a hug and Del let out a relieved breath when Vanoss’ strong arms wrapped around his body.

"Nice to see you too, Evan."

And with that, Evan waved him goodbye and walked away, leaving him there. Standing on the street of the city that was so strange to him.

Del luckily managed to get a taxi in almost no time. He didn't know what it was he felt when he got on. He was confused and relieved at the same time. He was lucky to have Evan as his friend but also mad they couldn't be more; he didn't know if he was ready to be there at the wedding, listening to Evan and Sydney making their promises, seeing them be happy together.


	3. Chapter 3

Ohm sat in the light dusk breeze. The balcony at the hotel was calming as he looked down onto the busy street below. He was thinking, thinking about what Del was thinking. Was he happy? Sad? Maybe even scared? Ohm shivered. He wondered about what he and Vanoss were doing. Were they laughing with one another? Enjoying the company of one another as they did on Skype calls? Ohm had no idea, and he hated it. The unknown was the scariest thing to man. He bet Evan was flirting, hugging and maybe he could be kissing the precious boy, realising he really did love him. And of course, Del would return the favour to his long-time crush. Did Ohm really not have a chance? No, of course he didn't. It was Del he was after and Del would never change his mind about Evan, even with all the kindness Ohm could give. It never worked on anyone else, so why should it work on Del?

Suddenly his thoughts got interrupted by the sound of his phone ringing. 

“Hello?” He picked up without really looking at the screen.

_ “Hey Ry-Ry, how you doing? Alex is dying to see you!”  _ The familiar sound of his sister rang in his head. This was what he needed to get his mind off Delirious. A good night call. 

“Hey Sue, what’s up? Everything okay back at home?”

_ “Yes, very good actually. I was in fact going to ask you if Alex and I could come over to LA and stay with you and your mate for a couple of days - like 2. We’ve got some last minute E3 tickets from my friend. And Alex really wants to see you and so do I, Ry.” _

“Sure, sounds great…” He replied without thinking about it. Ohm bit down on his bottom lip. What would Del think? Would he even like them? What if they found out and told Del he had a crush on him? What then? What had he done!?

_ “Ryan, are you okay? You don’t sound so good… are you having a good time?”  _ Ohm almost cursed under his breath. Of course his sister would know there was something wrong. She always did. 

Ohm sighed down the phone. “Yeah, just tired. It’s been fun.”

_ “Bullshit. Don’t use that excuse on me, Ryan. I know all your tricks.” _

“Fine.” Ohm exclaimed. He was so tired of pretending to be okay. “I like someone, there, I said it and they -“

_ “- they don’t like you... Ryan, this might be the only shot you ever get. You know how quickly a life can be taken. Remember what dad said? No regrets.” _

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, but I don’t wanna ruin what I have with them, sis. Maybe they don’t want me - I mean - I’m pretty certain they don’t want me. Maybe this is just a phase. Hopefully.”

Susan exhaled.  _ “Ryan, you have to do what you must to be happy sometimes, and never let anyone decide that's not what you want, okay? I know what you’re like, always thinking of others. But for once, be selfish. Please?” _

Ohm huffed, before agreeing to the act. 

Susan suddenly changed pace, smirking behind the phone as she took control of her brother.  _ “Who is it? Tell me brother, tell me!” _

Ohm paused for a second, startled by the question. There was no way he was going to tell her it was Delirious. “A girl I met whilst at E3, we’ve been hanging out and things.”

_ “Is she hot?” _

“Sis!”

_ “I’m only kidding you, bro. Anyway, take care, Alex and I better start packing for the 4 hour flight… also she really needs to get to bed too. Don’t you, baby?” _ There was a muffled ‘ _ no’  _ screamed down the other end, causing Ohm to giggle slightly.  _ “Do you wanna say night to uncle?”  _ The phone crackled as she passed it down to Alex. 

“ _ Hello Uncie _ !”

“Hey little one, you doing as mommies sayin’?”

“ _ Yeeesssss, Uncie…” _

“Good, I’ll see you sometime tomorrow then. Remember to pack your snuggle blanket and your story book. It’s going to be a long flight sweet-heart.”

_ “Can you read me a bedtime story?” _

“Not now, hun, but when you get here I will.”

_ “Awwwww, okay… night, night. Love you, Uncie. See you t-tomorrow.” _

“Love you too, baby girl. Sweet dreams to you and mommy. Night!” And with that the phone became muffled again, with the faint sound of Alex trying to figure out how to turn it off. Ohm chuckled to himself, excited about seeing them. It would be a nice distraction away from his love life.

Ohm suddenly heard the door lock go, standing up out of the sun lodger he was perched on outside. Was it Del, or an intruder?

"Hey, Ryan?" Del's voice cracked through the silence of their apartment.

"Hey, Jon?"

"I thought you were gone." He sighed with relief.

"Gone where?" Ohm laughed lightly but then he saw the hurt expression Del was wearing. "Hey, what’s wrong?"

"I don't know... out, somewhere..." Delirious collapsed on the sofa as he ignored the second question, exhausted by the roller coaster of emotions he had been through that day. He looked at Ohm's smile. It was almost like coming home.

"You look like shit." Ohm smirked, coming to sit next to him on the sofa. He began to rub Del's dark hair between his fingers. "Seriously though, what did Evan do to you?"

"Thanks." Del buried himself into the sofa and leaned into Ohm's touch. Ignoring the question once again. Were they always so touchy-feely? Not that he was complaining...

Ohm started to get impatient. "Answer me. What did he do to you?"

“He didn't do nothin’." Del shrugged. What did Evan do to him? Except break his heart into a million pieces, of course. "We were just talking like we normally do. Had some weird meal, some good drink... And then... I somehow became his best man."

"What?!"

Del looked at Ohm's face, confused and shocked, and he felt... nothing at all. He was so done with himself. "Yeah."

"Do... Do you wanna be his best man?" Ohm caught his bottom lip in his teeth, biting lightly. "You can always say no."

"No." He shook his head. "I don't wanna. And I can't say no. I'm his best friend for god's sake. It's not his fault that I fucking feel what I feel."

Ohm hummed in thought, bringing Del's head to lay on his lap. "Is there anything I can do to help, like pop on the TV or something?"

"Kill me." Del said, yawning. He was so split about his feelings. He desperately wanted to be with Evan, even to the point of ruining their relationship but at the same time he wanted to get over his feelings for him and carry on being his friend, even if he was a broken man. He hated it. 

Ohm sighed, sinking his back into the sofa. He twirled Del's hair, brushing his hands against his face slightly. "I couldn't kill you. I'd rather you killed me first. "

"I will. As soon as we go back home. I'll rip your back with my chainsaw." 

“Delirious!" Ohm whined, smiling. Del always went back to video games, and he loved it.

"What?" 

"Don't kill me!" Ohm pretended to cry, rubbing his hair into Del's face. Ohm gripped Del’s hand, holding it as he tried to clamp down the younger boy.

Del had Ohm’s hair everywhere, it was tickling his nose and mouth. He was about to sneeze because of it and he almost did, but managed to break out of Ohm’s grasp, pushing away Ohm’s head from his face at the last minute.

Ohm was looking down at him now, their faces close. Whoops, there goes his heart. It started to beat fast as he watched the younger boy staring up at him with his hand against his forehead, keeping the hair away. The warmth on his head was pleasant and the feeling of Del laying on him was soothing. "Because it’s mean! You won’t wanna kill ya little Ohmie now, would you?!"

"Well, you never know." Del whispered, his voice rough and a devilish smile playing on his lips.

Ohm's eyes trailed towards them. He wanted to kiss them but stopped himself. Del could do better than him, way better. He was hot, handsome and his voice was like honey dripping from his ears. Ohm was just... Normal. Normal, and not in a good way. Maybe people really said that because he was ugly? Maybe... Ohm stopped himself. This wasn’t what his sister had told him before.

_ 'Do what you must to be happy sometimes and never let anyone decide that's not what you want.' _

"Oh!" Ohm almost yelled, jerking back. "My sister’s coming over... did I tell you?"

"Your sister? You have a sister?"

"Um- yeah... I have a twin sister..."

Del frowned. "Why don't I know anything about you? I didn't know your full name, I didn't know you had a twin. How am I supposed to be a good friend to you when you don't tell me this stuff?" 

Ohm just shrugged, not saying anything, so Del went on. 

"Is she hot?" Del smiled, the dimples on his cheeks appearing once again.

Ohm laughed, Del reminding him of his sister earlier on that evening. "Not as hot as me." Ohm looked down at the floor, Del still laying on his lap. "Nobody’s ever really asked."

"Okay then. I'll ask now, let’s have a talk. I think I need a ‘ _ how-to-make-friends’ _ book. Is there anything else I should know? Like you having a wife and three kids?"

Ohm sat there, his brows furrowed. "I have a dog, does that count?"

Del burst out into a fit of laughter, Ohm joining him a second after. He didn't know why he had laughed so much, it was probably him just relieving all of the bad emotions. They were wheezing together, almost crying. 

After they calmed a bit, Del gave Ohm a serious look. "So... no wife?" 

“Nah, nah, nahh. I have a niece though. She's the cutest thing ever." Ohm smiled, wiping a tear from his eye. "How about you?"

“Now we're getting somewhere." Del said after catching his breath again. "And me? Brother? No. Sister? Yes. Our parents are terrified of the thought that we would never give them any grandchildren because she's as gay as me. She came out after breaking up with Luke and I’ve never told them. But I think they know… or suspect. I mean... I'm 29 and I’ve never brought a girl home with me."

Ohm looked down at him. His head swimming a little. He was scared? "Why don't you wanna tell them?"

Del looked at him, taking a deep breath. "I haven't told anyone."

Ohm's heart lit up. And by nobody he meant he had told only him. "Well, I'll tell you something about me that nobody else knows to make you feel better about it." 

“Okay.” Del smiled, he loved how accepting Ohm was. 

"When I was younger, I really admired my sister. I was kind of the quiet twin so I always used to follow her around. Sometimes I pretended I was a girl with her and put on her dresses and makeup." Ohm giggled to himself, remembering the old times. "This happened for ages, I only stopped doing it as I learnt what I was 'meant' to be like as a  _ male _ , around the age of 10. However, in some aspects I am still following in my sister’s footsteps, Like my sister, I used to bring a lot of boys and girls home with me when I was like... 16 I think. Now, it's not so many I guess because... I don't know. I guess I have just got bored of one night stands. So, yeah." Ohm laughed at the thought of him when he was young and stupid, wishing he could go back and do it all again. Being young was so fun, he missed it.

Del was just staring at him, chuckling to himself while imagining the cute little 10 year old Ohmwrecker in a girl's dress with a lipstick on. "I think I really like this  _ ‘getting to know each other’  _ thing. What were we doing all the time we've talked? I really must be a shitty friend."

_ Talking about Evan, _ Ohm thought, but didn't say it. He was meant to be getting Del's mind off of him. He shrugged. "You're not a shitty friend." He smiled, playing with Del's hair. "We have just been busy all the time. That's all." He wanted to say this was the most he had ever told anyone else, even the fact he had a sister. But, again, he didn't.

"I promise I'll try to be a better friend to you from now."

"Same goes to you too." Ohm didn't want to be just friends, but he wasn't going to break what they had just because of some selfish need.

Del smiled at him and sat up all of sudden. "Yeah, starting now. Get your laptop out, we have to play something. I'm already having withdrawals."

And so they played well into the night. At around 2 am Ohm's eyes became heavy and he laid his head onto Del's shoulder to support himself. It was a lot comfier than he thought and his eyes fluttered shut with Del hugging into him, falling into his own dreams only a moment later.

\---

The sun was already high in the sky when Del wiggled on the couch trying to find a better position; his fucking neck was killing him. He wasn’t fully awake yet so he just leaned more on the warm… something lying next to and partially underneath him and drifted off again.

\---

“Uhhh, Jonathan.” Ohm mumbled, his voice covered in sleep. The sun was stabbing at his eyes and there was a heaviness pushing him down, he later found it to be Del. He had no idea how that had happened.

Did they really fall asleep on the couch? Tangled with one another? They couldn’t have been more gay, even if they’d tried. 

Ohm shuffled, trying to wiggle out of Del’s grasp. However,  Del just smacked his lips and continued to ignore him, pinning him down harder. 

“Wake up, you lazy piece of shit. I can’t breathe! You’re soooo heavy!” He whined, moving a bit more; this time with the goal of falling off. Ohm felt like he had broken every god damn bone in his body and promised to himself he would never sleep on a couch, never ever again. Finally he hit the floor, looking up to see Del smiling to himself in his sleep. Incredible. He really was a heavy sleeper. 

Ohm just shook his head and begun his usual morning routine. Getting to his feet he fixed himself a coffee, had breakfast, brushed his teeth, read some news on his phone… all the while Delirious was still sound asleep on their hotel couch. 

It was almost lunch time when his sister finally texted him that her and Alex had already landed at LA Airport. He sent her back the address of where they were staying and stood up to wake up his Sleeping Beauty. 

“Hey, wake up, it’s almost noon.” He said, placing his palm on Del’s shoulder and shaking it. He went on for a while before Del growled quietly  “fuck you”. 

“My sister and her daughter are gonna be here in half an hour. You better get up and get ready to go out, Jonathan.” 

Del groaned, turning his head away from the light. 

“Or we can go without you and you can sleep the last day of E3 away, if you wanna.” 

There was a moment of silence before Delirious sighed. 

“I just wanna die. I can’t move my body. It hurts too much.” He mumbled, sounding like he was about to start crying.

Ohm laughed.

“Well, I’ve got a tip for you. Don’t fall asleep on me on a hotel sofa.” 

“I didn’t fall asleep on yoooou-” 

“You did, it hurt me more, trust me. So now, get your lazy ass up.” 

\---

There was a knock on the door. Ohm wasn't sure whether to feel scared or excited to see his sister. Mostly he was scared what Del would think of them. He didn't know why... He opened the door to find nobody there and an eerie silence fell over him. Suddenly he felt something reach for him, grabbing onto his arm harshly. 

Ohm jumped, whimpering a bit, before turning to find a young girl next to him. Her hair was a chestnut colour and her eyes a icy hazel. She was about the same height  he was. Next to her was a smaller girl with light blonde hair and hazel eyes. Her face spotted with freckles and her cheeks a deep flushed pink as she laughed. "We got you, we got you!" She cried with laughter as did the older woman. It was his sister and niece. Susan and Alex. 

"I hate you!" Ohm joked, embracing them into a hug, his heart still racing. 

"We know." Susan grinned.

"So how are you, are you having some domestic bliss?" Susan peeked into the apartment and made her way through the door only just a second later to find an empty room. "Where is he? I wanna see your friend!" 

Ohm scoffed. 

Alex, following her mother’s footsteps, rushed into the room like a tornado and immediately climbed to the bed to start jumping. 

"Mommyyy, why don't we have a bed like this tooo?"

Ohm laughed with the sudden loudness in his life. It had been a peaceful holiday until they had shown up. He had forgotten how loud they both were. Not that he minded. "Oh, honey, mind you don't fall off! And Jon's in the bathroom? Jonathan? Are you in the bathroom?"

"How can you not know where I am?" Del called from the bathroom. "I'll be there in a minute." 

With that, Susan sharpened her ears and looked curiously to the bathroom doors, frowning.

"Hmmm, maybe not a domestic bliss then? He sounds a bit pissed off."

Ohm laughed almost nervously, "Sleep deprived. He's not very good at waking up in the mornings."

"So he's like me! Nice, I think I like him already." 

She took their cases and started unpacking their things, Ohm followed her to help her with it. Half way in the process she lifted her head up and took a look around the apartment once again. 

"Wait, Ry. Where are we gonna sleep?"

"Umm - The bed? That's where most people tend to sleep."

Suddenly, the bathroom door opened. 

"Yeah, that is. So tell me, why did we sleep on couch last night?" Del said with a painful expression playing on his face as he stretched his back. 

"Hiiii!" Alex squeaked before any of them had time to say something. She jumped off the bed and ran to Jonathan. "Are you my second uncie? My mom told me you are! What's your name? Do you love Ry-Ry? Are you gonna marry him?" 

Del laughed. He looked over to Ohm and Susan who wore mortified expressions, which made him laugh even more. 

"Hello, little princess. I'm Jonathan and I'm Ry's friend. You're Alex, right?"

She nodded, her thick blonde hair flying everywhere. "You look cool. Ry-ry's not cool, how are you two friends?"

"Hey!" Ohm mumbled, "See what I have to put up with!?"

Del grinned at him and continued talking to Alex. 

"We are friends like um, Donkey and Shrek are... Why don't you introduce me to your mommy?"

"Well, dis is mama." Alex pointed towards the woman next to Ohm who looked extremely similar to him. She had the same dark hair and lean body shape. Their faces too easily mixed up. Apart from her make up, they looked identical. The only difference was the freckles placed upon their faces. "She's ma mama."

"Hello Alex's mama, I'm Jon." He smiled at Susan. Alex took him by his hand and dragged him towards the siblings. 

Susan frowned at her daughter. "Alex, you don't throw yourself at people like that." 

"But maaaa, it's uncie!" 

She just sighed and looked up at Del. "Hey, Jon. I'm Susan, Ry's sister, but that's probably no big news for you." She threw herself at him, like Alex had done a moment ago, and pulled him into an embrace. 

Ohm just stood there, watching them. 

"What horrible things did he tell you about me?" She continued after they pulled away. 

Ohm rolled his eyes and sat down on the bed, with Alex immediately jumping onto his lap. 

"That you're the most amazing sister I could  _ ever _ have."

"Yeah, right, you big dirty liar." She chuckled, gliding over to sit down with her family leaving Del standing in the middle of the room. Ohm seemed happy around Del, very happy. Happier than she had seen him in a while.

She stared towards Ohm who sat next to her, watching him bob her daughter on his knee. He was looking towards Del with soft eyes and a huge grin. He really was happy.

\---

They got on with the day as they finished unpacking Susan's and Alex's things, Ohm and Del both still hurting from their stupid idea of falling asleep on couch. 

Susan was watching them: how close they got to one another; they were basically touching each other all the time, and she saw the way Ryan looked at him, their gazes kept drifting towards each other. 

She wasn't having the story he had told her yesterday anymore. 

Jonathan was that girl. She was hundred percent sure. 

Now she just had to wait for the right moment to ask him. 

\---

Later they went to a restaurant near their hotel to have lunch, all of their stomachs already hurting from not eating for awhile.

They walked in, taking a look around them. The place seemed nice and clean. The two basic things you wanted when you were about to eat somewhere. 

"Is it as fancy as the one you were in with Evan yesterday?" Ohm asked as they were being lead to a table.

"Mmmm, it depends on what you mean by fancy. This one is definitely friendlier." Del smiled at him. Not sure if Ohm was salty or just curious.

They all sat around a four seater which was slightly squished together. Alex had insisted that she sat next to her 'new uncie' so Ohm sat opposite him, catching glances as Del talked about teddies to the young girl. Both of them giggling. Del was such a child.

They ordered cheeseburgers and pizza, almost drooling while reading the menu. Ohm was talking with Susan while Del was slowly wrapping Alex around his finger, and he felt happy. The happiest he had ever felt in his life, he was with his family, with his best friend, and with a meal that was about to be in his stomach at any moment.

His sister raised an eyebrow at him as he forced his eyes away from Del when the waiter came back, passing down the meals. He raised an eyebrow back, slightly flushed pink, embarrassed he had got caught. She had caught him giving the other male heart eyes.

Ohm knew what Del would say if Susan and Alex weren't with them. It would be that teasing  _ "you're staring at me" _ comment and he would reply to him that he was not. And then they would argue about who's more obvious until they both got tired of it. But instead they focused on the meals resting in front of them, taking huge bites of their burgers and soon it was almost unbearable to move or think because they were so good.

"Come on, gang, let's get cracking, we have the rest of E3 to get to." Susan laughed, looking down at the three 'kids' holding their bellies and groaning.

\---

The convention halls were packed with so much more people than the previous two days. 

"Hey, baby, you wanna sit on my shoulders so you can see everything?" Ryan looked at Alex who was excited from all the stuff going on around them, more worried about her safety than a view he was giving her.

"Yaaaay, can I?" She tugged on his arm. He got down to squat so she could jump and grapple onto his back like a small monkey. 

She screamed in excitement as Ohm shot back up, holding onto his head with everything she had. They headed to the main stage to see Jacksepticeye, Markiplier, Wade and Bob, dancing away as someone judged their dance moves in the audience. As Alex started laughing, so did Ohm. It was weird to think he had played with these people before. All more than once.

He thought how strange it was that he wasn't at one million yet even though he had played with all the big gamers. Did people really not like him? He sighed quietly.

Maybe not that quietly because right after that, Del snuggled against his arm and looked at him with a reassuring smile. 

Why? Why was he like this?

He looked into Del's piercing ocean eyes. They were so beautiful. He may have stared for too long as he could hear his sister cough behind him and smile as he turned to face her. She knew. She knew he liked Del. She always knew.

Del was watching them having their silent talk and Ohm knew he would ask him later what it was about. 

And then... there was Alex. Freaking out about how cool Jack, Mark, Wade and Bob were, how crazy their hair was, how amazing friends they were to each other. And she was right, you could actually feel the friendship pouring out of them. 

Ohm wondered if it was the same to what other people felt when he was playing together with Delirious, Vanoss, Cartoonz and everyone else in their group. Their  _ ‘Banana Bus Squad’ _ as their subscribers tend to call them. At least they thought he belonged to them.

He had to stop thinking, he really did. He didn't want to ruin anything. He didn't want to be sad when his family was over. His only family. They were his everything. But he couldn't stop himself, the feeling of rejection washed over him as he thought of how he wasn't really in the Banana Bus Squad and that maybe nobody actually liked playing with him. He'd always been a trier, he never ever wanted to give up but sometimes it felt like he was trying too hard to be their friend, to have relationships with them all. And at the end of the day, he ended up with what he had before. An acquaintance.

Del leaned over to Ohm a bit more to whisper in his ear that he had to go to the toilets, and disappeared into the crowd. Ohm couldn’t even say anything, Del vanished in a blink of an eye. 

 

Del darted out from the hall that was almost cracking with how many people had fit in there, looking for the bathrooms, because his bladder was calling for his attention. He finally spotted the door he was looking for and sighed when he closed the cabin after him. 

He washed and dried his hands, staring at himself in the mirror, the feeling of being oversocialized was nagging at him for at least the past hour. He wasn’t used to have so many people around him, not that he was asocial or anything, it was just a turn off from his normal life. 

 

His phone vibrated in his pocket and his heart leaped from his chest when he read the screen telling him it was Evan who called. Okay, so maybe he could postpone his alone moment for later.

“Hey man,” 

_ “Hey Delirious, are you still at E3?” _ He heard his voice over the cheer in the hall where Evan probably stood. Evan wanted to see him again? 

“Yep, still here. Why?” He asked, trying to keep his voice down and totally not as excited as he was inside. 

_ “I was just wondering… we’re having a panel with Tyler and Craig later, maybe you could come over… and say hi?”  _

Del paused for a bit. “Um, I don’t know, dude. Maybe I could come watch you and ask you some annoying questions. But I don’t want people see me with you…” He knew it had come out wrong  but… he really didn’t want anyone to see them together.

Now it was Evan’s turn to be quiet, all Jonathan heard was a simple  _ “okay,” _ .

Jonathan decided to change the subject. “Thanks for the dinner yesterday, it was great.” 

_ “No problem, man. So… I guess I’ll see you somewhere in the crowd. Enjoy the rest of E3, Delirious.”  _ Evan said, his voice low and… sad?

“No, wait, Evan.” He blurted out, he knew that Evan knew he wouldn’t come. And he wanted to see him, and he was also quite sure that Evan wanted to see him too. 

_ “What?”  _ Evan asked, enthusiasm coming back to his voice.

“Can we meet now?” He asked without thinking about it. Because he totally wiped away everything he said and thought just a seconds ago. 

_ “Didn’t you just tell me…?”  _

“I know, I’m a bitch. Sorry. But I won’t be coming to the panel though.” He saw his cheeks reddening in the mirror.

_ “You are. And I know. I was just about to walk around and get some stuff done with Marcel but I think I can ‘get lost’.” _

Del lit up. “Coffee? Starbucks? I’m dying for some caffeine.” 

_ “Okay, I’ll be there in a minute.” _

And with that Evan ended the phone call and Delirious was basically hyperventilating.

\---

Ohm looked around, annoyed at the fact that Del hadn’t come back for almost 30 minutes. Susan had began to notice the fear build in Ohm’s face as he frequently looked over his own shoulder to try and spot Del.  She tapped him lightly, Alex still fixated by the men onstage. “He’s probably just lost Ry-Ry. He’s a big boy, he can find his way around.” Ohm didn't respond though and instead continued to keep an eye out. 

He finally spotted him with someone in Starbucks. Was that… Evan? Ohm could feel a lump forming in his throat. He felt like ripping his eyes out. Del had left him once again for Evan. Even after he had broken his heart and Ohm had fixed it. 

Ohm felt like stomping on over to them, almost forgetting that Alex was on his shoulders still. He didn't though. He was being a baby about it. Del was a fully grown independant man who could do whatever he wanted. And if that meant leaving Ohm, then so be it. 

Susan focused on her brothers strained face. He looked annoyed, as though he was about to blow up internally. Of course, as normal, he tried not to show the pain that had washed over him but Susan was his twin, she knew every little trick in his book. She tapped him again, causing him to turn slightly. “Is Alex getting too heavy? I can take her-”

“No.” Ohm replied, a little too forcefully. She could see him try to soften his face, reminding her of their father. The way he tried to act kindly, even in an annoyed state of mind. Susan shrugged it off, looking towards Ohm’s line of sight, catching a glimpse of Del’s dark hair and tattooed arm. So that was what the salt was about. Del speaking to someone else. 

Susan scoffed quietly, the realisation washing over her. She knew it, she was right. Del  _ was  _ the  _ ‘girl’ _ Ohm was talking about. Now she realised why Ohm was afraid, there was someone else in the mix. Not just himself and Del. 

She went on her tiptoes, trying to see over the sea of people. The other man had dark hair and a hunky figure. Asian by the looks of things. Del was laughing, hard, as they continued drinking out from the sight of most people. He looked so happy. Now she knew why Ohm had said he was certain that they didn't like him, because of that other guy. 

“Who’s that?”

“Evan.” Ohm said without thinking first. He had blown his cover. It was all out in the open now. He could hear his sister grumble beside him, not sure what she was saying. He could feel her eyes on him, piercing his face which he tried to keep as emotionless as possible. 

“Oh, Ryan.” She mumbled just loud enough for him to hear. “Why is it always you.” Ohm felt his chest tighten as the words were muttered quietly. Why was it always him? Was he just not good enough for anyone? What was he going to say when Del came back? He’d probably just play it off like he always did, pretending the pain would go away if he ignored it. 

He felt the warm grasp of his sister's hand on his, squeezing slightly. 

\---

It was another 20 minutes later when Del got off his chair and paced back to the hall where Ohm, Susan and Alex were. He didn't know what he would tell them about why was he away for so long. He didn't want to tell Ohm he was with Evan, he saw the anger in his eyes every time he mentioned his name and he had no idea what it was about. He should probably ask him. Or not.

"Hey, sorry I took so long."

Ohm didn't look at him, instead Alex span her head around, smiling. "Did you have to take a poop?!" She sung a little too loudly. Susan laughed at her daughter as she danced on top of Ohm's back, however, Ohm seemed distracted, looking harshly down at the floor.

People around them started giving them weird looks and Del smiled at them awkwardly. But it took him everything he had not to start laughing out loud. He loved the little one, it was almost like being a real uncle. 

"I just needed some fresh air." He said in a quiet voice.

Ohm wanted to explode right there, wanted to call him a liar. A big fat dirty liar. But he couldn't. He couldn't bring himself to say it. Instead he looked towards the coffee shop and sighed heavily.

Del looked like he wanted to say something more but he didn't. He just smiled at Alex and Susan and stood next to Ohm like he did before. But this time there were no shoulders brushing against each other, this time it felt like there was a chasm between them.

\---

They headed back as E3 came to a close for the year, catching a taxi back to the hotel. Rain started to fall heavily as they jumped out just outside their hotel causing them all to rush into the lobby, soaked through. They rushed through into the elevator, Susan sending Alex to have a bath right the moment they entered their apartment.

Ohm sat onto the sofa, covered in Susan and Alex's things. He really didn't want to sleep with Del on the sofa tonight. Maybe he could sleep in the bathtub? His brain became raked up with thoughts causing a huge headache to form. He looked over towards Del, frowning at him as he planted himself onto one of the kitchen counters, necking back some fizzy pop. "You've already had a drink today. Leave some for us." Ohm growled a little too harshly. Any other time it would of been a joke.

Del just raised an eyebrow at him and put the bottle back on the counter. "I can go buy some more if you wanna."

Ohm didn't say anything, looking towards the TV. What the hell was he saying? "Nah, it's fine, you've already spent your money on a drink today anyway."

Del frowned and got his laptop out onto the table to get himself lost within it. 

They ordered some takeaway chinese for dinner, after the issue of using one bathroom between 4 people, to solve the next issue of that evening; food.

"So." Susan said, when she finished her meal, her mother mode peeking out. "How exactly are we gonna sleep? We have one bed and one couch."

"You and Alex can have the bed." Ohm mumbled, feeling slightly better with food. "Del can take the couch and I'll -" Ohm paused, looking around the apartment to find somewhere to sleep. He could no longer sleep in the tub as they had found the shower head to drip, so that was a no go. "- the floor."

"What? No. No way." Susan frowned at him and then at Del. 

"I think it's actually a sofa - bed. We can unfold it." Del said, but he regretted it right away because now there were two people frowning at him at once. He looked at them, confused. "What? What did I do?" He continued in self defense.

Ohm scoffed, accepting the fact he'd have to sleep with Del, causing his heart to waver. He sighed, trying to calm himself. "Okay. I'll sleep with you on it." He spat.

Susan rolled her eyes and got up to get her and Alex ready to go to bed. 

"Hmmm, we're so stupid." Del mumbled while putting the cushions away from the couch. "We could've done it yesterday before falling asleep." 

"Or got to the bed, you smart-ass." Susan remarked in a low voice without looking up.

Ohm still sat in the kitchen, his plate half full. He really wasn't hungry, in fact, he felt like he was going to throw up. His day had been a roller-coaster of emotions which had pulled and twisted his stomach. He pushed his dish away, face planting the table it was on.

Del just gave him a weird look and continued unfolding the sofa, finding out there were even extra blankets and pillows in it. 

The girls were already buried under the duvet when Del was finished with their improvised bed. They just mumbled their good nights and must've fallen asleep only seconds later, taking into consideration they had taken a 4 hour flight and spent the whole day walking around.

Ohm walked silently over to the girls, kissing both of them on the forehead and tucking their covers closer to them. He watched over them for a little bit, glad they had come out too see him. He tucked a piece of Alex's light hair behind her ear before exhaling heavily, forming a worried expression, forgetting Del was there.

"You really love them." Del said quietly, looking at him.

Ohm's head darted towards him quickly, spooked by the sudden lack of privacy. He sighed. "They're the only things I have too love. I love them more than I love myself."

"I wish I had someone like that too." Del smiled at him sadly. “I haven't felt this happy in years, just being with y..." 

Ohm didn’t reply and they didn’t talk anymore.   
  
They changed into their PJ’s and turned the lights off before laying on the couch next to each other once again.

Ohm didn't know how to put it into words, he didn't know how to shout and scream at people. He was the quiet one, the one who didn't say anything to offend anyone. "Jon." He whispered into the darkness.

"Yeah?" Del answered and turned to his left side to be able to see him.

"Why the fuck did you lie to me?" Ohm was facing away from him. The darkness falling like snow in his vision.

"What do you mean?"

"You know damn straight what I mean.  _ 'Oh, I just went out to get some fresh air'. _ Fuck you."

"I went. I just met Evan..."

"You just met him  _ my ass _ . He was meant to be doing a panel on the freaking time table." Ohm exhaled loudly, trying to calm himself down, but he couldn't. He shuffled away from Del, to the edge of the bed. "And, and, and even if he'd got off early or whatever why the fuck didn't you just tell m-us."

"I'm sorry, Ryan... I just. I don't know. I didn't want to..." Del exhaled. Was he really gonna say it? Was he telling him that he saw how much he didn't like Evan?

"What? You didn't want to what? Tell me?"

"I know you don't like him."

"What?" Ohm paused for a second, biting his fingernails. "I do."

"Yeah, of course. And that's why you react that way." Del moved closer to him, laying his hand on his arm.

Ohm stayed quiet, letting Del touch him. Why didn't he like Evan? "What way?"

"You'd be screaming at me if Sue and Alex weren't asleep." He tugged at his arm to roll him over. "I shouldn't have lied to you, I'm sorry. I just went to the toilet and he called me and I'm a fucking weak ass bitch and had a coffee with him. I didn't want to lie to you."

"I suppose that's what you do when you have a crush on someone, go all out for them and not care about anyone else." Ohm turned with the tugging hand. He could only make out the outline of Del as he had taken his contacts out and visual snow moved the darkness.

"Yeah... I guess." Del was watching him, the room was dark but there was still some light from streets and he could see his eyes, he saw how hurt they were and out of nowhere... he had to fight the sudden urge to… comfort him, to kiss him, to make the pain he clearly felt go away.

“I'm sorry, Ryan." He whispered.

Ohm didn't know how to shout at him anymore. He looked towards his blurred face, remembering the freckles of details he had contained in his memory. The piercing blue eyes still visible within the darkness. "It's okay... I'm just tired."

"Go to sleep then." Del let his palm slip down Ohm’s arm, over his elbow and wrist and rested on his fingers. That's what friends did when the other one needed to be comforted. Not kiss them.

Ohm hummed into his pillow, taking in the light touch on his fingers. He closed his eyes and shuffled closer to Del. "I'm sorry." He whispered, low and raspy.

"No. I am." Del mumbled quietly, closing his eyes too. "Good night, Ryan."

Ohm didn't say anything, but moved closer again to Del, just craving the contact. He didn't want anyone else to touch him, to be near him.

Del's hand slipped once more, now to his side and Ohm moved his leg, brushing it against Del's own. Del was trying to hold in his breath as he absorbed all the touches. What the hell was this? What were they doing? What...?

Ohm went on… he wrapped his leg and foot around Del's own and rubbed his feet against Del's. He just wanted comfort. He just wanted someone to hold him and tell him he was going to be alright. That seemed to always be his role and not the other way around. He never got reassurance or comforting so he just wanted this moment. He just needed the contact else the thoughts would come back and hurt him. He hated that he couldn't be strong like everyone else.

Del couldn’t take it anymore. He cracked his eyes open again to find Ohm staring at him. He swallowed, feeling his heart beating in his chest so hard that the whole LA must've heard it. His fucking hand had a mind of its own... touching Ohm's back, bringing him closer to him. Their noses brushed and he felt so ridiculous, he felt the déja vu of his first kiss that happened so many years ago. 

Ohm let out a deep breath and Del just... lost it. He brushed his lips over the corner of Ohm’s mouth, finding it totally not enough. He brushed against him again, deepening the kiss. Ohm stunned with confusion. Del pulled away biting on his own lip and opened his eyes, he had no idea when he had  close them. Ohm's eyes were still staring at him, but the pain that was in them before was gone, they were wide with surprise. 

He wanted to say something so bad but then... it would become too real. So instead he broke the distance between them once again, this time more... confidently. Ohm's arms snaked around his body and they crashed together in a desperate need like they would fall apart if they stopped.

Ohm rolled Del over to lay on top of him, this desperation getting the better of him. He didn't want to let go of his lips, biting down onto Del's bottom lip harshly, causing bubbles of blood to form. This was it. This was what he had always wanted... or was it?

He started to let his hands run down Del’s sculpted body. He wanted to feel something. He wanted something to fill his lonely heart. All the nights he had spent alone, crying, wishing someone would hold him. 

Del quietly moaned to his mouth, his heart racing as the hands glided further down. What was this, what the fuck was this? And why did he love this so much? He didn't want to stop... but Ohm's sister and niece were literally just a few footsteps next to them and he knew he couldn't stay quiet. He pulled away, blinking to the darkness, his mouth swollen.

Ohm breathed hard against his lips and propped his head down onto Del’s collarbone, not caring what would happen tomorrow. He wanted this moment to last forever.

Del's fingers wandered to his hair and tangled into them, slowly caressing them. Their breathing calmed after a while and Ohm slid down off his body eventually but he kept pressed to his side; unable to let him go. He threw the duvet over them, suddenly exhausted, he didn't have energy to think of what had just happened. 

Ohm snuggled into Del. Maybe it was worth stating his opinion all the time of this is where it got him.  He had no idea what had happened and he didn't care, he just wanted to lie there forever.


	4. Chapter 4

Ohm awoke to find blurred darkness. The only light was the sun peeking through the curtains. He opened his eyes to see Del’s face above his own. Sighing slightly, he snuggled into the warmer male before jolting back harshly, what the hell was he doing? His mind suddenly began to race as he remembered the touching and the kissing and the… Ohm began to freak out. What was Del going to say when he woke up? How would he react? Would he hate him? Ohm slowly moved away from Del to the edge of the bed. 

If there was no evidence of it, he couldn’t prove anything. 

 

When Delirious woke up there was no one to be seen. The bed where Susan and Alex slept was empty and he was lying on the sofa on his own… and he was actually glad he was alone. 

He sat up slowly, rubbing his eyes with the memories of the last night drifting around his mind. He was terrified of himself, of what he did, of what  _ they  _ did, because he had no idea about what was going on. 

He turned his head around to find Ohm sitting behind the table, staring at him. It took Ohm a few seconds before he took his eyes off of him and got back to looking at his phone. 

Delirious continued to stare at Ohm though, unable to move. That was… a bit awkward. He had never really experienced awkward moments like this before. Should he say something? Before he could speak his mind, Ohm interrupted his thoughts. 

“Have a good sleep?” 

Delirious flinched with the sound of Ohm’s voice and it took him a while before he realized he should probably answer. “Yeah… I guess.” 

Ohm stared at Del before nodding his head and turning away. Lying to someone was the hardest thing in the world to him and pretending something hadn’t happened was even worse as he was lying to not only Del, but to himself. “Good, that’s good.” He didn’t know what else to say to make the heavy air lift off them. The friction was killing him.  

“Where’s Susan and Alex?” Delirious asked, slowly getting up to his feet and walking over to Ohm, perching himself on the chair opposite.

Ohm shrugged, as he watched Del sit down, unable to get the images of last night out of his head. They were staring at each other, Ohm playing with his phone, desperate to start a conversation. Desperate to talk about something normal to make it feel more like the friendship they once had instead of this mess they had got themselves into. When he opened his mouth to actually say something the apartment door slammed open, and they both turned their heads to see Susan and Alex standing there.

Susan frowned and Alex squeaked, running over  to Ohm to give him a hug and smiling at Delirious. 

“Good morning, Uncie’s. We brought some breakfast for you.” She said when her mum put the groceries on the cupboard with a loud thud. 

“Thanks, little one. Whatcha get us?” Ohm said, rising from his chair to help them unpack. 

“Ummm. Some eggs and bread and mommy’s gonna make some pancakes.” She said with her little angelic voice. 

Ohm smiled, licking his lips as a child would. 

Before Ohm could reply the chair creaked as Del stood up, interrupting his thoughts on breakfast. 

“I’m just gonna go have a shower.” Without looking at any of them, he ran to their bathroom. 

Ohm bit on his lower lip as the door banged shut, Susan giving him a weird look. He just shrugged it off and turned away from her to get a bowl ready for their breakfast. 

This was going to be a long day. 

 

They had ended up on the sandy Santa Monica beach after the boredom of being inside had got the better of them. Delirious was sprawled out on a deckchair with a drink in his hand and the sun above his head. He was watching his best friend play with his niece in the sand, being washed away by the ocean. 

The only things Ohm was wearing were his white swimming shorts and sunglasses, and Delirious couldn’t pray his eyes away from him. He was watching the lean muscles that were forming under his light skin, it was like seeing him for the first time in his life. Which was not so far from true when he thought about it, it was just a few days ago when it actually happened, but it already felt like years. 

He bit on his lip with the flashback of yesterday night. He was fucking  _ fucked _ . He had to close his eyes for a moment because having all his senses alive at one time was too overwhelming for him to function. Today… he had the opportunity to see everything he was denied to see the night before. And combined with what happened it was starting to be a little too much for him. 

What the hell was he thinking when he kissed him? It was like his brain was shut off, like the only thing that was driving him were his impulses and they led him to feel Ohm’s body in a totally different way than he had ever thought of… and it was the most amazing experience in his entire life. 

It left him even more confused than he was before. 

Now he knew what it was like, to feel the weight of Ohm’s strong body on his own, and what his lips tasted like. He wanted more.

So what the hell was going on? 

“You have no idea what you’re doing, do you?” 

He jerked up when Susan came to him from behind, drawing him from his thoughts. She sat on the deckchair next to him, eating ice cream. Her question put him off a bit.

“What?” Delirious managed to get his eyes off of Ohm and looked at her. 

“You know, Jon. My brother is… the kindest person you’ll ever meet. He would do anything for the people he loves. That is us and you right now. He would never do or say anything to hurt us. And that’s probably the only thing we don’t have in common.” She mumbled, watching Ohm and her daughter run up and down the beach playfully. 

Delirious had no idea what she was talking about. 

“Um… Okay?” He said in response and took a gulp of his orange juice. 

“And that means I’m gonna tell you what he can’t.” Her eyebrows furrowed and her eyes shot to him all of sudden. 

It scared him. 

“What you’re talking about, Sue?” He asked, his voice getting small. 

“About yesterday night, you dumbass.” 

Delirious swallowed and looked away, unable to bare the weight of her stare, it was unbelievable how similar she and Ohm looked. Or maybe it wasn’t when you thought about it.

“What…?”  _ do you mean? _ He couldn’t make himself say it out loud. He knew exactly what she was on about… and he felt like a child that got caught eating someone else's chocolate. He cleared his throat and tried it again, this time being successful: “What do you mean?” 

“You know exactly what I mean.” She raised her voice for a bit but then she paused, breathing out. “I heard you.”

Delirious’s cheeks were burning and it was not because of the sun, even though he wished so. His mind was racing, he was thinking of the things she could’ve heard that were not related to yesterday night. But there was nothing else… He had no idea what to say. How does one respond to that? Especially when your head is full of trash and not functioning properly half the time.

“I’m not gonna tell him anything and you’re not gonna either. But I want you to listen to me. If you do this just to make yourself feel better because you’re not able to solve your fucking problems on your own... then don’t. Because I’m gonna hurt you. And Ryan’s gonna hate me for it. And then I’m gonna hurt you even more. And my brother hating me is the last thing we want, is it clear?” 

He swallowed again, shocked by what he had just heard. He didn’t look at her or say anything, not that he didn’t want to but he couldn’t. 

She just stood up and left him alone, walking away to Ohm and Alex. When she reached them, Ohm and Alex turned around to wave at him and he waved back, smiling weakly.

What if Susan was right? What if he was just using his best friend when his crush destroyed his heart without even knowing it? What if… 

It was probably for the best to just forget it had ever happened. He didn’t want to lose Ohm, he was not risking it. So he just shut it, because that was something he was getting quite a good handle on in the past few weeks.

And that was it, he couldn’t let anything like that happen again, never ever. 

 

The evening approached faster than it should’ve and Susan’s and Alex’s trip has come to an end. Ohm was supposed to go with them but he decided to stay in LA and use it to spend more time with Delirious. So he and Delirious went to the airport with girls to say their goodbyes and see you soons while both of the boys couldn’t keep their minds off of what happened.

Their eyes kept shifting to each other and Delirious didn’t like it in the slightest, he knew that Susan saw it and he was afraid she would tell Ohm. 

“So, you’re really not going with us, uncie?” Alex asked when they arrived at the security check, looking up with her big brown eyes to meet Ohm’s that were the same color.

“Not yet, baby. But I’ll be home sooner than you think, I promise.” He smiled at her and brought her into a tight hug. 

“And will you come to see us sometime, uncie J?” She asked, her eyes shifting to Del this time. 

“Of course I will, as soon as possible. And I’m gonna bring you the biggest teddy bear I can find.” He said. Her face lit up with that and she hugged his leg. Del laughed, squatting down to hug her properly. 

Del stood up to find Ohm hugging his sister and he felt his heart tighten. What were these damn reactions? 

“Have a safe flight home.” Ohm said, pulling away from Susan. 

“I’ll call you when we land.” Susan assured him and turned to Delirious. “It was nice to meet you, Jon. I’m glad, Ryan has found himself a good friend after all.” 

Del swallowed when the nervousness found its way through his body. “Nice to meet you too, Sue. I had great time with you and Alex.” He was half expecting her to embrace him too and judging by the stares Ohm was giving them, he expected them to do the same, but neither of them moved. They were just standing there, looking at each other.

Del felt so small. 

“Right, we better go, I don’t wanna miss the flight.” Susan said, taking Alex by her hand. 

“I’ll be home soon.” Ohm said again, shifting his weight from one leg to another. 

“You better.” Susan smiled and waved them goodbye as they started to walk away. Ohm and Del waved back at them until they lost them among the sea of other people at the busy LA airport. 

“You didn’t have to stay here with me.” Del said when they turned to walk back to the exit to catch a taxi to go back to their hotel. 

Ohm shrugged,  saddened a bit by the departure of his family. “I wanted to…”  _ speak to you.  _

“What?” 

Ohm paused, staring at the floor. “I just wanted to, okay?” He exhaled, realising how harsh he sounded. He was disappointed in himself for becoming so wind up. “I just don’t want this to end.”

“Thank you. For being here.” Del said, his voice small. 

 

They caught a taxi back to the hotel, parched from the long departure.

“What’d you wanna eat?” Ohm mumbled, holding the door open to let Del in. He watched him flop onto the bed, dragging his hands down his face. The younger male groaned in response. 

“Something full of sugar and salt. My body is craving that shit.”

“Curry?” Ohm suggested. 

Del moaned in agreement. 

While they waited for the delivery they popped on a movie as Del, if Ohm correctly remembered, enjoyed the hell out of movies; even if he didn’t quite know what was going on. By the time they had settled for Batman vs Superman their curry had arrived.

“Wow, what the fuck is going on?” Ohm snapped as he watched the very beginning of the movie. “How the hell can bat’s lift him?”

“Shut up and watch the damn movie, you hoe.” Del muttered back, trying to become fully immersed in the flashing colours and loud noises. He wasn’t one to pay attention to movies, but he sure as hell loved watching them. 

Ohm huffed, shuffling in his seat as he fought not to say anything annoying to him about the movie; choosing to fill his mouth with his steaming curry instead. 

Suddenly, out of nowhere, a jump scare spooked them causing both Ohm and Del to scream like little girls. They both had held onto each other's various body parts, snaking away when their heart rates had gone back down to normal speed, however, Del’s hand still lingered dangerously close to Ohm’s own causing Ohm to feel rather hypersensitive throughout the rest of the movie as he waited for any daring advancements. 

The movie credits faded and Ohm’s head ached from focusing too hard on Del’s body movements. Luckily, Del was not one to ask questions as Ohm was too distracted to care about the movie itself. 

“You wanna go to bed now?” Del mumbled quietly. Ohm looked over towards him, his face feeling hot and flushed, and his hand twitching for human contact. 

“Yeah. Where do you wanna sleep?”

Del scrunched his nose up and shrugged. “Well neither of us particularly want to sleep on the sofa. And we slept together last night, so what harm is it to-” He suddenly cut off his sentence. His voice becoming little. Del started to think of last night again and his mind started to run off places, like how good Ohm would look without swimming trunks on, underneath him, in bed- “Actually, you know what, you can have the bed tonight. Yeah, only seems fair. You’re always on the sofa.” 

Ohm frowned, his eyes running around Del’s broken expression. Was this to do with what had happened before when they had slept with each other? Did Del regret it? Ohm could feel a pit being dug into his stomach. He probably regretted everything. 

“You sure? I don’t mind sleeping on the sofa.”

“Yes…”

“Okay then... night, Jonathan, try to have a good sleep.” Ohm murmured, climbing into bed with only the dim light of the TV to guide him. 

“You too Ryan.” Del replied a second later into the darkness. “You too.”

 

Surprisingly, Del was the first to awake the next day. He felt fresher than ever before, deciding to make breakfast for both of them, hoping the awkwardness between them might fade away. Even though he had no idea what his feelings were anymore, he didn’t want to lose Ohm as a friend and he was naive enough to think a breakfast would make up for everything. 

He took a quick look at Ohm who looked so calm in his sleep, he was smiling to himself and Del had decided that today was gonna be a good day. 

They played hours and hours of video games after they ate and many more after they had a late lunch, both of them almost forgetting about the actual purpose of them staying in LA for some more days.

 

"Hey, Ohm." Del called from the bathroom.

"Hey, Delirious?"

"Wanna go get wasted?"

Ohm stared at the wall for a second, thinking. He wanted to get a drink and forget about the distracter that was E3, but getting drunk with Del sounded like a bad idea right now. He knew Del wanted him to go to Evan’s bachelor party and maybe he even wanted to come but he was quite afraid of what would happen next. Delirious would probably get upset again and he would be just standing there watching Del getting himself drunk and… god knows what would happen.

"Nah dude, I'm okay, you go ahead."

"Why not? It's gonna be fun. You'll meet all the guys!"

"Um-" That's also why he didn't want to go. He didn't want to see them. Or maybe he just didn't want them to see him. “Nah, I’ll pass. You have fun with them.”

"Really?" Del walked from the bathroom all dressed up and glossy. "I thought you'd come with me."

Ohm stared for far to look. Del looked fucking hot, way hotter than usual. "Yeah, uh, what, um." He literally couldn't speak and he had to jerk his eyes away to look at the floor. Damn, he was going to have to say yes. "I'll come later on, just... not now." What a safe thing to say.

"Hm. You're such a lazy bitch." Del grumbled and sat next to him on the couch, checking his phone.

Ohm didn't say anything, hugging one leg to his chest. "What time are you leaving?"

"In a few." Del looked at him, still not giving up on persuading Ohm to go with him.

"I'm gonna give you the biggest shout-out Youtube's ever seen." Del narrowed his eyes, adding to the intensity. "If you go, of course."

"Look I said I’d go later. I'm - I'm just not feeling it right now." Ohm leant in, almost as though to kiss him, but stopped and smiled; their noses only about a cm away. "Have fun with Evan."

Del didn’t say a word, distracted by the way Ohm’s lips moved as he whispered. Del started drifting unintentionally towards them as he gazed.

However, Ohm pulled away sharply; staring at the floor. That was far too close.

Del fancied Vanoss.

"Okay then. I'll text you the address, so you know where to find us." Del sighed and got to his feet. "Do I have any chance of talking you into going with me now?" Del raised his eyebrow, still not wanting to give it up.

"What do you think?" Ohm crossed his arms, spreading out on the now unoccupied sofa.

"I’m gonna kick your ass."

"Oh?"

“Bye, baby." Del smiled wickedly and turned on his heels, walking away.

_ 'Baby'  _ caught Ohm off-guard as he watched Del walk away. He knew it was just a tactic to get him to come early but it felt so real. He didn't say anything, face flushed as he slipped further down the couch.

The room fell into silence as Del shut the door behind him.

Not even a minute later his phone chimed with a message from Del.  _ "Come sooner than later." _

Ohm threw his phone across to the armchair; nearly missing it. He couldn't be bothered to reply. Why did things have to be so complex? Why did Del have to like Vanoss? Why did they have to make it so complicated? Maybe he could ask Delirious what all of it meant. Maybe. Ohm slipped down even further, the TV playing lightly in the background as he closed his eyes.

Next thing he knew he jerked awake to find out it was midnight. 

"Shit!" He cursed and jumped into the shower to quickly wash his hair and struggled to get his clothes on. He didn’t mean to sleep for so long, it had been 5 damn hours since Del had left and he would most likely be totally plastered by now. He looked at his phone, Del obviously too busy to text him that night. The only text from him were the details of where he was, texted earlier that evening.

Ohm caught a taxi to a massive house and came strolling in, unnoticed by everyone as they were all pretty much smashed off their faces. He walked around for a little bit, spotting Evan completely engaged in talking to, who Ohm thought looked like, Tyler; he wasn't sure though.

"Hey, um, do you know where Jon is?"

Evan span around, frowning. "No, he said he went to get some air... who are you?"

"I'm Ohm, but you probably won’t remember me in the morning."

"Oh, uh, hey. You look pretty normal looking." Evan hiccupped. Tyler had gone off and was now talking to who Ohm assumed was Craig; he literally had no idea though. Ohm shrugged at Evan's comment. Why did everyone call him 'normal looking'? Was he really that dull? "Well, uh, thanks." Evan smiled a goofy smile, swaying slightly. He had had way too much to drink.

Ohm continued his quest to find Del and went out into the garden to see a pool, finding Del sitting near it; looking in. His clothes were wet and his hair dangled in his face, rich blue eyes reflecting the soft water.

"Jon?"

Del jerked away from his thoughts, looking over his shoulder. He let out a relieved sigh when he saw Ohm's figure.

"I thought you could-wouldn't come."

"Of course I’d come." Ohm sat next to him. "Why you all wet? Had a dip in the pool with your clothes on?"

Del growled loudly. "Tyler threw me into the fucking-balls pool. Said it would make-make me better-more sober. The little damn-ass-fucking liar."

Ohm cracked a smile, trying not to laugh. "Really?" Del was obviously drunk. The way he whined and slurred his words, and nearly face planted back into the pool.

"Yeah. He really-not-ain’t-isn't any different than I know him from playing those games we do play." Del placed an arm on Ohm's shoulder. "What took the heck you so long?"

"I thought you'd wanna stay here longer. Like, with Evan."

Del hummed and let his arm, the one resting on Ohm’s shoulder, slide down to his waist. "I don't wanna be his bestie man no more." Jon moved his head. Now letting his chin rest on Ohm’s shoulder, replacing where his arm was resting, and looking up at his face. 

Feeling Del's warm breath tickle his neck made Ohm shiver. His cheeks and neck began to become flushed a rose-red. "What? Why not?"

"Because. I'm still going back and forth, back and forth. A friend, a crush, a friend, a crush. I dunno what I'm for-really doing anymore. And I don't like it one damn-ass bit."

"What do you mean?" Ohm shuffled, getting comfortable on the hard marble poolside. He turned his head to face Del’s, looking down at him. He was starting to feel a bit of hope from what Del was saying. 

Del sighed, catching Ohm’s eye. They had so many colours other than brown in the dim lighting. It also captured his freckled nose and hard jawline. "Who am I kidding, man? Can't believe I ever thought he would ever-never-ever like me."

Ohm put his arm gently around Del, pulling him closer. "Hey, I'm here for you, Buddy. He still likes you."

"No one likes me."

"I like you." Ohm tightened his grip, pulling him harder against him. Delirious was incredibly near. "You have nearly 8 million people that like you."

"I feel like you're the only one." Del’s eyes came to look at Ohm’s neck, and then back to his piercing pale eyes. "Like no one really knows me apart from you, Ohmie."

"Well you don't put yourself out there  _ for  _ people to get to know you."

"I guessssss, but I don’t want people to know me." Del was talking complete shit now. Maybe he should wait for the hope when Del was sober. Delirious let his free hand slip onto Ohm's thigh and his lips graze over his hoodie. 

Ohm was starting to think it would be better to take Del back home because apparently he had no idea what was coming out of his mouth.

"How much have you drunk, young man?"

"You really expect me to do-know that?" Del looked innocently up at Ohm, his mouth parted slightly and his hand rubbing Ohm’s thigh and back, it was distracting.

"You okay, buddy?" Ohm asked, trying to get his mind of the fact Del’s hands were dangerously close to his groin and ass. Everything started to heat up as his face glowed like a tomato. Del was too close. He had to get away.

Del was fixated on Ohm’s Adam’s apple as he spoke softly to him. He shook his head before tilting it sideways, planting a firm kiss on Ohm’s throat and another on his stiff jawline, just under his lips.

"Um-" Ohm paused. Did Del actually just kiss him? He looked away towards the pool. “Why are you not okay?" There was no way Del was doing this to him. He had to distract himself.

Del pulled away from Ohm and stared for a second, watching Ohm try to hide his face by looking away, before leaning back into him. He took hold of Ohm’s chin, turning Ohm’s head to face him, and kissed Ohm right on his pink, puckered lips. Forgetting about the question completely.

Out of surprise and shock Ohm pushed away, falling into the swimming pool.

Del blinked at him, confused. Where the fuck did Ohm just go? One minute he was kissing him and the next he had vanished into thin air. Maybe he was dreaming?

"Ryan!" He called just in case Ohm really was there.

Ohm came back up to the surface, grabbing Del by the waist and pulling him in with him.

Del, surprised by the sudden reappearance, took a mouth full of water, splattering as he resurfaced.

"Are you okay?"

"Stop asking me that damn question." Del coughed.

Ohm swam over to him to make sure he wasn’t hurt, bringing Del’s arms to rest on his shoulders. After Del had stopped choking they floated there, staring at one another. Ohm was nervous, he really was. What was drunk Delirious going to do? He wasn’t sure what he wanted.

“Why can't I ask you?"

Del didn’t answer again as his eyes drifted down towards Ohm’s lips. Slowly, he tightened his grip around Ohm’s neck before their closeness became too much for him and he crashed their lips together once more.

Ohm didn't run away this time and instead pressed against him, pushing Del to the side of the pool. He remembered his sister’s words about how this might have been the only shot he'd ever get with Del… even if he was taking advantage of his drunken state, he couldn’t let it fall from his grip. Not again.

The force of Del's back hitting the edge of the pool made him open his mouth and breathe out hard against Ohm's face. He was shocked by Ohm's reaction and the strength in his arms.

Ohm took this opportunity to slide his tongue in, still ramming fiercely against Del.

The younger male moaned loudly, letting his hands wander all over Ohm's body, stopping at his ass. Ohm's lips were so soft, and his tongue so wet, he couldn't think about anything else.

Ohm hummed as Del gripped his ass. This had been what he had always dreamt of ever since he had come across Delirious.

"Ryan," Del moaned. "I'm so fucking hard and my jeans are fucking tight."

Ohm looked at him, so split between his feelings. He wanted Del so much, he wanted all of him but he had no idea if Del was doing this for the right reasons. He saw the fire in his eyes and it was killing him not to know if it was meant for him. 

“Jon…” He whispered to his ear.

“Yeah?” Del breathed out. 

It was ridiculous, what was he going to ask…  _ Do you want me or Evan? Are you doing this because of him or because of me? _ There was no way he was saying this out loud. 

“What’s going on, Ohmie?” Delirious asked again, pressing himself into Ohm’s heated body. 

“Are you… are you sure about this?” He asked again, with his eyes closed. It was nowhere near to what he wanted to know. 

“I am.” Del slurred. “And I just wanna go home. With you. Please.” 

“Alright.” Ohm exhaled, submitting himself to Del. "Let’s go home." He whispered quietly, brushing against Del's ear. 

He got his phone from the side of the pool where thankfully he had placed it beforehand and called a taxi with Del still latched onto him. 

By the time it took the drunken male to get out the pool, the taxi was there waiting.

"Come."

They slipped into the taxi together, Ohm whispering sweet nothingness into Del's ear as they rode back, both wet and steaming.

"Ohm, where are you taking me?"

Ignoring the question, Ohm’s hand slowly rubbed Del's inner thigh as he sucked and nibbled on Del’s earlobe causing him to whimper highly. The driver gave them a weird look in the rear-view mirror but didn’t say anything, probably having weirder things happen in the back seat of the taxi at 2 in the morning. Ohm then went back to whispering dirty things into his ear. He loved the reaction he got from it. The innocent blinking and shivering. 

Del dug his face into Ohm’s collarbone as his face lit up and his breaths became ragged. Ohm was turning him on, that was for sure. He had never been turned on by someone just speaking dirty before now. The touching was just a bonus. People didn’t lie when they said Ohm had one of the sexiest voices on the internet. 

The taxi stopped and Ohm paid with wet dollars. He steadied Del through the hotel and into their room where Del unrobed himself of wet clothes, with a bit of help, and threw them on the floor not caring about them anymore. He snuggled on top of the sheets with only his briefs on, staring at Ohm who was standing just a foot in front of their bed and whose eyes were locked onto his body. Del teased him slightly by falling onto his back and stroking his bulging groin over his underwear, raising an eyebrow at Ohm as he whimpered quietly.

The older male licked his lips in response, pulling his t-shirt and trousers off. The only thing remaining were his checkered boxers. He climbed on top of Del and breathed heavily onto his lips, causing them to open slightly. He caught the younger man’s lower lip between his teeth, pressing lightly.  

Del moaned into Ohm’s mouth as alcohol took the better of him. 

Impatiently, he let his unoccupied hands glide lightly down Ohm’s bare chest, resting them on his hips and spinning him around; still attached by their lips. Del rocked harshly as he lingered over the older man, their hard bulges touching through the fabric of their pants. Del moaned faintly, moving his mouth to Ohm's neck, playfully grinding the rosy skin with his tongue and teeth.

Ohm dug his nails into Del's back and wrapped his legs around him, biting his lip as he tried to contain a whimper. However, Del thrusted hard against his crotch once again, causing Ohm’s mouth open up hungrily, letting out a low moan. His head was spinning like crazy. He felt as though he was suffocating. And he loved it.

He grabbed Del's ass cheeks and rubbed them about, parting them slightly which made a small whimper escape Del's throat. Delirious sat up and caught the rim of Ohm's underwear searching his eyes for the answer to the unspoken question which he got immediately... and then he grabbed fully onto Ohm’s boxers, pulling them off. The younger male feasted his eyes upon the hard cock that had laid dormant under the thin lining of his pants. Del’s fingers twitched as he brushed against the smooth skin of Ohm's penis that was nearly throbbing.

"You like what you see?" Ohm cackled, his cheeks bright red. 

Del nodded and bit on his own lip, watching his fingers and palm circling around Ohm's shaft; feeling how stiff he really was. He stroked him hard, looking up to find Ohm's face in pain.

"Del," Ohm mumbled, pressing against him. "Be gentle with me."

"Sorry." Del breathed hard and let his fingers loosen the grip. He was so desperate to feel something real that he was forgetting it wasn’t just about him. "I'm sorry, Ryan."

Ohm stopped, pausing his pace. "Don't be sorry."

Del didn't say anything, instead he let go of Ohm's cock and glared at Ohm, the statement burning in his head.

"Fuck me."

"Excuse me?"

Del closed the distance between their lips, unable to stop touching him. "Ohm-wreck me."

Ohm couldn’t help but laugh at the cheesy pun before Del caught his lips with his own. Ohm flipped him, rimming Del's underwear, he travelled to bite and suck on his neck, creating a little purplish bruise.

Del tilted his head back and whimpered.

"Make me hurt all over,  _ baby _ ."

Ohm stopped suddenly, coming to the realisation of what he had said. He pulled away a bit, hurt filling his chest. He was taking advantage of a drunk man who was just trying to fill his broken heart, that's what. 

He looked down at Del. The younger man wouldn't remember this in the morning; the pleasure, the pain. But Ohm would, and it would stay in his mind forever; unable to tell another soul.

"What?" Del looked up at him innocently. He was so turned on and Ohm had stopped at the best part. He wanted him to touch him all over until he was purple.

"I, Jon, look, you’re drunk and... this isn't right." Ohm got up and pulled his underwear over his raging boner. What had he done?

"What?" Del sat up, his head still spinning like hell. "What does it have to do with anything?"

"I'm sorry. I'm really, really sorry. Let's go to bed and if you remember this tomorrow morning then we can talk about this... this thing that's going on, if you don't remember, good for you."

Delirious was staring at him, startled by the words coming out of Ohm’s mouth. "That's bullshit! Oh my god, what is wrong with you?"

"Everything!" Ohm stormed into the bathroom. Why had he done this? Why had he let his stupid crush go so far as to ruin everything? Delirious. Loved. Vanoss. All he could do was hold onto the little slithers of hope that Del actually wanted him, and it had turned bad. Now all he held onto was Del's drunk desire that was directed at Vanoss but instead he had taken the bullet. He was the replacement for Vanoss in Del's broken heart.

There was a long moment of silence before Del got up and tried to open the door. When he found it was locked, he knocked. "Hey, Ryan."

Ohm didn't reply.

“Please. Open the door."

The door creaked open slightly.

Del opened it slowly, finding Ohm sitting on the cold tiles wrapped in a white hotel dressing gown. He looked way more sane than a few minutes ago and Ohm looked at him like he was about to cry.

Del leaned on the door frame. "I'm sorry."

"No, I am."

"I started it."

"But, you're drunk and lonely. I just took advantage of th-" He didn’t finish his sentence as he saw Jonathan’s face changing colours. He knew what was about to happen.

"-I think I'm gonna be sick!" Del mumbled, covering his mouth with his hand.

Ohm quickly changed pace as he suddenly went into parental mode. He placed a hand onto Del's back, guiding him towards the toilet bowl.

Del fell onto his knees and got hold of the toilet, his belly was twisting like crazy. "You don't have to-" Del’s stomach lunged and he threw up the content of his stomach.

Ohm pinned back, with his hand, Del's hair that was flopping down into the seat and rubbing small circles on his back. It was grim, but Ohm needed to stay strong and not be sick himself as he held back the gagging. "It's okay, buddy, let it all out." He was glad for the distraction, however, this was not what he had in mind.

"I'm so fucking sorry, Ohm." Del said weakly. He felt tears running down his cheeks, dripping into the toilet. He then puked again, and again. He didn't even have the energy to feel embarrassed. But he was quite sure there would be all the time for that in the morning.

"Hush now, let me get you some water." Ohm got up, going towards the kitchen to grab a glass of water and a wetted flannel. He placed the flannel on the back of Del's neck. "Here. Drink."

Del sat on the floor and back against Ohm's chest, letting his knees rest, hopefully he wouldn't have to get on them again. He took the water and had a small sip of it. "Thank you."

Ohm didn't reply and instead continued to rub Del's back. "You wanna go to bed?"

Del nodded.

Ohm got up and grabbed Del's arm to help him to get up, leading him towards the bed. "Here, you can have the bed tonight." Ohm mumbled, yawning slightly. "Wake me up if you feel any worse."

Del crashed onto the sheets. He wanted to tell Ohm to go to bed with him but he stopped himself, giving himself a mental slap. Just a half hour ago they were in this bed together almost having sex.

"I'm sorry, oh my god. That's not how I wanted this to go."

Ohm nervously laughed. "You can't help being sick, little man." But Ohm knew what he actually meant. Del didn't want this to go into something romantic; that's what it was. He wanted them to be friends and only friends and this night was a disaster. Maybe he wouldn't even look at him again. Ohm hated himself. He had lost the last and only thing with Del he held onto; friendship. Ohm wanted to cry, he really did. Maybe when Del was asleep he would cry, because he had just broken his own heart by pretending they did have something special.

“Good night Ryan." Del mumbled softly into his pillow.

"Night."


	5. Chapter 5

Ohm heard the light sound of Del snoring from the bed and took that as his queue to weep. Fat tears rolled silently down his cheeks as he accepted complete defeat. Del was his closest friend and to be honest, if Ohm hadn’t fancied him, they wouldn’t have even been friends. He was alone and he always would be, always would be the guy in the background nobody paid any attention too. Ohm let out a small whimper of pain into his pillow. 

Was he really not good enough? He had tried so hard to get where he was, and not just subscriber count wise. Lifewise. Still nobody, except his sister, was really close to him, they were all at an arm lengths from him; even outside of YouTube. He really did try his hardest to be nice to everyone. Sparing people in videogames, letting people have what they want and looking out for everyone. Maybe he was just too nice in a cruel world such as this one.

He didn’t want to be a weak-ass crying bitch like this, but he felt the heartbreak too much this time. He went to E3 with Del to get to know him, to help him with the situation he was in and instead… they’d fucked up and he fell in love with in a way he didn’t expect himself to.

He let a few more tears fall down before collecting himself. He was counting on Del forgetting anything ever happened tonight. It would be his last string of hope, and if that didn’t work he was worried their friendship was over. Maybe it was better that way?  Or maybe Delirious was better off without him? Probably. It had always seemed like he was unneeded by him already, so why even bother trying.

Ohm sat up causing his back to feel as though someone was twisting his spine. The sofa was uncomfortable, so uncomfortable, but he’d do anything for anyone; especially Del. He got up and got changed into a baggy shirt and some shorts, grabbed some change and his key, put on some trainers and walked out the door.

He started to run, feeling the cool early morning breeze on his face. He hadn’t slept a wink, but he didn’t feel tired. Running always helped him block out the depressing thoughts that rode in his brain almost every time he was alone. He hated it. The feeling that nobody needed you.

He kept running for another 2 hours around the outskirts of LA in some park, sometimes straying away from it to go into a housing estate, until 6 am rolled around and some supermarkets started to open. He wandered into one, luckily remembering the change he had picked up before leaving the hotel.

Ohm seemed to be the first customer in, walking towards what he guessed was the ready-meals section. He scanned them, finding 3 different types of pancake mixture however he couldn’t think of which one to pick, his mind too distracted with the thoughts of Del. His deep blue orbs that practically dug deep into Ohm’s mind, his smooth, pale skin that was so easy to tear, and his moans which were varied: a low moan that rumbled his body to the high pitched squeal he made as he desperately tried to grab onto something to support himself as his body uncontrollably shuddered. Ohm was shaking just thinking of it, feeling the blood flutter into his crotch. Would it truly benefit him if Del couldn’t remember? Would he be able to cope with the pressure of the secret? Maybe it wasn’t such a good idea to hold onto it and hope it would happen after all.

...

Del groaned as he started to wake up thanks to his fucking head throbbing and killing him. He opened his eyes to find out there was actual light in the room; he felt like he was about to throw up and was quite afraid to move.

"Ohm," he whined from the bed, waiting, but no response came. Did he really leave him alone in this state? He closed his eyes again, thinking of going back to sleep, but he was so thirsty he might die if he didn't get some water down his throat.

The usual sequence of  _ 'I swear I'll never drink again' _ and  _ 'I wish I was rather dead' _ came up in his head.

What was scaring him more was that he literally didn't remember anything that happened last night. He remembered having beer and vodka and being wet because Tyler threw him into a pool. These were the only bright moments he had among a sea of distorted ones, so it really wasn't much to hold on to. And then there were some blurry parts, like riding home with someone who he presumed was Ohm, and hugging the toilet bowl… his stomach started to twist at the thought.

He somehow scrambled out of the bed, finding his way to the bathroom. His head was spinning like crazy and he wanted to laugh when he saw his reflection in the mirror. He turned the water on, splashing it on his face and scooping up some of it into his hands and bringing it to his mouth. He did it again, and again, it was so good. He washed his face once more, finally seeing some colour coming back to his cheeks, but there was something else that got his attention. He turned his head a bit to have a better look at his neck and his eyes widened when he saw the red mark. Was that a fucking hickey?

And it was not just this one, there was more. His neck, his chest, even his shoulders. What the hell did he do? And who did he do it with?

He suddenly heard the door open and quickly threw a towel over his bites making sure they were hidden.

"Hello?"

"Hey, you up?" The voice replied. He soon realised it was Ohm.

"Unfortunately." He croaked, not really sure if Ohm could hear him.

Ohm peeked into the bathroom not really taking into account that Del could have been naked. "You okay?" He frowned at Del's weirdly placed towel.

Del looked at him. "I... don't know. I'm hungover as fuck."

Ohm laughed slightly, smiling kindly. "I've got us some breakfast, go have a lie down."

"I don't know if I'm able to eat, man." Del mumbled when he sat behind the table. Ohm looked really tired even though he was smiling at him, dancing around him, making him coffee, flipping some pancakes. 

He was almost falling asleep while sitting when he saw Ohm's neck too. He froze dropping his mug and spilling the coffee onto the table. Luckily the mug didn’t break.

Ohm span around hearing the silent cursing and the clank of the fallen mug. "Are you okay?!" He asked, jumping towards him, scared he had burnt himself.

Del was staring at him with his mouth open. "Oh my fucking god."

"What?! Are you hurt?"

“Did we... did I... did you..." He couldn't make himself say it out loud. "Fuck me?"

Ohm stared for a second. "No... I didn’t.” He didn't know what to say. Did he remember what happened? He wasn't sure whether to tell him.

"So why do I have these all over my body?" Del whined, throwing the towel away and pointing at his neck. "And you have them too!"

"We didn't fuck." Ohm mumbled again, looking away.

"Okay." Another logical question was... "Did I fuck Evan?"

Fucking Evan again. "I, I don't think so..."

Del kept looking at his friend who was still turned away from him, rattling with knives and forks. Ohm looked so… tired. Like he was fed up with it all.

"Ok-."

“Look, okay." Ohm span around. He was getting a bit angry that Del would think about Vanoss. Of course he didn't fuck Evan, he was more likely to fuck Evan’s cat than Evan himself. "We made out, that's it. That's all you did last night. And I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I’m not Evan."

What the hell was he talking about? What did he mean by... he was not Evan? Ohm was staring at him with rage in his eyes and Del could see how hurt he really was behind it. "What...?"

Ohm made a weird noise in the back of his throat, sighing and turning away to watch the pancake he was slowly burning. "Don't worry." He hated the fact he had snapped at Del, he had literally done nothing wrong.

"That's the only thing you tell me all the time: ‘ _ Don't worry. I'm okay. I'm just tired. Don't worry.’ _ " 

"What’s wrong with that?"

"I'm not stupid, Ryan. I can see you're not okay."

“Well, you never have before!” Ohm yelled over the sizzling sound of the burning pancake. “For once get your fucking head out of Evan’s asshole and notice me! I do everything for you, and look what it’s got me. I’m ignored once more until you need someone to come crawling back to! Oh Evan did this, Oh Evan did that, isn’t Evan so great? I’m just sorry, I’m sorry I’m not Evan.” Ohm almost charged at Del, slamming the pan and burnt pancake down onto the table in front of him. “Make your own fucking breakfast.” Ohm really had fucked everything up. He had exploded.

He stormed out the apartment knowing Del wouldn’t follow him because he wasn’t worth his time.

Delirious just sat there, staring at the door being shut, feeling like he was going to throw up again. What did he do? What the fuck did he do? And besides that… Ohm was so right about everything he had said. Delirious really was a fucking idiot, he always came to him only when he needed attention because Vanoss broke his heart a bit more and Del needed someone to cry with.

He couldn't even move because of how shocked he was... and how disgusted he was of himself. Just to sum it up to himself... He let Ryan take him here, watch after him while he was all hyped because of meeting Vanoss, listen to him, and Del even didn't know his name or about his sister. He went to the party to get wasted like never before and when Ohm came to save him from dying from alcohol poisoning, they nearly had sex.

And that was the worst part. He didn't exactly know what happened that night. What is the definition of making out with someone? How far did they go?

He touched the bites on his neck, feeling the deep bruises... that wasn't just kissing, that must had been so much more.

Suddenly, he got disturbed by a phone call, but the ringtone wasn't familiar to him. Did Ohm leave his phone in the apartment?

He got up from the chair and followed the sound, finding it buried under the pillows on the sofa.

It was Susan. He was looking at the screen, not sure what to do. His heart sank a bit lower. Susan was gonna kill him. Should he pick up? And... tell her what had happened? Even though he didn't exactly know what had actually happened himself.

But if he didn't pick up, Susan would be worried. And so would she be when he tells her that Ohm ran away.

"Hello?" He said, being uncertain.

_ "Hey, Jon? Is Ry-ry there?" _

"Ryan's just gone out a... just for a minute..."

_ "Without his phone?" _

"Yeah, he left it here." He heard the distrust in her voice.

_ "Right, anyway, I wanted to remind him that he's babysitting Alex for me next week so he better be back home by then. So... when will he get back?" _

Delirious smiled at the mention of little, cute Alex but got back to earth right away. "I... I have no idea. I don't know where he went." He collapsed on the sofa, the reality finally getting to him. His fucking drunk brain was so slow, even slower than normal.

_ "What do you mean you don't know, where is he, Jonathan?" _

"I... He..." What the hell was he gonna tell her? "We had a fight. And he just... disappeared."

_ "A fight? What happened?" _

"Nothing!" Del was on the verge of shouting. He was so dead. "I didn't do anything."

_ "Well you obviously did something! He wouldn't just run off!" _ Her tone became harsh as she spat down the phone. However, she saw Alex out the corner of her eye and stopped. _ "What happened?" _ She asked in a calmer tone.

"I think it's him who should tell you. Because I don't know. I don't remember single thing... But..." He closed his eyes. Was he actually doing it? Was he really telling her after everything she told him earlier? He wanted to die. Well, that didn’t matter since she was going to kill him anyway. "He told me we might've... made out. Yesterday... night."

He heard her gasping, he could almost see her angered face. _ “You must be  _ fucking  _ kidding me." _

He didn’t say a word, silenced by the image of Susan in his head. She was scaring him, even over the phone. 

_ "I can’t believe you led him on like that. I am so dis-" _

_ "Mommy!" _ Alex interrupted.  _ "Can I speak to Uncie?" _

_ "Mommy’s not on the phone to Ry-ry. It's Jon." _

_ "Can I speak to Uncie two? Pleeeease." _

_ "Not right now, honey." _

Jon somehow managed to smile when he heard Alex's little voice calling from the distance. But Susan's beginnings of raging got him back to earth.

"What do you mean _ ‘led him on’ _ ? I was not the only one in this. He was the one who was sober."

_ "And? That means you have no idea what you did. You could have led him on! I thought I told you we’re the only people in the world to him. He would do anything just to make us happy." _

Del covered his face with his free hand. "I'm so fucking sorry." He mumbled.

_ "You should be! How could you do this to him? Ryan really likes you Jon, you're his best friend for God’s sake!" _

"So is he to me."

He had to talk to him. He had to tell him how sorry he was, how he didn't mean any of this to happen, because he had no idea what was going on and because he never meant to hurt him. He needed to tell him so bad.

“Look Sue, I didn’t and I’d never mean to hurt him. I’m going to fix this, I promise. And if I don't, I give you full permission to beat me so hard into the floor that I end up on the other side of the world. Just, just give me a chance to fix this, to fix me, to fix us. Please, I need him.”

Susan sighed heavily.  _ "Okay, well Jon just... be good to him. He's my only brother and I don't think Alex and I can live a good life without him being happy. And if you screw up again, I will take you up that damn offer of yours, you hear me!” _ Susan chuckled into the phone causing Alex to do the same, she looked down at her daughter. Her small, deep eyes burning a she waited for the phone. Susan signed again, only lightly this time. She had become soft hearted since having a child.  _ “Also… Alex wants to talk to you." _

"Yeah... I can hear her." He didn't know if he was ready to do this, but it didn't matter. He had to.

Susan handed the phone to her and smiled. _ "Hello? Uncie J?" _

"Hello! How is my baby doing?"

_ "I-I am good. I got a new teddy today cuz I know you like teddy bears! I called him Delly! After your you-youtub-tube show!" _

"Oh, you're so sweet, baby. Take a good care of him, so he's not sad." He smiled to the empty apartment. Not sad, like him.

_ "I will! But I have to go now Uncie, bye-bye!" _

"See you, Alex." He said, not really sure if he would ever see her again.

The phone went dead on the other end.

Delirious put the phone down, staring at it with no specific thoughts in his head. He looked to the door, thinking that maybe Ohm would show up if he stared for long enough, but again... it was just his stupid brain. His stomach was growling from hunger but he wasn’t able to eat a single pancake that Ryan had cooked for him. 

Ryan. 

_ Ryan. _

He couldn't think of anything else. Everything he wanted right now was just to hold him and never let him go. He buried himself deeper to the sofa and closed his eyes.

...

The sun was shining high above Ryan’s head as he was sitting in a park that was unknown to him. People were walking around him and his head was about to explode. 

The anger and sadness and tiredness were mixing up within him, making him feel like passing out. He had no idea what to do. He regretted everything he said the exact moment he walked out of the apartment, he couldn’t believe himself anymore, this was not him at all. 

Of course, Delirious was an idiot for almost everything he had done in the past few weeks but this gave him no right to accuse him for the situation they got themselves into. There were two sides of the story, they were both to blame for what had happened at the party.

He desperately wanted to talk to him. He needed to apologize, to make it all okay again, he was not ready to lose him, but he didn’t take his phone with him and he had no idea where he was. 

A phone booth standing just a few meters away caught his eye. He chuckled to himself, he was fucking stupid. But at least he still had some change in his pocket. 

He inserted all the coins that were left and dialed Jonathan’s phone number, glad he knew it by heart for once. 

_ “Hello?”  _ He heard a voice that didn’t belong to Delirious. 

“Hello? Who… who is this?” Maybe he was wrong about remembering the number.

_ “It’s Evan.”   _

Ohm froze.

“I thought I called Jonathan.” He said, feeling a bit uncertain about what was going on. 

_ “Yeah, this is his phone.”  _

There was an awkward silence over the phone as Ohm tried to get his head around what was going on. It suddenly clicked and he felt a pit form in his stomach. Was Jon with Evan at the moment? Did he come running to Evan like he used to run to him?

_ “Hello?” _ Evan’s voice called again. 

He felt a blade going through his heart with the sound. He felt like he was suffocating, choking on his own words. Unable to speak another word he slammed the phone down in distress.

That was it. The last straw. He was going to pack up and head back home.

 

Del rose from the sofa to the sound of another chime from Ohm’s phone. He grabbed it, kind of uncertain if he should be going through his stuff. It was another call, this time from an unknown number and Del’s heart sank. What if it was Ohm? What would he say to him?

“Hello?”

_ “Hey, is Ohm there?” _ Del heard the smooth silky voice that sounded like Evan. 

“Um, no, it’s me… Jon.” He heard Vanoss exhale harshly on the other end. 

_ “What is with you two and not having your own phones? I have your Goddamn phone here next to me and you have Ohm’s phone. What the hell is going on with you two?” _ He laughed down the line causing Del to shiver and smile a little. 

“I-I don’t know man!” Jon replied, trying to sound as cheery as he could be; but just hearing Ohm’s name made him anxious. “Anyway, why did you want Ohm? I can give the message on.”

_ “Oh nothing, he rang your phone from an unknown number and then just randomly hung up. I think maybe he ran out of money on the machine or something… But, he sounded kinda… I’m not sure. I just wanted to see if he was okay.” _ Del paused momentarily. His stomach began to twist violently. No… the cash didn’t run out; his temper had.  _ “Hello?” _

“Oh yeah um, yeah, he’s fine. He just… went out.” There was another pause as Vanoss shuffled slightly. 

_ “Oh okay… anyway, I’m coming around to yours now to give you your stupid phone back. Luke keeps fucking ringing you and it’s annoying the hell out of me.  I couldn’t actually get into your phone to ring you, so, you maybe locked out for, like, an hour on it.” _

“You asshole!” Del growled, causing Vanoss to laugh violently. 

_ “Lucky you gave me Ohm’s number.” _ Del couldn’t help but feel a small ping of happiness in his chest. Evan was coming over, and he was fucking excited. His morning had been a bag of shit. 

He couldn’t help but think of Ohm though. His deep browny, green eyes burning into his soul and some expression Del had never seen him wear before. Hate? Anger? Sadness? He wasn’t sure, but it sure as hell scared him. God, he was an idiot. He couldn’t even see that his friend was hurting so bad. But why? Why did he hurt? Because he felt like he had used him? Or because he was jealous of him? Ohm had told him why he hurt but he couldn’t fit it all together in his brain. The way Ohm looked at him when he talked about Evan. The way Ohm looked this morning. The way Ohm looked when they kissed. It confused him. 

“I’ll be over in about twenty minutes.” Evan mumbled into the phone when silence started to overtake the pair. Before Del could say anything else the phone line went dead.

 

There was a knock on the door and Del instantly spang up from his seat. He had put on something better than his dirty underwear from this morning's happenings and had made himself look slightly presentable. It was weird, he still acted like a teenaged girl around the younger man. 

“Hey, dude.”

“Hey.” Del mumbled, letting Evan walk past him. 

“Here’s your phone, you idiot.” Vanoss replied sternly, handing over his phone which notified he had about another 30 minutes before being able to log back on. Del cursed under his breath causing Vanoss to laugh again.

“Yeah, sorry about that.” He said, walking towards the sofa and making himself comfortable. 

“Yeah, yeah, of course you are.” Del plonked his phone on the table and planted himself next to Evan who seemed intrigued by his shirt collar. 

“What?” He asked, raising his eyebrow.

“Did you get really lucky at my party? I bet it was Brock.” Vanoss smirked at him.

“What? What are you talking about?” He panicked slightly, feeling Evan’s eyes peeking at his neck.

“The hickeys.” Vanoss chuckled, gazing at Del’s reaction. “God, yeah, they’re pretty big too-”

“Oh, yeah.” Del mumbled, uneasy. “I guess I did. And no, it wasn't Brock!” 

“Who then, Brian?” Vanoss frowned. Del was praying for him to shut up.

“No! I don’t remember.” He shook his head, his face heating up.

“Well, if you know it wasn’t Brian or Brock, you must know who did it.” Evan grumbled. 

“Well, I remember it being a woman-” He started, uncertain with himself but Evan interrupted his lie.

“It was a bachelor party, you dumb shit, there were no women there!” 

“Oh yeah…” Now Del had fucked up. “Maybe someone with long hair?”

“What? Lui?” Vanoss began to grin widely, laughing his head off as he lend backwards onto the sofa for support. Del slapped his arm, bright red as a tomato. 

“Fine, whatever, it was Ryan. There, you made me say it, you fucking asshole.”

“Wow, okay.” Evan pondered, “I didn’t think you’d actually tell me.”

“Fuck me, I regret it though. He was so pissed at me this morning. That’s why he’s out.” Jon gestured  dramatically with his arms, Ohm wasn’t the only one who was pissed at him. He wanted to punch himself in the face. 

“You know, I wouldn’t picture you to be the gay type.” Del became flustered. What? What was he saying? 

“I’m not gay…” He denied, “I was just pissed. But Ryan-” Del paused. Did Ohm want Evan to know his sexual preferences? It wasn’t his place to tell. “I mean, we both were.” Del exhaled, feeling as though it was the first time he had actually ever said a sentence after thinking about it. His mouth regularly got him into trouble because he never thought about what he was saying and he was actually slightly proud of himself. 

“Well, why the fuck is he mad then? It was neither of your faults. And unless he’s like super homophobic it didn’t mean anything anyway…” Del froze for a moment. Did it mean something between them? I mean, they had the kissing incident before the whole drunk thing so maybe… maybe it did? Maybe… 

Evan watched Del’s Adam’s apple bob and his tongue rewet his dried lips. He was nervous, anyone could see it. “What’s wrong?”

“I’m not sure. I guess, I’ll just have to talk to him about it. That’s the best thing to do.” Del muttered under his breath, almost so quiet Evan couldn’t hear it. 

“Sure, that’s better than nothing.” Vanoss mumbled, feeling slightly awkward about the whole situation. “Hey man, I don’t wanna leave you here like this, but I got a date with Sydney. And anyway… I think Ohm will want to be alone with you when he gets back. So, good luck, I guess? It was nice seeing you.”

“You too. Have a good one, and... thanks. See you at the wedding, Evan.” Del smiled and Evan just threw himself at him, hugging the fuck out of him.

“No problem, see you soon!” Del pulled away and Evan patted him reassuringly on his arm. “You’re gonna be okay. Both of you.” 

“Thanks, man.” Del said, watching his crush, or whatever Evan was anymore, walk away. 

He felt a pit forming in his stomach. 

Was he and Ryan going to be okay?

...

Ohm wondered around for half an hour trying to figure out which way was the path back to his hotel. Luckily, he found the place of his morning run and worked his way from there. 

He took the elevator up, his legs were burning from running so much and he could feel his stomach knotting with hunger. Just before reaching the front door there was a familiar face that met him down the hallway. It was Evan. He had to take a deep breath and recollect himself. 

So they were together this morning. And Evan did answer Jonathan’s phone. What was he even thinking? Jon was just unbelievable. But it was his own fault, it was him who suggested this whole trip and played the mother like he always did. Delirious was just one idiot, in love with his friend.

It felt like someone was crushing his heart all the while stomping on his brain and squeezing his lungs. He felt like he couldn’t breath. He was suffocating himself. 

Ryan kept his head low, not that Evan would have remembered what he had looked like in his drunken state. But it was better to be safe than sorry and he didn’t think Evan actually noticed him.

He knocked on the door, waiting for a few seconds before Jon opened. There was another moment of awkward silence between them; like it wasn’t enough of that this day. 

“Um, can I go in?” Ohm asked when Jon didn’t move an inch, trying to calm himself down as he saw Jon’s tensed expression.

“Yeah… sorry.” Del stepped aside, letting him pass. Ohm gave Del a sidewards glance as he entered, heading towards his suitcase hidden under the bed. 

Del was watching him, disbelief twisting his face, but it didn’t take long before sadness took him over. “So… is that it? You’re just gonna leave?”

“That’s the plan.” Ohm mumbled, stone-faced. “It’s not like I’m needed here anyway.” He didn’t need this at all.

“What? Why?” 

Ohm grumbled something unrecognizable under his breath, grabbing his clothing messily and forcing it into his already overflowing suitcase. Nothing had ever gone the way he’d planned. He wanted to come here, to apologize, to make it all okay again. And instead… it was the same all over again after hearing Evan’s voice and seeing him here.

“Talk to me.” Jonathan said, standing next to the sofa, being ignored. Ohm just kept walking around, avoiding Del and packing his stuff. “You’re like a fucking child, Ryan.” Del raised his voice. Ohm didn’t react though, still going about packing. Frustrated, Del moved into Ohm’s path; blocking him from the closet. However, he didn’t seem fazed; turning around and walking in the opposite direction.  

But Del had had enough. He grabbed Ohm’s arm to turn him around, to face him. “What the fuck do you think you’re doing?”

“What do you think I’m doing?! Leaving! I’m going back home, you idiot. And for starters, you think I’m the fucking child? Now you’re running to Evan to make it all better when you fuck it up with me?” Ohm yelled, pulling away from Del’s grip, fumbling back slightly. 

Del jerked away, staring at him. “I didn’t run to anyone. He just came to give me my phone back because I forgot it at his yesterday. Because someone fucking dragged me here.”

“Oh yeah, and I bet that wasn’t the only thing he gave to you, maybe a kiss and a cuddle, you poor, poor thing! I feel so sorry for you.” Ohm snarled, his eyes burning with rage. “And where the fuck else was I meant to put you? Out on the street? Or would you have prefered me to fuck you in Evan’s bed?” 

Del was just standing there, with his mouth open in shock. “I fucking can’t believe what you just said.” 

They were staring at each other, it almost looked like they were about to fight, but Ohm stopped himself after a few seconds. What the hell was he saying? What was wrong with him? 

“You’re right. You should leave. Or I will. It doesn’t matter.” Delirious mumbled, turning away from him. 

Ohm felt like he was about to either scream or cry, he didn’t know which; but he certainly didn’t like the burning in his heart or scratching at his eyes. He was looking at Del taking his phone and keys, unable to speak anymore, shocked by his own words. It was like watching a bad movie, Jon didn’t even take a look at him, he just shut the door behind himself with a loud bang and that was it. 

This was the end. 


	6. Chapter 6

Delirious sighed with the door closing behind him. He just got back home, his bag hitting the floor with a silent thud and he heard the sound of his dog, Ted, jumping to the ground, his claws scratching the wooden floor. 

“Oh, finally. Where the fuck have you been for so long?” Luke called from the living room; he had been looking after Ted whilst he had been away. Del was sure Cartoonz was going to kill him for not telling him anything about the fact he was staying longer than planned. Jon smiled when Ted came running to him and jumped onto him, licking at his hands. 

“Hey, Teddy, how have you been? I know, I missed you too. I won’t go anywhere again, I promise.” He said, even though he knew he was lying as he was going to Evan’s wedding in just a few weeks time. Luke appeared in the doorway frowning at him. 

“Do you know you were supposed to be back like a week ago? You could’ve at least let me know.” 

“I’m sorry, Luke. I… had some troubles.” Jon looked at him with apologetic smile, not wanting to go into any further details. 

“Oh yeah, like getting plastered at Evan’s and forgetting your phone there, I’ve heard something.” Luke said sarcastically. “You look like shit, dude. What did Ohm do to you?” 

“Nothing.” Delirious sighed again, picking up his luggage from the ground and walking away. 

 

It was the next evening when he decided to let it all out. He was at Luke’s house, sitting next to him on a sofa with a beer in his hand. They were playing Mario Kart just for fun and he couldn’t keep his thoughts off of Ohm. 

“I think we almost had sex.” He muttered. 

Luke turned his head towards him. He was used to Del talking random shit, but this caught him off guard a little. “What?” 

“Me and Ohm. I got drunk at Evan’s party and he came to pick me up. I had no idea why actually. But I woke up next day, totally blank, with hickeys all over my body.” He took a gulp, feeling the crimson on his cheeks. 

“Are you kidding me?” Luke raised his eyebrow. 

“He told me he didn’t fuck me. And that I didn’t fuck with Vanoss. That’s all I know. I don’t remember anything.” 

“That happens when people get drunk, Delirious. You say it like it’s the end of the world.” Luke said with a reassuring smile. 

“And we also made out. Just a night before. With his sister and niece sleeping just a foot next to us while we were both sober. But we never said a word about it. Jesus Christ, it sounds fucking awful saying it out loud.” He wanted to slap himself for everything he’d ever done. 

“Oh my god, you’re both idiots, you know that? You’re acting like you’re fucking fifteen, Jonathan. Why did you do that? I thought you were crying your eyes out because of Vanoss and now you’re… what? Sucking Ohm’s dick?” 

“Yeah…” Delirious sighed, feeling a bit broken and a lot more confused than he’d ever been before. 

“And how does Ohm feel about it?” Luke asked, and Jonathan’s gut twisted. He looked up, meeting Luke’s eyes. “Oh fuck off. Did you even talk about it?” He was raising his voice. 

“No, he hates me. He doesn’t even want to talk to me.” 

“Of course. And that’s why you got hickeys on your neck.” Luke shook his head. “You know, Delirious. You should try to get your head out of your ass for once and sort the mess both of you made.” 

Delirious looked at him again, feeling like a child after an ass whooping. Luke was right, there was no sense in crying about it. But there was no way he was talking to Ohm right now. He was too much of a bitch to do it himself. 

 

The days were passing by, Delirious was slowly getting back to his normal life, playing video games, recording and editing videos, keeping his mind away from the things that happened. He and Ohm haven’t played or even talked since he left the apartment and it was getting harder and harder every day to make himself talk to him. So he didn’t, and Ohm had never contacted him, so Jon presumed it was what Ohm wanted. To get rid of him. 

It was kind of nice, to be back to his old life. Being able to talk to Evan how he used to before, their friendship had never been as strong as it was these days and he was actually happy to be his best man. He couldn’t wait to see him again, to see Sydney and all the guys. 

He wasn’t letting himself wonder about what could’ve been different if he didn’t act like a total dick to Ohm. But he was missing him and hearing his voice every day before going to bed.

 

“So what’s the plan, dude?” He asked Evan one day after a long GTA gaming session. Evan’s marriage was just in a week’s time and they never talked about it since they saw each other at E3.

_ “Hmm?”  _ Evan mumbled, his voice barely there. Delirious laughed, Evan was amazing but sometimes he was just fucking incredible. 

“Earth to Vanoss. You’re getting married, you asshole. And you asked me to be your best man. I just wanna know what to get ready for.” 

_ “Well, you know. A suit, nice pair of shoes and some pin up flowers. But I will probably take care of those. So your task is just the suit and shoes. And maybe a few words about how awesome I am and how much you owe me.” _ Evan laughed cheesily and Del laughed with him. 

“I think I can manage that. Can I wear a clown’s mask?” Del joked and snorted slightly to his mic.

_ “You can do whatever as long as you come.” _ Evan said softly, Del could almost see him smiling and he couldn’t help himself but laugh even more. 

“I was just joking, man.” 

_ “Yeah… Hey Delirious. I was just… it may sound a bit stupid, but you never told me… Uhh.” _ Evan was mumbling to his mic and Delirious was frowning at his screen as he started editing the new material. 

“Yeah? What?” Del asked. 

_ “You know. About you and Ohm.” _ Evan explained. 

“Oh.” Delirious breathed out, his head blank out of nowhere. He was trying not to think of him and his rabbit friend so hard he might’ve freaked out a bit, thinking about his glowing eyes that were piercing his mind and the strong hands that had touched his body so many times. “Uh, we… well. Nothing much happened, you know. Except me being a colossal brainless idiot and him being… angry.” 

_ “I’m sorry, Delirious. I was just thinking, cause I haven’t seen you playing together since you got back from LA. And you seemed to be really concerned about him back then.”  _

“I was. I still am. But I don’t think he wants to talk to me anymore.” Del sighed, squeezing his temples. 

_ “You haven’t talked to each other?”  _ Evan asked in surprise. 

“No. The last thing he told me was…” Delirious paused and laughed before speaking again, the irony washed over his body. “He asked me if I wanted him to fuck me in your bed.”  

_ “Are you fucking kidding me?”  _

“No, I’m fucking serious, man.” He said when a message from Bryce popped up on his skype, inviting him to play some Rainbow Six. He said quick bye to Evan, glad he had an excuse to end the conversation, taking a few minutes to man up a bit before joining Bryce’s skype call.

\---

Ohm slumped into his desk chair, Buddy following quietly behind him. He popped his headphones on and beckoned his poochie pal onto his lap, cuddling into him.

It had been almost a month since E3 where Ohm had done just as Del had suggested, and gone home after the fight. They hadn’t spoken since then, and it aggravated Ohm. He felt like he needed to apologise, but he couldn’t bring himself to do so, scared of even more heartbreak and rejection. So he had left it hanging, and by the way things were going, so had Del.

Bryce had asked him to join him in a game of Rainbow Six Siege. So he had agreed; the little gaming session definitely needed after his stressful day at work. However, what he didn’t consider was the fact that both Cartoonz and Delirious were in the call when he joined.

“Hey dude!” Bryce joyfully jeered into his mic, almost deafening Ohm as his sound was on full blast without warning. 

“Hey.” Ohm replied, Bryce never failed to amuse him. He was always so happy and cheerful. 

“We all decided to do another ‘dream team’ thingy, as we haven’t done one in ages!”

“We?” That’s when the realisation hit. He hadn’t even bothered taking a look at the list of names in the call, assuming it was nobody he had to worry about. But there it was,  _ ‘H2O Delirious’ _ . He took in a sharp breath as he read the name, and then read it a second time. He had been trying to avoid that name, telling his fans when they asked  _ ‘why?’ _ that it was just coincidence they hadn’t played together, and that they would soon. 

“Yeah, Delirious and Cartoonz, you idiot.” Bryce laughed, tutting afterwards causing Cartoonz to laugh. 

“Are we really that unimportant to you!?” Cartoonz joked, pretending to sob. There was no way Cartoonz didn’t know about the ordeal. Why was he even talking to him? 

“No, you’re not!” Ohm exclaimed a bit too loudly, causing Buddy to jump off to try and find a quieter place to nap. “You’ll matter.” 

Bryce giggled, it sounded like he was shaking his head in disgust. “You’ve done it now, Ohm, they hate you.” Ohm knew he was joking, but it hurt. They probably did after what he had said to Del. 

Cartoonz laughed. “We always have!” He joked again. Ohm was surprised Cartoonz wasn’t more forceful actually, being the older protective brother he was to Del. It was weird how mild the insults were. Maybe he didn’t know?

“Anyway, let’s get into this Goddamn game.” Del suddenly interrupted, causing Ohm’s heart strings to tighten a little. It had been so long since he had heard his voice over Skype. The only connection he had left with him was being a fan and watching his video. Not saying it was a bad thing, but it was definitely a demotion. 

The gaming session became more tense as they started playing, like usual Ohm got ignored, but this time intentionally rather than in pure obliviousness. It hurt. Bryce ended up being the only one to call him out on mistakes and cheering him on, and after a while Ohm became quiet. Letting the other’s chat amongst themselves. 

Del seemed to be his normal self, being silly and laughing his unforgettable laugh. God, Ohm wanted to see him again and hear his laugh in real life once more. He wanted to touch him again, brush arms with him, hug him, kiss him.

“Ohm?”

“Yes?” Bryce voice cutting through his thoughts. “What?”

“Weren’t you listening to me!” He exclaimed, giggling slightly under his breath. 

“Well!” Ohm mumbled, trying to think of an excuse. But Bryce was having none of it. 

“Who are you going to pick?”

“Who?”

“Yes  _ ‘Who’ _ , Ohm.” Cartoonz cried, chuckling. “I swear you literally lose your brain sometimes.”

Ohm scoffed, smiling to himself as he continued to listen to their moaning. There was a reason why he loved all of them. They were his best friends. He had forgotten what it was like to play in his little gang and he had forgotten the main point of it, friendship.  

They played well over 3 hours before saying goodnight; Ohm had been quiet for at least 2 of them. He hadn’t really had anything to say and was scared he would flirt by accident. However, this lack had caused Bryce concern. 

_ ‘Hey dude, you feeling alright? You  _ were _ pretty quiet.’ _ He read the text message Bryce sent him.

Ohm wasn’t sure whether to tell him the reasoning behind it. He was scared for the first time in his life by Bryce. He didn’t want him to ignore him like Cartoonz and Delirious had through the video. Bryce was too nice to lose. But, he didn’t want to lie to him, didn’t want to disclude him from the group like he had been so many times. He didn’t know how much he could tell him about what had happened.

_ ‘Look, I fucked up. Me and Delirious had a fight, like a big one.’ _

_ ‘Oh, what about? It can’t be that bad dude… Can it?’ _

_ ‘It was pretty bad… We haven’t spoken in a month, Bryce, a month.’  _ Ohm swallowed harshly as he read their conversation back to himself, scared he had made the wrong choice. What was he going to say if Bryce asked more questions? Bryce didn’t know about the whole Vanoss thing, hell, he didn’t even know they were at E3.

_ ‘Oh, well, talk to him? Idk, I’m not good at this stuff.’ _

A sigh of relief left Ohm’s lips as he read, thank God Bryce wasn’t asking any questions about it. Bryce was such a nice person. Everyone knew it. Ohm had no idea why Bryce even hung out with him, he was like a beautiful flower among a field of boring grass, he really was. 

‘ _ Yeah, probably. Thanks Bryce, for being understanding.’ _

_ ‘Sure, and just remember, no matter how bad it was, Delirious could never hate you; nobody could, Ohm. I’ll always be here for you, and so will our little team. We’ll have your back, even if there is a bit of conflict within. Okay?’ _

Ohm stared at his screen, amazed by the younger boys compassionate words. He didn’t deserve this, they didn't deserve Bryce. 

‘ _ Okay! Thank you, Bryce. For being here. Anyway, I better let you go to bed. Have a good night, buddy, and thanks again, you have no idea how much you have helped already. Night :)’ _

_ ‘Night :)’ _

And with that the green outlined tick disappeared into blank space and Ohm was left alone once again, however he didn’t feel so alone after Bryce’s kind words. Maybe this was going to be okay, maybe he could just say sorry and it all be better, maybe Del wasn’t as mad at him as he thought. 

Ohm grabbed his phone off the side, scrolling to J - Jonathan. 

‘ _ Hey, you probably don’t want to hear from me tonight after that awkward gaming session, but I just wanted to say that I’m sorry for everything. I know I had hurt you, and I hope you can come to accept you did the same to me. But this isn’t about that. I don’t want our friendship to get ripped apart by all of this, and I sure as hell don’t want Bryce’s or Cartoonz’s relationships to falter either. I know you told Cartoonz about it, just as I have told Bryce something ‘happened’ between us. Luckily he didn’t ask questions and just accepted the fact something was wrong. I’m sure he was thinking how childish we were being, let’s be honest, this is Bryce we are talking about. Anyway, I’ve let this go on too long; this silent treatment and this text. So, yeah. I hope you can come to understand that this isn’t just about us, but about our little group. I don’t want to hurt anyone else. _

_ I’m sorry. _

_ Ryan’ _

Ohm added the final word, even though it was quite obvious from the text’s context who it was, in case Del had deleted him from his contacts. He sat there for a minute, maybe even an hour, checking through it to make sure he was conveying the right thing, and making sure it wasn’t too forceful; that was the last thing he wanted to be. 

Finally, he called it a night, sending it and hugging his phone close to him just in case of that sudden buzz. But nothing happened. Not even a sound. So he popped it on his bedstand, and snuggled into his blankets, before drifting off to sleep. 

\---

Ohm bundled balloons into the back of his car before attempting to close the boot, only popping one in the process. It was Alex’s birthday, and Ohm was excited. He loved birthdays, he loved seeing people happy, especially Alex. She meant everything to him and more. 

He jumped in, exhaling before starting up his vehicle. It was 5 am in the morning and he knew he had a long journey ahead. He wanted to surprise her before she got up - Susan’s idea - so he had gotten up extra early despite the ridiculous time he went to bed. 

The drive wasn’t what was frustrating about it, it was the morning traffic around his home. Everyone seemed to get up early for work in the city, so he took a different route as he tried to make it in time, up a lane, along a housing estate. It was quiet, peaceful almost. Everyone still tucked under their covers, sound asleep. He felt bad for driving through the undisturbed neighbourhood. 

Suddenly, this all came to an end in the moment he was driving through a crossroad and another car had come speeding along from behind a turn on the untouched morning road, plummeting into Ohm’s car as he drove around the unexpected corner. He saw the car by just a glimpse of his eye before he felt the energy of the two vehicles colliding into each other, his face getting hit by an air bag. All he could hear was the sudden crunch of metal against metal and then there was just a silence.

 

Dizzy from the unexpected turn he raised his head which had collided with the steering wheel to see a young man in front of him, around late teens, with blood running from his forehead and his body smashed in between the cars as his corpse had launched from his unbuckled seat. Ohm wanted to scream in terror, but he couldn’t, his voice was stuck. All he could do was stare, his blurred vision capturing the scene.  

His own head was bleeding, and his glasses smashed into the side of his face. He couldn’t feel his lower body as it was wedged, almost so tight he thought he was cut in half. His front windshield had smashed causing a rain of glass to fall over him. Everything hurt, he didn’t know what was wrong, and that was the worst thing of all. He started to panic, the dread of dying falling over him as he heard the shouts of people coming out of the houses to see. He didn’t want to die now, he couldn’t, not on Alex’s birthday. He didn’t want this to be the memory of him on her fifth birthday. This was just a dream, a cruel, messed up dream. 

He began to feel sick, the blurred world spinning around him and black dots clouding his vision. He grabbed his phone, going to his emergency contact - Susan.

_ “Hey big bro, don’t tell me you’ve overslept and you’ll be late.” _ He heard her voice when she picked up, it was sleepy, but it was his sister’s voice and it made him feel so much better.

“Hey Sue, I’m not going to be able to make it to Alex’s birthday.”

_ “Ry-Ry? Why? Are you okay?” _

“I....” He stumbled, choking on his words, what was he gonna tell her? “I had an accident.”

Susan choked on her morning coffee but Ohm couldn’t hear it anymore as his face hit the steering wheel and he let the phone slip to the floor, his body was submitting to the shock it had just gone through.

Susan was screaming at him but he didn’t know it, he was blinking to the darkness that was slowly embracing his vision and he was muttering the last words just for himself to hear before he lost his consciousness:  _ “I love you so much.” _


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's been forever. But please, thank Weetiebel for this chapter, it's all her hard job. <3

Delirious sat quietly in the back seat of a taxi, watching the soft city outside. He wasn’t sure what emotions were bubbled up within himself, but he could tell something wasn’t right. 

He had felt this way for the past couple of days, ever since he had got the desperate text from Ohm. The plead for friendship. It hurt to not reply, it really did. But he just couldn’t bring himself to say anything. He had ignored him in the game, and since then avoided him altogether. It’s hurt to hear his voice. 

He turned the screen on, illuminating his face, and re-read it. The sorry’s wouldn’t cut it. They were already too far in. 

The taxi came to a hult and Del jumped out to find Vanoss waiting for him. 

\---

Susan sat quietly in a chair in the waiting room. The call had shocked her and made her gut twist just thinking about the pain dripping from his voice, the goodbye he was trying to say but never did. Her eyes began to prick with tears again. 

Alex sat next to her, holding her hand, not fully understanding what had happened to her uncle she cared so much for.  Not understanding why her mother had called her party off and why she was sat here, on her birthday. She listened carefully to the song in the waiting room, watching her mom hold back tears. She didn’t understand. 

Susan waited for what seemed like forever for the doctor to arrive. He looked down towards her with pity in his eyes and she thought she was going to explode. 

“We have him stable, but he’s in critical condition.” Even though she shouldn't have, Susan smiled with happiness. He was alive for the moment. 

“He has a lot of injuries, both his arms are broken, a couple ribs, his collarbone, his right ankle is fractured, the bottom of his spine is fractured which may end him up paralyzed and he has a fractured skull which may lead to brain damage - both of  which we can only identify if he wakes up.” The doctor sighed, taking a breath in slowly. He looked towards Alex, who was still confused, and looked back towards the ground. “It’s going to be a hefty burden and a hefty price for these life saving operations. I know I shouldn’t bring that up now but -” He shook his head slightly. “You can go see him if you’d like. Maybe for the best to leave the girl out here.” The doctor was trying to put a pleasent swing to his tired voice, the stress from the operations and paperwork making him almost angry. 

Susan looked up to him with sharp eyes. She was scary. 

“No, she’s seeing him too.” 

The doctor didn't fight her and brought them to Ohm’s room. 

“Have as much time as you need in here and call anyone if there’s a problem.” The doctor told them kindly and with that he wandered away to his next patient. 

Susan watched her brother feeling like it was all a bad dream. There was a white fog at the edges of her sight, making her almost dizzy.  It really was bad. Ryan had blood and bruises everywhere with the white bandages soaked red.  His face was puffed up and swollen and his hair was no longer there, shaved off for the stitches that lined the side of his head. Susan felt like she was going to cry again.

“Mommie, why is uncie asleep? Why is he all weird lookin?” Alex mumbled beside her, watching her. 

“Uncie is hurt, darling, and mommy doesn’t know what to do about it.” She mumbled back to her daughter, forgetting how old she was. “I don’t know what to do.” 

“Wa do you mean, mommie? He’ll be better again, wont he?”

“I don’t know, baby girl, I don’t know. I don’t know how I’m going to look after him if he’s very hurt.”  She was crying hard now, looking at the sad confusion on her newly 5 year old daughter's face, thinking about the money she needed for her brother and didn’t have it. She felt Alex’s small hand creep into her own and she heard her mumbling something quietly under her breath as she lifted her toy to her chest. Susan continued to watch her with blurred vision as the young girl sprang from her grasp and wandered over towards Ryan, placing her teddy next to him and tucking it under the sheets. 

“Delly will make you feel better,” she sung, patting the small bear on the head. “He always makes me feel better on a sad day, doesn’t he?” Alex smiled slightly, looking towards her mother who had randomly jumped into action. 

“What is it, mommie?”

“I need to call Uncie Jon.”

\---

“How do I look?”

“Ugly,” Delirious replied with a snigger as he watched Evan try on his suit for the last time before the big day. 

“Thanks, means a lot.” Vanoss watched him move uncomfortably on his bed. “What is it? You are joking, right?”

“Of course I’m joking, you fucking idiot, and nothing. I’m just nervous, I think,” he mumbled, trying to not look like he was about to jump out of his skin.

Vanoss’s eyes still laid on him though, the cogs working quietly in his head. “Is it about Ohm?” 

Delirious moved suddenly, his eyebrows furrowed and his lips held together tightly. Of course it was about Ohm. How was anything ever not about him?

“Why don’t you just talk to him? I mean, you guys aren’t going to sort anything out by being all quiet and sad looking.”

“I know but-”

“No buts, Jonathan. Now you better sort it out and stop being sad before my wedding, you idiot. I don’t want you be like a grieving widow, thanks a lot. I’d better have you being you.” Evan said trying to encourage the well needed reaction in him.

Delirious smiled to himself. Evan really knew how to make him happy. 

He felt his heart twang but this time instantly thought of Ohm. He missed the way he comforted him by rubbing his hair and cuddling into him, the way his body felt on his own and his lips as familiar as ever.

His thoughts were cut off by his phone ringing. It was an unknown number and he didn’t really care who it was. He wouldn’t even care to answer if he didn’t see the disappointed look at these damn Canadian’s fine face trying to be nice to everyone.

“Hello?”

_ “Jon, it’s Susan.” _

He heard a well-known voice at the other end. His eyes had gone wide and he was thinking about exploding right there and then but there was something that prevented him from doing it. He couldn’t say anything because Susan jumped in when he was about to open his mouth. 

_ “It’s… it’s Ryan. I need your help, please, Jon.” _ She said with her voice breaking, worrying Del. He had never imagined he could heard her being so vulnerable and desperate. 

“What? What’s going on?” He asked, feeling his heart almost stopping when the words finally reached his brain. It was Ryan. Something was horribly wrong. He looked up at Evan who watched him with confusion and worry.

_ “Ryan’s had a massive accident and he’s in hospital and I fucking don’t know what to do. Jon, I don’t know what to do.”  _ He heard her freaking out and with every second his heart dropped a bit lower.

“Wow, wow. Calm down, what?”

She was sobbing into the phone for a while, Jon was trying to think of something to say but he was so afraid he couldn’t do anything. Susan took a few deep breaths and with her voice collapsing every now and then, she started explaining.

_ “He was in a car accident and he's really badly hurt, and i mean really, he might not make it, Jon. And if he does he could be paralyzed or have brain damage or… I don't know. I couldn’t think of anyone else to call.   But… but I can’t pay any of the fees and look after him and Alex, my poor baby Alex.”  _ , 

His heart sunk right to the bottom of his chest, breaking into million pieces. Ohm was hurt. Ohm was seriously hurt and might not wake up. 

_ “Help me. Help  _ us _. Please,” _ she whispered.  

Evan looked at him like he had seen a ghost, giving him the  _ ‘are you alright?’ _ look. But Del didn’t look back anymore, he was staring into his lap, he thought he was going to throw up. 

“I-” He didn’t know what to say. He didn’t know how to react. She had called him as her last hope and he didn’t know what to do. 

“Please, Jon, he cares about you so much, and I know you guys haven’t talked for weeks, but he still cares about you. Hell, if he was awake, he’d never let me call you. He’d want you to not care about him. But he isn’t awake Jon, he’s dying-” 

Jonathan could hear the shocked gasp from what seemed like Alex, followed by scream and sobs and sounds of Susan trying to calm her, wishing she had never said that word. 

_ “Please Jonathan. I know you don’t hate him, you care about him as much as he does about you, and I’m sure he’d love to hear you say that to him because that's what he thought, he thought you hated him. I’d always tell him you didn’t, but he kept on, saying how he deserved it and how stupid he was for thinking you would even look at him as a friend. Jon, please. Please. Please.” _ She was crying heavily with Alex at the same level. 

It echoed down the phone as Evan watched him intensly. 

“Go.” He mumbled, his eyes looking straight into Jonathan’s eyes. “I can’t believe you even have to think about this.”

“I’m not.” Del whispered. “I’m going. I just… I just... can’t move.” He looked up at him again, tears filling his eyes, his arm that held his phone up to his ear dropped to his lap and a first shocked sob emerged from him.

Evan watched as his best man and best friend broke down in front of him. First, it was his face to go as it began to erupt into tears and then his body that curled up into a ball in the arm chair he sat in.

“Stop, Jo, there’s no time for this.” Evan exclaimed coming to him, taking him by his forearms. “Ohm needs you now, you can break down as much as you want when you’re there, but you have to go now.” 

Jon’s phone fell to the ground with a thud, it was silent. Evan picked it up. 

“I’ll take care of him. He’ll be with you soon.”He hung up then,putting the phone back into the rich blue hoodie Jonathan was wearing. “Now, then.” He said softly, watching the older man shatter. “Let’s pack.”

\---

Evan would be lying if he said he wasn’t disappointed by the event, he had just lost his best man, but it was nothing compared to if Del actually lost Ohm. He would see Jon again whereas Del might not have the same luxury with Ohm. He watched him say bye to the guys, sadness filling his normally bright blue eyes. Finally, he came up to him, and smiled. 

“Thanks, Evan.”

“For what?” He mumbled. To be honest he wasn’t a big fan of Ohm at first, scared he was stealing his best friend from him, but after realising that there was more to this ‘friendship’ of theirs, he didn’t mind so much. In fact, he was happy, happy for his best friend in crime. “What amazing thing have I done now?”

“Yah know, not being a lil’ bitch about this.“ Del smirked. 

Evan laughed, smiling back. He brought him into a hug, suddenly saddened by the departure. “Tell Ohm I said hi and that, you know, that I’m sorry we got off on the wrong foot or something...” He pulled away from Del who seemed like he was going to cry again. 

“I will.” He choked. “I definitely will.” 

\---

Delirious sat quietly on the plane that Evan had managed to book last second, heading to Chicago to be with Ohm. He couldn’t help but think about the what ifs. What he could have said. What both of them could have done differently. He wished he had told Ohm everything he had thought about him, and told him he didn’t hate him. Because how could he ever hate him? 

But none of this dwelling mattered anymore, he couldn’t change what he had done, the things he had said, the moves they had made, so there was no point. All he could do was hope that Ohm would pull through and that he’d get to see him smile, and hear his beautiful voice again. All he wished for was for Ohm to be okay. 

The flight took five hours to get there. The whole time Delirious had stared out the window, terrified of what he’d find on the other end. Susan had agreed to pick him up from the airport which made him incredibly nervous. 

He picked Susan out of the crowd as soon as he got there, her sadness radiating off of her with Alex in her arms equally as saddened. 

“Hey, Jon.” She mumbled uncharacteristically, her eyes brimming with tears. The scene almost causing him to sob.  

“Hey guys.” He replied, watching as Alex began to cry. She had her arms away from her mother's body, flexing her fingers as she tried to grab Jon's chest. He picked her up, lifting a weight from Susan. Alex tucked her head into Jon's neck. 

“I hope Delly will make him better.” She cried into Delirious’ chest causing a tear to roll down his face. Susan looked towards him, her, too, now crying. 

“I will baby, don't you worry now,” he said in a pretended calm voice, but Del could hardly convince himself. 

\---

Ohm was bad. 

Del almost began to cry when he saw him covered in bruises, bandaged to the full. 

He just wanted to hug him and tell him he was going to be okay, that he was going to make it, and that he could never hate him, because the only thing he could ever do was to love him. He was Ohm. The guy that made his tears go away, who stuck by him on lonely nights and saved him from himself. He was clever and ambitious and kind and caring and Del didn't want to lose that.  He didn't want to lose his Ohm. 

“Jesus.”

“I know.” Susan replied quietly.  “And this.” 

She handed him the chart, with the injuries, and the cost of each surgery. 

“Holy shit.” 

“I don't know what I’m going to do. Ry-ry was basically my financial support. I have nothing without him.” Susan began. “I just wanted you to come here. I wanted him to see you. I'm sure he'd be so happy right now. To know you're here, Jon. To know you dropped everything for him. I just want him to live, he's my little brother, for God's sake.” Susan was weeping hard now, wobbling on her knees. Jon caught her and held her tight, he too crying. 

Guilt started to build within Jon. He wanted to tell him he was sorry, sorry for everything he had ever done. He didn't deserve Ohm. 

“Sue. Right now, don't  worry about the fees okay? I'll pay for them, and I'm sure a few others can chip in too. And I'm sure he'll be okay. It's Ryan. He's a damn champion. He'll fight it.”

Susan jerked back. 

“Are you serious? Did you see how much it is?” 

“He's my best friend and I love him. I'd do anything.” Del said, thinking back over his words. 

“I love him.” 


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> By Weetiebel.

Jon got given a bed to sleep on in the hospital, it was a white pull out one. He had brought his Nintendo DS. Yeah, he was a grown man sat in checkered pajamas next to another man playing on a 3DS, but he didn't care. He wanted to be with Ryan when he woke up. To tell him everything was okay. And while doing this he needed to occupy his thoughts with something, he would go crazy from over thinking otherwise.

Before he fell to sleep that night he held Ryan's hand that was dangling slightly off of the bed and stared. He wasn't lying about being scared, scared Ryan wouldn't wake up, scared that if he did he wouldn't be the same. Maybe he wouldn't remember him at all? He shook his head to make the thoughts disappear, he didn’t need this now, the one and only thing for now was believing. Everything else was something to deal with once the waiting was going to be over. 

Jon's phone started to go off, causing him to jump from his compromising position. He turned the sound off quickly from sheer reflex but then remembered it couldn’t wake anyone up.

It was Luke.  He picked up after staring at the screen for a few seconds. Was he ready to talk about it? 

“Hey Jon, I just heard about the whole Ohm thing.” There was a long silence. The sound of Luke's heavy breathing on the other end made Jon nervous. “Evan told me you had gone to see him. Is he, ya know, okay?”

Jon paused, trying to calm his breathing, his eyes itching as they held back tears. “No,” was all Jon could manage before he heard the raspy strain in his own voice. 

“What can I do to help, Jo? Ohm’s my friend too.” 

“Tell the guys, please. Ask them if they can spare anything towards anything.  God, I don't know Luke.” Jon replied frustrated for no reason. Luke was silent down the other end. Thinking. 

“I will, Jon. Don't you worry. He'll get better.  It's Ohm.” 

“But what if he doesn't? What if he doesn't even remember me and all the shit I've done to him? I want Ryan to be Ryan when he wakes up. I want him to slap me for being a bitch, I want him to kick me for not talking to him till now, I want, I want him to kiss me… I… I want him to kiss me because he likes me. Fuck sakes.” Jon could feel the hot burn of the tears as they rolled down his pale face. God, he wanted Ohm to wake up.

He wasn't religious but he started to mentally prey to all the Gods he could think of that Ryan would be okay. 

Luke huffed on the other side of the phone. Jon knew he was desperately trying to find something to make him feel better, but in this very moment there was nothing he could do.

“Do you want me to stay awake with you?” 

“Nah, it's okay, just please, ask everyone tomorrow for help.  Okay?”

Luke hummed in response.  

“Call me if you need anything, I'm here.”

“Gotcha, bye.” 

Jon sat there for a minute with his phone in his lap, tears forming in the corners of his eyes. 

He was never going to get to sleep. 

 

Three weeks passed by with no change to Ohm’s health. 

Susan and Alex came in everyday after school and work to see him, staying for an hour or so, then leaving again. 

“Hey, Jo, do you want anything? Clothes? How about you come back with us for a little bit?” Susan mumbled as she got up to leave. Alex was by her side hugging onto her teddy.

“I can't, say if he wakes up?” 

Susan looked down at him with defeat in her eyes. “It's been three weeks, and you look as sick as he does,” she commented, not holding anything back. “Just come, have a shower and a meal and then you can come back. It doesn't matter if you're not here when he wakes up, as long as he wakes up it'll be a glorious moment.”

Jon sighed, coming to join them. She was right, he hadn't had a proper shower, meal and was wearing them same clothing he had come in, which was not even a week's worth of stuff. 

Susan wondered over to Ryan, kissed his forehead and letting Alex do the same, barely reaching as she stood on tiptoes. “Bye Ry-ry.  See you later.” 

Jon came over to them, he too planting a kiss on Ohm’s forehead. He didn't want to leave him. He held the kiss longer than the others had, bringing his head only slight back to talk. 

“I'll see you tonight. Take care.” 

 

They arrived at Susan's small apartment, it was cleaner than he had expected.

“Uncie, come see my room, it's soooo cool!” Alex screamed with excitement, grabbing onto Jon's top.

“Alex-”

“It's okay,” Jon muttered, his voice strained. Susan frown before letting them go, going to the kitchen to cook. He was so relieved that at least Alex kept being herself after the terrible stuff that happened, it was so amazing to see. And he wouldn’t be lying if he said he needed this like he needed to breathe. To do the normal everyday living like everyone else, to let the little one be excited while he and Sue were losing all of their hopes.

Alex opened the door for a small old dog to come bouncing out. 

“This is Buddy, he's Uncle’s dog-dog. I get to look after him.” 

Jon smiled, coming to cuddle the soft dog in his arms to comfort himself. “Are you taking good care of him?” 

“Of course! Right, Buddy?” 

Jon began to snicker as Alex put on an accent, agreeing with herself as she pretended to be Buddy. 

She grinned at Jon, coming to hug him unexpectedly. 

“Uncie will get better, yeah?”

Jon couldn't quite make out if it was a question or a statement but agreed anyway. 

“Ryan's strong, he'll be okay.” 

Alex nodded in his arms, staying put as she continued to hug him. 

There was a silence as she snuggled into him, the long day at her new school starting to catch up with her. It was almost 10pm, so there was no surprise that she was tired. 

Jon lifted her up, as well as Buddy who was still squished in between them, popping her onto her little bed and coming to sit next to her.

She already had he pj's on after coming in them to see Ohm. 

She lazily grabbed hold of Jon's hand, cuddling against him, despite them both being on her bed. 

“When Uncie comes out, do you think you'll get married?”

Jon snorted, surprised by the random question. 

“Can I be the person that gives you the ring thing? I saw one when mama’s friend was getting married.” 

Jon started to laugh, the small, barely conscious girl next to him ambition made him happy.

“Sure, you can be the ring girl,” he said cautiously without answering question number one.

“I'll be the bestest one ever.” She looked up towards him. 

He was wearing a now sad expression as the thoughts of Ohm never waking up haunted him. God, he needed him to wake up so badly. He still didn’t know what would happen if Ryan wouldn’t make it through. It was almost unbearable to deal with these thoughts.

“Here,” Alex mumbled against him, handing her teddy to Jon. “Delly will make you feel better.” 

Jon smiled at her, the innocence of her actions and words bringing him almost to tears in his vulnerable state. “Thanks, baby.” 

“Your dinner’s ready Jo, sorry it's only leftovers from ours but…”

“That's okay. Thanks.” 

He left Alex asleep, snuggled next to Buddy in her bed. 

“I'm going to Ryan's to get you some clothes, if you could just keep an eye on Alex.”

“Sure, thanks for all of this, you know.”

“No, thank you.” Susan mumbled, “I don't know what I would do without the money you're giving us and the help and keeping Alex so happy-”

“You think I'm keeping her happy? You should see how happy I am because of her, she gives me hope that he'll...” 

“I know.” Susan came over towards him, unexpectedly hugging him. She sighed, holding him tightly. 

“Ryan's always been there for me. Always. When our parents split up and we went to live with our dad he was always like the other parent. Dad and him were so similar. The same kindness. The same smartness. Dad would be so proud of him for looking out for me, for everything.” 

Jon stood in shock. Susan wasn't one to show emotion, but when she did it was deep. 

“Ryan has always been there to protect me, and here's me who can't do a single thing for him. Since our dad passed away-”

“You're dad?”

“Has Ryan never told you anything?”

“No…” Jon sighed, Ryan never told him anything, keeping everything secret.

“Well I guess he never had a reason to. Our mum and dad split up due to mum cheating and going off with another man. Dad looked after us until we all got into a car accident that killed him. I only had physical injuries, luckily, but Ryan was traumatised by the whole experience that he couldn't even sit in a car for ages, and he almost has a panic attack when anything loud bangs.” 

“Like thunder?” 

Susan nodded in response, pulling away from the hug they were still In. 

She sighed heavily, watching Jon's tired expression. 

“Anyway.” She grumbled, her hard guard coming back up. “I better get going, else we’ll be here forever. By the times you eat and have a shower I'll be back, I left a clean towel for you.”

“Thanks..”

“No probl-”

“For everything.” 

His deep blue eyes looked at her forcefully. She nodded in response and understanding  before leaving him alone in the kitchen. 

 

Susan was right about how long she was going to take. She knocked on the door of the bathroom, being let in by Jon who still stood there in a towel. 

“Here, they're Ry-ry’s so they might be a bit big.” 

Jon nodded in response, feeling a lot better after his meal and shower. “Thanks, when are we going back?” 

“I'll have to pop Alex in the car and you have to get changed, so afterwards?”

Susan didn't seem fazed by Jon as he started to slip his clothing on, towel still hung at his waist. 

“I'll get Alex.” 

He changed into Ryan’s clothes, his heart aching a bit more with the scent of him all around. He sighed and left.

 

Delirious felt a ping in his heart when there was no change to Ohm’s condition. He had hoped that he would come back to find Ohm awake and himself and feel the relief of finally seeing him okay. But no, Ohm still laid there, monitors beeping away and a stone expression planted on his face. 

“We’ll see you tomorrow.” Susan mumbled, grabbing hold of Jon's arm. “Take good care of my brother.” 

He nodded, unable to find strength to do anything else.

 

Jon sat awake, staring at Ohm’s chest slowly rising and falling. He had got bored of Animal Crossing and Zelda and now sat in silence, watching, as he inhaled the smell of Ohm’s warm clothing that blocked out the smell of the hospital.

He wanted to tell him everything he felt, everything he was thinking. So he decided to write it down, as he knew how shit he was at speaking his mind and feelings.

First, he started like a letter, addressing it to Ryan. This was for him after all.  Then wrote down the situation. How because of his crash he had missed Evan’s wedding and flown across the country to be here, how he didn't have to make that choice between if he was coming and how he was glad he had. He then put about the feelings, like how he felt so stupid for everything, how Luke had told him off, how he wanted him to wake up, be alright, how he has never been so scared in his life for somebody else's future and how he didn't know what he'd do if he was gone.  How Ryan was his scapegoat and how he had used him, how sorry he felt for it, for banging on about Evan when really he felt so strongly for Ryan. How Susan and Alex were the best people in the world and how Alex had said she wanted them to marry.  How Ryan had saved him from being a sad mess by making him so happy and how he hoped he made Ryan happy too.

And how he wanted him to wake up so he could tell him how much he loved him. 

He wanted him to wake up so much. 

 


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let's continue the ride while changing point of view a little bit.

It was a nice sunny afternoon that day. Ryan was in a park, without having an idea where he really was, but it didn’t matter at all because he was sitting on a swing and swinging like crazy; this must’ve been how birds felt while flying around. 

He felt like he was about to stay in the air if he jumped, like he would grow a pair of wings. There was a spring scent in the wind, that he remembered so well from his childhood, it was that tree that grew behind the house he and his family lived in. It was sweet and kind of heavy scent but still very nice. 

He was smiling and he was free, although he knew in the very back of his mind there was something serious going on but he couldn’t bring himself to think about it. Why would he? He did so much thinking in his life and now his mind was finally unoccupied by the bad. 

He kept on stretching his legs and arms to stay as high as possible, he was swinging through something that almost looked like a mist and he was really curious about it but on the other hand he couldn’t find any reason as to why should he care. This was his world and it could’ve been full of anything. 

The only attention he was really paying was only because of his heart that stung a bit time to time, to remind him of someone missing. Someone who was lost in the mist around him, someone who was searching for him because once they lived in this world together and they shared their lives. With every vague sting there was this weird voice calling his name. 

He wasn’t even sure what his name was. 

…

There he was again. Standing by his favorite swing in this weird misty park. However this time it was like something has changed, like it was getting darker, the mist around wasn’t white anymore, it had got a shade of grey in it. 

_ “Ryan,” _ someone said behind him, it was a male voice, sounding so familiar to him. He turned around to find out who it was but he was alone. 

He opened his mouth in an attempt to call back but he couldn’t speak. He also realised he couldn’t move anymore. He blinked, and he heard the whisper of his own voice in the space around him,  the air vibrated with his thoughts.

_ Hello? What’s going on?  _

This was his world, he could choose the way he was going to speak. 

He heard a quiet sob. 

_ “I’m so sorry, Ryan,” _ the voice spoke to him again. 

_ What for? What is this? Where are we?  _

He was slowly losing his vision, the grey mist turned into dark, his eyes closed all of sudden and he couldn’t prevent it in any way. No one answered. He knew he should’ve panicked but it was impossible, he breathed calmly while falling in a slow motion. 

It was silent. 

…

_ “I love him,” _ he heard after some time. It was the same voice again, maybe, probably, he wasn’t sure. He wanted to cry because the way it was said was heartbreaking. It was all he had time to think of because only a few seconds after he was falling again. 

… 

There were moments when all he could hear was quiet beeping. Sometimes he would feel something tugging at his hand and arm. Once in a while there was a quiet whimper. 

…

_ “Hello Ry-Ry,” _

_ “Hi Uncie, how are you?”  _

_ “He’s still the same.”  _

_ “He’ll be better, Jon.”  _

_ “Will he?”  _

… 

The state of constant dozing off and occasional feeling in the world of nowhere was starting to annoy him. He tended to hear conversations around him every now and then, he already knew there was a machine next to him beeping every few seconds and there was a hand holding his own hand most of the times. 

Another thing he was sure of was that something terrible must’ve happened. He knew he was asleep and most of this were dreams and not reality. There was Jon talking to him almost every time he dreamt, and he was begging him to wake up. This crazy delirious clown. 

…

It was another sunny afternoon when his mind finally let him see the children’s swing again. From this moment all he could think of was the feeling of flying away. He stayed on the same spot before the decision; he tried to move his legs and they listened, he was able to walk all the way to sit down. 

He smiled and pushed off the ground into the first swing. Then the world turned black again. 

…

_ Jonathan.  _

…

He awoke to a storm the other time. There were trees curling in the strong wind around him, the wind also made the old swing move on its own, it was screeching. Everything was wet and cold and scary. 

An unexpected crack of thunder scared the hell out of him but he couldn’t even open his mouth to scream. He was just standing in the middle of nowhere, praying to wake up, praying for Jon to come and save him. He fell to the ground and curled into a little ball, hoping he would he would black out again. But of course it took him fucking ages this time.

… 

The next time he was able to open his virtual eyes was when the sun was about to set. The sky was wondrous, it went from the lightest of orange into dark purple and the darkest of blue, it was all he could see for a very long moment. Then something grabbed his hand. 

He shrunk back and looked to his left. 

_ Jonathan,  _ he said in his mind, hardly believing he actually saw him. 

They smiled at each other in the second their eyes met. Jon was quiet, but his eyes spoke for him. They were loving and wide and so much happier than ever before. Why did he never make them shine like this? 

_ I’m so sorry, Jon. I wish I could wake up. I wish I knew what happened at least. I’m so sorry for all the pain I’ve ever caused you. _ It was so easy to talk without having to open his mouth. His thoughts were pouring out on their own, he didn’t have to think whether he wanted to let them out or not. And in the end it didn’t matter because none of this was real.

Jon took his other hand and tangled himself around to hug him, his body felt warm and comforting and it was all Ryan needed. If he could stay like this until the end of his days, he would be perfectly happy, because it was all he ever wanted. 

_ I wish we could stay like this forever,  _ he thought.

_ “We can’t.” _

Ryan looked at him. 

_ “You have to wake up.”  _ Jonathan said without parting his lips. 

_ “Now.”  _ His eyes pleaded. 

_ “Wake up.”  _ His eyes screamed. 

_ “He needs you.”  _ He cried. 

_ “Wake up!” _ He shouted and pushed him so hard Ryan fell to the ground. He hit his head and the pain was so excruciating he had to close his eyes. When he opened them again, he was surrounded by whiteness.  


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We are sorry this took so long to bring out, we have had a few complications.   
> SlashPrincess is having a very hard time at the moment, which she can discuss whenever she deems fit.   
> This means that I will be going solo for a little while, maybe forever.   
> GNC will be coming out as normal, however, will be a one man project for a bit (or even until it finishes), so sorry if there are spelling mistakes or/and a lack of decent writing as Slash really was my other half for this project, and I am scared it is going to go to shit without her.   
> So sorry about the lack of content.  
> Thank you for understanding. 
> 
> On a better note, someone asked about donations and I have created a Patron account. Please don't take this the wrong way, as I write for enjoyment and don't expect any money from any of you. Your emotional support is enough. However, for whoever asked me on Tumblr, here it is: https://www.patreon.com/user?alert=2  
> Thank you all for being such awesome fans and sticking around.   
> -SexualPizzaBox (Weetiebel)

White, that was all Ohm could see as light blinded his senses. He squinted against it, his eyes feeling the burn causing them to water heavily. After the blurriness had passed he could still see white, but it wasn’t a blinding type of light, it was a room, a room of white. 

He could feel a weight pressed against his torso as he breathed. He tried to sit up to see what it was, but nothing seemed to move at his will, his arms feeling heavy and his legs with no feeling at all.   
His head was thumping hard, and his face felt swollen. He tried to talk, but all that came out was a strained whimper, pronouncing the fact his throat was stuffed with a tube.

What the hell was going on?

After a minute or two, he got feeling back in one of his legs, moving it up slightly, hitting into the mound. 

It was a person.

A surprised gasp left the person's lips before he felt them gripping his hand for what seemed like dear life.   
“Ryan? Ryan, are you awake?” The person spewed out, letting Ohm know who it was.   
The voice was low and husky from sleep, but so familiar. There was nothing in the world he would be more sure about than knowing this was Jonathan’s voice.

“Oh my God, oh my God, oh my gody, gody, God,” Jonathan was mumbling, now he could see his face, the face he had so wanted to see next to him. Tears of happiness rolling down his cheeks, his pretty little smile lighting his face up.   
“Can you hear me, Ryan?” Jon whispered softly, now coming very close to his face. Ohm nodded in response, still unable to talk.   
“I’m going to go get the nurse, okay?”

Delirious left him, almost running, quickly returning with a nurse he had found in the hallway. The nurse then shot off as he went to get a doctor to confirm something Delirious had asked him.   
Before Ohm knew it his breathing tube was being slid from his mouth.

“Can you breathe?” The doctor asked, staring intensely at Ohm who nodded again.   
“That’s good, okay, I’m going to run a few more tests on you just to make sure everything is okay.”

Ryan looked over to Jon whose face seemed worn, his beard unshaved for a few days and his eyes tired. He was on the phone, calling what seemed like Susan to come as quick as possible. 

What was going on?

“There, all done. We’ll come check on you later to see how you’re doing. I’m guessing, for now, you’d like a bit of time with your family.” The doctor smiled, unhooking one last machine from his chest before leaving the pair alone.  
Jon was still on the phone, staring at him with a smile. 

Finally, he finished talking, flustered as he grinned with joy.   
“I can’t believe you’re awake. I’m so happy.”

And Ryan was taken aback. Amazed by the smile that covered the others face, the glisten in his eyes, wet from crying, and the fact he reached out, to touch him, made Ohm’s heart flutter. 

He had no idea why he was sat there, why Jon was so happy to see him, but it made his heart warm seeing how much he cared.

“We didn’t think you’d wake up.” Jon choked, tears filling his eyes once again. He was relieved. All of this time he had waited, scared he wouldn’t come back to him, scared he wouldn’t be the Ryan he had come to care for, to love. 

He pawed at him, resting a hand on Ryan’s hip and moving his head closer for it to rest on Ohm’s bandaged own, his eye’s shutting.   
Ryan seemed perplexed, moving slightly as Jon’s body began to soften into his. But Delirious didn’t move. 

“Stay,” Jon muttered, hugging into Ryan gently.

Ryan stopped, his eyes watching the face close to his. The tube was out, but he couldn’t get his mouth to form a sentence, despite being able to move it. He had so many questions, mainly about what had happened to him, however, he couldn’t help but want to ask how Jon got here. The last time they had spoken, he had been mad, so mad, so why was Jon curled up against him now? What had happened?!

Jonathan stayed, cuddled up against Ryan until he heard the sound of Alex laughing with delight down the hallway. He could feel Ryan tense beneath him, so he rose and propped himself onto the chair next to him, never looking away from Ohm’s beautiful eyes.

“Uncie!!!!” Alex almost screamed, coming to the end of the bed and nearly jumping onto him, forgetting he was still hurt.   
Jon caught hold of her arm though before she could fling herself onto him.  
“He’s still hurty.”  
Alex pulled a saddened face, her big eyes looking towards Jon and then her Uncle who watched her.   
“Poor Uncie.”

Susan was stood on the other side of Jon and Alex, eyes red with crying. Ohm watched her bend down, and press her lips onto his forehead. He had never seen her look so deflated before. His eyes began to feel watery. There was so much emotion in the room and he didn’t understand why. 

“I'm going to have a chat with the doctor okay?” Susan stated, her sentence mainly directed at Alex. Alex nodded in reply.   
“Do you want me to come with you?”   
The fondness in Jon's voice was one Ryan had hardly come across before. They had become closer than he had ever thought. Last time he saw the two together they hadn't even hugged, now Jon spoke to her almost as though he was also her brother.   
“No, you stay here with Alex.” Her reply seemed less forceful and authoritative than she normally spoke. Her dominance now laid with mutual respect.   
“Okay.” Was all Jon responded with, his eyes darting down towards Ryan's own, smiling.

Ryan didn't understand what was going on. But that smile made everything feel better. 

Susan left the room, although Ryan wished she hadn't, and awkward aroma filled the air. Jon was watching him quietly as he plaited Alex's hair. She was mumbling to herself about ‘Delly’ her teddy bear. 

Everything looked so natural. 

“You probably have so many questions,” Jon mumbled, looking for a response which he didn't get. All Ryan could do was sleepily muffle. He felt drowsy and could hardly move any of this body parts, with difficulties even opening his tired eyes.   
“You got into a car crash, about a month ago now, so, you've been in a coma since, well, Alex's birthday. It's mostly been medically induced one, as you've had a few operations on various places.  
“I flew over here the day after and stayed sleeping in the hospital for about 4 weeks. But now I'm staying in the hotel across the road. I would have rocked at your place, but as you were out cold I thought it would of been a bit rude to intrude on your privacy like that...” Jon's voice dropped off. His tired eyes filling with tears. He wiped them away with his sleeve, not letting the little girl on his lap see. 

Ryan wanted to hug him.   
He didn’t want him to cry.

“We had a few false alarms actually. We thought you had woken up about 2 weeks ago and the week before that, I'm not sure you remember; but you opened your eyes and everything, only to become unresponsive again after a few minutes. Do you remember?”   
Ryan shook his head slightly, this is the only thing he could remember, and he would have definitely remembered Jon's face if he had seen it before.   
“I didn't think so.” Jon smiled weakly, finishing Alex's plait. 

Alex got up, placing her teddy next to Ryan's arm which was heavily cast. 

“I told you Delly would make everything better.” 

Ryan stared at her for a second, before locking eyes with Jon. 

He wanted to agree.

They sat in silence, the only sounds to be heard were the monitors beeping away and Alex’s light humming as she played on Jon’s phone.  
Ryan couldn’t help but keep his focus on Jon though. His thoughts were foggy, and he couldn’t seem to think straight, but watching Jon’s eyes lay on himself made him somehow feel better. It felt like some kind of dream as his visual snow made the room dance, the white burnt his eyes and Jon’s soft face stared sadly at him.   
Ryan could feel his eyes shutting. He didn't want to let go of this feeling, he didn't want to feel as though he had been dreaming.   
He wanted to stay with Jon.  
He struggled, as his blinking became heavier and he could hardly feel his body.   
Finally, he drifted back into his sleep, leaving the world he so wanted to stay in.

He dreamed of the swing.   
It blew softly in the wind, covered in the white mist that now clouded his thoughts.   
He was no longer on the swing, but beside it. He couldn't fly anymore, he was stuck into the ground.   
He didn't want to stay here.   
Jon wasn't here. 

Unlike the other times, he could suddenly feel a deep pain in his chest, as though he was going to throw up. His legs ached and his arms throbbed heavily.  
The next he knew, he was on the floor, screaming as the pain ran up his body. He had no idea what was going on. 

And then the white came again, his vision blurred once more from the brightness. 

The room hadn't changed. 

However, Jon's face had. He looked scared as he stood above him instead of peacefully resting like last time.   
“Hey Ryan, Ryan, it's okay buddy.” 

Ryan felt his lungs sharpen and the loud noise that filled the room stopped.

“Are you okay?” Jon asked smoothly, his eyes still frantically searching Ryan's face.

“Yeah.”   
Jon stared for far too long as Ryan muffled out the single word, coughing harshly afterwards.   
“You can talk.”   
“I guess so.”

There was a silence before Jon started to form conversation again.   
“You've been out for another week. Do you remember the last time you woke up?”  
Ryan seemed astonished.   
“A week? It felt like a minute. And yeah, I remember.”

Jon's eyes seemed to narrow. His expression still stuck on a neutral one. He seated himself in the chair next to Ryan and exhaled harshly. His deep blue eyes staring intensely. He had missed that voice, the voice he had been waiting to hear for a month. He could feel the blood draining from his face. He felt like he was going to cry again. 

It was Ryan’s voice. 

Ryan stared back. He had so many questions he could now ask, but this silence seemed to be more important than all the questions in the world. 

The blues softened, Jon's electric stare now filled with so much more than just a single emotion.

“I missed you.” 

Ryan seemed shocked by the statement as Jon leaned in closer, not for any romantic gesture though. Instead, he leaned in almost for closure. To confirm Ryan was here, awake, and Ryan. 

Ryan didn't have any words. So he let Jon's head, again, rest on his own. This time with a full awareness of Jon's intentions. 

Jon seemed to choke on his own words, which turned into a muffled sob. 

“You have no idea how much I've missed you.” 

He brought his arms around Ryan, careful of the injuries.   
He tried to speak again, but all that came out was a whimper. He couldn't bring himself to usher another word. The emotions he had felt flooding him all at once. 

Ryan could feel tears forming in his own eyes. He knew what Jon meant.   
He didn't understand what had really gone on. He was probably on the less emotional side of this accident, as all he knew was he had missed the days of struggle whilst in a coma. But, the one thing he did understand was that Jon was here, after everything that had happened between them. Jon wasn't ignoring him anymore. Jon didn't hate him. He was standing here pressing his head against his own, sobbing about the fact Ryan was here. 

And that was something.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, dudes, it's ya boi coming in hot with another GNC. Thank you for being so patient all the time, it really helps to move this along. I know this chapters short, but I liked the finish it had on it. Purple will probably be out later on today or tomorrow. So heads up for that bad boy too.   
> Thank guys  
> -SexualPizzaBox AKA Weetiebel

“I don’t really have a clear answer for you. It really all depends on how quickly you heal up. Sorry.”

Ryan grumbled at the nurse's response but didn’t make a huge deal out of it. It was pretty damn obvious to him what she had said, even he could have worked that out as drugged up on pain relief as he was.

He sat in silence, waiting alone. 

Jon had told him he’d be back after having a quick wash and shave at the hotel he was staying at. Ryan still couldn’t get his head around the fact he was here still, that he hadn’t let go of whatever they had standing, which from before whatever had happened, wasn’t much. 

He heard the sound of people walking the hallways and chatting away outside his empty room. It was weird to think he had been out for a month. The world had continued without him.

“Sorry about that.” Jon’s familiar voice peaked through as he opened the door. His eyes weren’t looking towards Ryan though. Instead, they stared at his own shoes as he walked through. 

“You were quick.” 

That’s when Jon looked up, his deep blues looking intensely at Ryan’s hazel eyes. There was a strange atmosphere between the two.   
Jon exhaled sharply, as though he was holding his breath, and continued to walk towards Ryan, sitting in the chair next to his hospital bed. 

Now that Ryan was fully awake, he didn’t have any idea what to say to him. Yeah, he was still high as a kite from the drugs he was taking, but his head seemed clearer than it had been. 

“So,” Jon suddenly had to clear his throat, the nerves he had been feeling strangling him. “How are you feeling?”  
Ryan snorted, causing Jon to change his line of sight.  
“I’m feeling okay. I mean, I can’t feel my lower body, my arms ache like hell and are useless, and my head is pounding like a son-of-a-bitch, but apart from that, I feel okay.”  
Jon cracked a smile, something he felt like he hadn’t done in a while. And Ryan soon followed after, although it was more of a crooked grin as he swayed.

He looked ridiculous.

“Well, at least you’re awake.”

His smile broke off and they held an awkward stare. Ryan swallowed hard. He wanted to reach down and grab the hand that lingered so close to his side. To comfort the boy in front of him who looked now close to tears.

Jon cleared his throat for a second time, picking at the edge of the bed sheet Ryan was lying on.   
“So, uh.” He licked his lips. “How long are you staying here?”

Ryan tried to shrug in response, but the casts didn’t let him, so instead he grumbled something unrecognisable. 

“What?”

“They don’t know, it all depends on how well I do recovering. I do know that they still need to run me through a few mental and physical examinations and I’ll need a lot of therapy. It’s gonna take a few months just for everything to heal before that though.” He groaned, letting his head fall slightly.   
He let his eyes trail to Jon’s who were staring right at him.

He inhaled. 

“Um, when are you going back home?”

Jon sat in silence, still watching him, before looking down towards his hands. 

“I’m not sure.”

“Well now that I’m okay, I mean, you don’t-”  
“Shut up.” Jon’s voice had suddenly become venomous before he softened it as he realised how harsh he had sounded. 

“Look,” He now muttered. “I’m not leaving you. Not again.”

Ryan watched his face change, the way he now seemed to curl into himself. 

His voice came out hoarse.  
“What do you mean?”

Jon exhaled.

“Ryan, I’m sorry, about everything. Okay? You being so hurt, so hurt that I wasn’t sure whether you’d even wake up, made me think about how short life can be. I don’t wanna stay mad at you like I hope you aren’t-”  
“I’m not.” Ryan interrupted. “That’s why I texted you. I want us to be us again, I don’t want anyone to-”

Ryan cut himself off, pulling a sour expression. He gritted his teeth harshly together, suddenly feeling dizzy in the head. He could feel his bones grinding together, and the movement almost made him throw up.

Jon saw the pained expression, jumping up into action.   
“Are you okay? Shall I get a nurse?” 

Before Ryan could say no, Jon had darted out the door to find someone. 

 

\---

 

“You feel dizzy sir?” The nurse asked, bringing a small pocket light to his eyes. He squinted against it, making him feel even more overwhelmed.   
“Yeah.”  
“What else? Are you feeling sick? Vision blurry? A headache?”  
Ryan just groaned in response, squeezing his eyes shut.  
“Mhmm.”   
“Okay, just lie your head back onto the pillow for me”

He did as she said, his eyebrows still knitted together. 

“Your head injury is just taking a toll on you now, so I’ll up the morphine, okay? Just try to relax, and calm down. If you get stressed this can make it worst, alright? So just take a little time out, and call me if you feel any worse.”   
Ryan nodded slightly, feeling the painkillers kick into his system even more so than they had been. He felt like he was floating.

The nurse walked out the room, leaving a pair of blue frantic eyes to stare at him.

“We’ll talk about all this later then.” He muttered. He was stood in the doorway, pale white in the face, almost looking ill himself.

Ryan let out a ragged sigh.  
“Please stay.”

Jon seemed torn inside, but nodded, coming to sit back down again next to Ryan. 

“I wasn’t going to leave you.”

“Good.”

And that’s when Ryan smiled again. It was a soft smile that was directed for only Jon to see, yeah maybe he looked rough after his accident. His hair was a mess where bits had been shaved off, his beard looking worn, he had stitches, blood, and now faded bruises everywhere, but that didn’t stop Jon from wanting to hug him, to hold his hand, to make everything better, even if he hadn’t showered properly in a month. 

That smile made everything. 

 

\--- 

 

Jon sat next to him for a good forty minutes just watching him break in and out of consciousness.   
He kept trying to keep awake to talk, but halfway through would lose it, falling back into darkness again.   
It was endearing, the way he tried to keep Jon company.   
Jon kept telling him to just sleep, but he wouldn’t listen to him, wanting to talk. Talk about anything, just to hear his voice.   
But finally, he lost, and fell to sleep leaving Jon to stare at him. 

A few minutes later Susan walked in with Alex. They had been taking in turns coming in and looking after Alex. 

Susan was grateful for the help and support. 

Jon had paid for everything, from every operation of Ryan’s, to even a new formal wear for Susan herself for her various job interviews out of town.  
She couldn’t possibly thank him enough, he had been their saviour. 

“Hey, how’s he doing?”  
“He just fell asleep,” Jon said, tired. “They had to up his morphine. I think I stressed him out a bit and his brain trauma started to kick in. I don’t know.” 

Susan rubbed his back, Jon clearly upset by causing the other pain. 

“You don’t know that you caused that, he was gonna feel it one of these days.”  
Jon had learnt that arguing with her was a fight he wasn’t going to win, so just shrugged.

“How’d the interview go?”  
“I’m not sure,” She replied. “I think they wanted someone with more experience, but they said they’d get back to me, which probably means I didn’t get it.”  
“You never know.”  
“Well…” She muttered. “I like to keep my expectations low.”

Jon laughed at the statement. 

 

“Uncie J, can we go? I am so hungeey!” 

Jon smiled down at Alex, grabbing her bag for her. 

“Of course.”

He walked over to Ryan to say goodnight, planting an all too normalised kiss onto his forehead.

“Night Ry. I’ll be back in a few.”

Alex copied, with Jon having to help her up to his level. 

“Bye-bye!”

They walked out together, hand in hand, towards a small restaurant located a few blocks down in the centre of town.   
The restaurant was fancy, and Alex’s favourite one of all Jon had taken her too. 

Alex had just had a full day of school and seemed tired as she sat down.   
She was only young, but the experience of Ryan and her lone-parent state made her seem to grow up quicker than her mates at school.   
Somehow, she seemed to realise life wasn’t all teddy bears and nice people.

“How was school today?”  
She shrugged, weary from her long day.   
“It was okay, we learnt about different animals! I can now spell elephant!”  
“Elephant?” Jon questioned, it was quite a long word to spell for such a small child.  
“Yeah! I was the only person who could spell it though.”

That made Jon smile with delight. He felt as though he really was the kid’s uncle.   
He felt proud of her. 

“That’s amazing, baby!”

She grinned widely, but something wasn’t quite right. Her smile didn’t reach her eyes like it normally did.   
“Hey, do you think Uncie will be okay?”  
Jon paused for a minute, surprised by the sincere tone of her voice.  
“Why do you say that?”  
“Well,” She started to pick at her folded napkin on the table. “You look very, uh, sad and so does uncie. Like something’s wrong. Are you not going to marry him no more?”

Jon almost choked on his drink he was halfway through.

“Uh, well, no sweetie, everything is fine there, okay? You don’t have to worry about that.”  
He felt bad lying to her that marriage was even on the table at this moment in time, that they were even a thing. For all Jon knew, after this, Ryan may want to forget about him and the pain he caused him. But he still lied. He didn’t need a little girl worrying about their feelings towards one another. All he wanted her to worry about was how to spell elephant, and making new friends, not some adult who couldn’t figure his life out. 

“That’s good cuz I like you being my uncie. You’re cool.”

Jon smiled lightly. 

“You’re cool too, little one.”

 

\---

 

“Ah, you’re awake then.”

Ryan was slightly confused as Jon’s voice had gone and was replaced by his sisters.   
She sat next to him, reading a book.

“You can go home if you like.”

“Nah, I’ll stay here till Jon and Alex come back from their play-date.”

Ryan’s eyes shifted towards the floor.   
He was tired, and his head was starting to ache a little again.

“So, uh, how long have they been out?”  
“Only an hour or so.”

Susan put her book down, staring her brother straight in the eyes. 

It was intense. 

Finally, she backed down, looking towards her own hands laying on top of Ryan’s hospital bed.   
“You know, everything that’s good that has happened is because of Jon.”

Ryan crooked his head a little in question of where she was going.

“He’s saved all of our lives bro, not just yours physically speaking, but mine... mentally.” She exhaled harshly, now coming into eye contact again. “So there is no way he hates you.”

“I know,” Ryan replied, kind of stunned that Susan was putting up such a soft front about him.

“I learnt a lot from being with him, you know, and one of those things is that he… sees you in some kind of light I can’t get my head around. I don’t know. But if you had watched the way he stayed by your side for weeks on end, the way he talks to you, the way he cried for days even though he tried not to in front of me because he was scared for you. It was… something I have never truly seen before, something I wished that that son-of-a-bitch ex had shown, you know?”

Ryan took a huge gulp of air.

“Love?”

Susan looked at him, puzzled.

“Maybe, I’m not sure, but whatever it is, know that he… he is really struggling with this.”  
“With what?”  
“Whatever it is he feels,” Susan replied. “He doesn’t want to hurt you.”

Ryan exhaled harshly, he could feel his lips go dry. 

“Sue, I know.”

And that’s when she looked at him with the strangest expression.

“I know that he doesn’t want to hurt me, Sue, I know this. And I know he doesn’t hate me and that I really don’t hate him. Look what he has done.”  
“What?”  
“He’s looked after you and Alex, the one thing in the world I was most worried about if something bad did ever happen. He understood this, and instead of making you worry he has done all of that himself. So yeah, I know okay. I just can’t do anything crazy.”

Susan smirked.

“Like try and fuck him in a room with your sister and niece?”  
“Yeah, like that,” Ryan mumbled, slightly embarrassed she had known about that night. Maybe Jon had told her? “I need to talk with him about it, when I’m not, ya know, high on morphine.”

Susan laughed, something Ryan hadn’t heard in ages. 

“Yeah, better come down a bit before you start planning a wedding.”

Instead of denying anything like he used to have done, he just laughed, because despite not knowing what kind of crazy feelings he was feeling, that didn’t sound like a bad idea to him. 

 

\---

 

Jon walked back to the hospital with Alex in hand, talking about nonsense. 

They were greeted by Susan with the typical ‘you’re late’.

Jon looked over to Ryan, who was now awake, pulling a face of confusion. As Jon was about to address it though, Ryan’s face shifted to a more neutral expression.

“Hey.”

“Hey.”

“Sorry about earlier,” Ryan mumbled. “I kind of just left you.”

Jon laughed a little, smiling. 

“It’s okay, I’m surprised you lasted that long actually.”

Ryan matched his smile.

“Alright boys, I’m going to take Alex home now. Have a good night.” Susan mumbled, feeling the sudden atmosphere change as the pair spoke softly to one another.

They both walked over to kiss Ryan good night and hugged Jon bye. With a little waving, they left the two boys alone. 

“So…”

“So… when did you wake up?”

“Like an hour ago,” Ryan replied. “It was weird to wake up to a different person beside me, that's for sure.”

Jon moved onto the chair next to Ryan. A silence fell over them again, before Ryan chimed in.   
“How long are you going to stay tonight?”  
“However long you want me too.”

Ryan shuffled slightly to get more comfortable.  
“I don’t mind… it’s on you.”

Jon let out a groan.

“Can’t you just decide for me?”

“I swear, you can never make your mind up. Ever.”

“Alright mister, then I will prove you wrong. I’ll stay till you fall asleep.”

Ryan raised an eyebrow.

“I could, like, stay awake all night.”

“Then I’ll stay with you all night,” Jon answered, smirking to himself. 

“You’re not serious, are you?”

“Of course I am, I’ll stay with you until you fall asleep.”

Ryan stared for far too long into Jon’s eyes. It was weird, they were acting as though they were best friends again. It was like the way they’d talk down their phones for hours on end to each other, the good night calls they’d make, but standing before each other. 

 

“So, what do you wanna talk about then?”

Jon grinned, searching for a response.

“Well, the new COD game is out. It’s pretty damn cool, but I’m shit at it. And Brock announced he is having a baby, I mean, his wife that is. And-”

Jon cut out for a second, thinking and then frowning. 

“I, uh, I’ve kind of been looking after your channel a bit. Not that I can log onto it or anything because fuck knows what your password is, but I’ve been trying to put some videos with us two playing together. I mean, yah know, I thought people would go over to your channel if they saw you. They keep asking me where you are too, and, I haven’t told them anything. I was hoping you’d do tha-”  
“Chris021353”

“Excuse me?”

“That’s my password. Chris021353. My dad’s name and birthday.”

Jon gawked at him for a moment. Surprised he had literally just given him the key to his biggest treasure. 

“I trust you.” Ryan muttered. “So, yeah…”   
He blinked slowly, watching Jon’s face tinted with a smile.

“DonttouchmydamnstuffLuke03… I... trust you too, Ryan.”

Ryan burst into laughter, smiling ear to ear.  
“What a stupid password!”

“That’s Luke’s fault.” He chuckled, “He kept finding out my damn password.”

Ryan’s grin only got wider. 

“Thank you.” He mumbled. “For trusting me that is-”  
He stopped, to look over to Jon whose eyes were watching him closely.

“Actually, I should just thank you for everything.”

“What? I haven’t done shit.”

Ryan scoffed. 

“You have paid for everything, you have looked after my family, you have taken on so much responsibility, you have literally been living in a hotel for me away from your own family and friends. You have been here for me, and I have no idea how to repay you, I don’t think I ever will be able to, to be honest. So thank you so much, okay? I mean it.”

Jon moved his hand towards Ryan’s face. Up until now touching one another had seemed weird, seemed like a step too far when they were trying to take things slowly, however, Jon had slid it out of impulse to lightly feather Ryan’s cheek, brushing his rough face gently. 

“You don’t have to thank me for anything. I wanted to do this. I wanted to help you. So I thought why not. I wasn’t going to leave you because you have never left me when I’ve been in need-”

“But I left on the holiday after the whole Evan thing…” Ryan admitted, closing his eyes as he leant into the hand that was on his face. “I just felt like you were using me…”

“I know, and I’m sorry. I am so sorry.”

“But I shouldn’t have acted like such an assho-”

“Ryan, let that all go, okay? I understand. And, the whole thing with Evan, it was stupid. I realise now that I didn’t love him. Not like I love yo… yah know… it was just a stupid crush which I don’t crush on anymore. I just don’t know what to say…”

“Why did you come here?”

“Sorry?” Jon frowned at the sudden change of subject. 

“Why did you hop on the plane to get here, missing Evan’s wedding, going away from people like Luke and risking losing money from youtube when you didn’t have your shit here at the hotel. Why did you bother? Normally people would either come in to visit or even just forget about it. Do you think you owe me something, or is it… something else?”

Jon licked his now chapped lips, he didn’t really know how to respond. Normally, he would have made up some excuse for whatever he was feeling, but something inside him told him that lying about it would get him nowhere. This was his fresh start with Ryan. No more lying. Not to Ryan or himself. 

“I suppose that's what you do when you have a crush on someone,” Jon recited, as he remembered it word for word from Ryan’s mouth. “go all out for them and not care about anyone else. Not even yourself.”


End file.
